(Closed) Inviting people to shower/bachelorette/engagement party but not wedding?

posted 9 years ago in Parties
Post # 17
5889 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2012

im with the other bees

Post # 18
541 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

I agree that you shouldn’t invite people to a shower and not your wedding. BUT if you are having a small wedding, I would suggest doing an alternate wedding lunch or dinner as opposed to a shower. Then it’s more of something you’re doing for them to be a part of your wedding rather than you asking them to come and bring gifts (even though you’re saying no gifts, people may feel obligated).

Post # 19
70 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I agree that it could be taken offensively. I remember once my mom and I were invited to a friend’s bridal shower, but not the wedding.  Many of my mom’s friends (who were in the same boat) were talking about how rude it was of the bride (and her mom) to invite people to the shower, but not wedding. 

Post # 20
253 posts
Helper bee

Personally. I agree that if you get invited to the engagement party, brial shower, and rehersal dinner that they must be invited to the wedding. 


As far as bachelorette parties go you could invite people to just the bachelorette and not the wedding but make it on the cheap side ie maybe a girls weekend in or girls night in and do some baking activities, arts and crafts, play some board games, party games, or old school games, exc. that right there is something that is cheap and that no one is obligated to bring you anything or pay for your drinks. 

Post # 21
1 posts


I’m having the same dilema but I guess I’d like to know “where” all of these rules came from? If your soon to be husband and you have decided have something so small  – at a church and going to brunch afterwards with ONLY family and barely any women, it would just feel like you would be chastised b/c you can’t at this juncture afford to invite everyone, but your Maid of honor (only 2) would still want to throw something for you.  Its almost discriminatory for those that have small weddings that you just have to deal with the fact that you can’t have a bridal shower or weekend getaway b/c you have chosen to have a small wedding due to funds.

At thsi point, I’m thinking that I am going to let everyone know up front and just gauge the temperature on how people are feeling.  I already have one close friend who said, “i don’t care – just let me come to the ceremony – Ceremoy- i don’t even need an invitation”.  Sometimes, people “understand” and it seems like there is a lot of “Non-understanding” comments. 

Just my thoughts – you have to be upfront and honest with people and if they get mad at you – then, well, they may have not been your real friend in the first place.

Post # 22
1589 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

If you can fit people in a shower or an e-party, you can fit them in the wedding. For the bachelorette it really depends on how you celebrate.

Post # 23
6524 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

@Gina-Marie:  this is a no-no. Anyone who is not invited to the wedding should not be invited to the pre-wedding parties. Its an insult

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