(Closed) Inviting people to shower/bachelorette/engagement party but not wedding?

posted 7 years ago in Parties
Post # 3
Member
2116 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I would be careful about that. If you invite them, be very upfront about the fact that they are not invited to the wedding and that you do not expect a gift.. if not, it oculd com off as rude

Post # 4
Member
491 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

It’s my personal opinion that I would not invite anyone to a shower or party that’s wedding-related and then not invite them to the wedding.  However, we’re having a big enough wedding that I can definitely do it that way.  I agree with the PP that you need to be up front with them about the situation and make sure they know you’re not expecting gifts. 

Post # 5
Member
43 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@Gina-Marie:If you put “no gifts please, just your company” then I think it’s ok. Otherwise people might view it as a gift-grab (which you have made clear it’s not).

Post # 6
Member
1920 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

That’s tricky. I would probably be a little offended to be invited to a shower and then not the wedding unless their wedding is very small, as in immediate family only. I would stick to just invited guests only.

Post # 7
Member
9 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I wouldn’t do it.  I think it would be kind of hurtful to pepole to be good enough to be invited to celebrate a party with you but not good enough to be invited to the wedding, you know?  Plus, if you call it an engagement party or shower or bachelorette – people will likely feel obligated to get you a gift and in that case, it would really be bad not to invite them to the wedding. 

Post # 8
Member
10288 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

Regardless of if you put “no gifts please” they are coming to a party where gifts are normally customary and I’m sure most will bring something (I know I always do even when I’m told not to). Because of this, I do not think that its right to invite these people to the pre-wedding festivities and exclude them from your actual wedding. 

Post # 9
Member
2775 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

I agree with CaitMarie.  Showers are, by definition, gift-centric parties so saying “no gifts, please” doesn’t really work.  Inviting people to pre-wedding festivities while excluding them from the main event sends the message that they’re good enough to buy you gifts, but not good enough to witness your vows and be wined, dined, and entertained on your dime at the wedding reception.

Post # 10
Member
4137 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

yep, it’s tacky. in place of a bachelorette, you could just do a girl’s night out and invite everyone…just don’t call it a bachelorette. you can’t invite people not invited to the wedding to a shower though.

Post # 11
Member
1030 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I think it depends. We are having a small wedding and I have many friends I’d love to invite but can’t. I’m following a friend’s advice and having heart-to-heart conversations with everyone I can’t invite NOW to let them know and avoid awkward/hurt feelings down the road. I’ve had two people say, “well, can I come to the bachelorette at least?” which I think is a great idea – people just want to celebrate. I think if you’re honest about it and people know what they’re getting themselves into, you can let them decide if they want to come or not.

Post # 12
Member
860 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I don’t feel comfortable inviting people to the shower if they aren’t invited to the wedding. I think the bachelorette party is different because it’s more about having fun and going out vs. bringing gifts and sitting around.

Post # 14
Member
3364 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

Im struggling with this myself! My Maid/Matron of Honor and I are talking Shower Dates and Themes and Im really bummed because we arent inviting a LOT of people because of our budget and large sized families! I would LOVE to have all my and his girl friends at the shower!

I was thinking about making a “Special” invite for those people! But then I do understand I would be bummed not being invited to the wedding, but I would understand and be glad the Bride invited me to the festivities!(as I am not expecting gifts either! Dont even plan on registering anywhere!)

I think as long as your intentions are well communitcated and acted out, you’ll/we’ll be just fine!

Im still debating on this, and do have some time before making a decision!

Post # 15
Member
195 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

My mom was invited to one of her former student’s shower, but not to the wedding and she was VERY upset. She felt if she was “good enough” for the shower invitation, then she should have been “good enough” for the wedding. Especially, since s o m e  at the shower were talking about the wedding!

Post # 16
Member
431 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

Nope, can’t do it.  Rude & tacky.  Sorry.

You can celebrate afterward maybe & specify “no gifts” if you want.

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