(Closed) Inviting people who can't attend?

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
Member
183 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

I think you should still invite them. We invited our elderly relatives (mainly living grandparents) and to our surprise my husband’s grandmother was able to make it! I think it’s different if someone informs you before you send out the invites that they cannot make it, I wouldn’t send those individulas an invite because it could be seen as trying to get a gift out of them.

Post # 3
Member
9443 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

Anyone we want to have at the wedding is getting an invitation regardless of whether or not we think they will be able to attend. 

An invitation is not a summons, people know they can rsvp no.

Post # 4
Member
30393 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Generally speaking, you know these people better than we do. Some people may be hurt by not receiving an invitation.

Post # 5
Member
219 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

View original reply
smpink:  I’m doing the same.  A lot of my family lives back home in my country of origin.  I will still invite them because it’s important in our traditions that they feel a part of it even if they don’t attend. Plus if you send paper invitations, they can have them as a keepsake.  It’s very rude in my culture to leave family members out whether you know they will be attending or not and I think in general it is good practice to make everyone that loves you feel included.

Post # 6
Member
2063 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Yes, invite them–the likelihood is that they will be happy that you asked; the greater likelihood is that they will be offended if you don’t. 

And BTW–don’t assume that they won’t come! You would be surprised at the heroics people will display to get to a wedding!

Post # 7
Member
1927 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2016 - Sussex, UK

I’m inviting a friend who will have a week old baby (going by due date) and cousins who live on the other side of the world and I’m 99% sure won’t make it. I’d love them to be there if they could so they are definitely getting invites. 

Post # 8
Member
217 posts
Helper bee

I definitely agree that you should invite them. I know some people who would be deeply offended if they weren’t. Even if they can’t make it.

Post # 9
Member
1936 posts
Buzzing bee

I think you invite them, and let them make the decision. They’re adults, they can accept or decline. But yes, invite them. 

Post # 10
Member
339 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

We are inviting people who we know won’t come. We just think it’s proper etiquette.

Post # 11
Member
1974 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2019

Yes. You should still invite people that you don’t expect to attend.

Post # 12
Member
591 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I would invite them.  I invited people who ended up not being able to come.  It was gracious to extend the invitation and they appreciated it.

Post # 13
Member
3423 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

View original reply
smpink:  it’s not up to you to decide if someone else can or cannot attend.  Only if you don’t want them there and then do not invite them.

Post # 14
Member
2343 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2016

You should invite everyone that you would love to attend, regardless of whether you think they’ll be able to attend or not. They are adults and are therefore able to determine for themselves whether they’ll be able to make the trip – an invitation is not a summons so I doubt that they’ll feel like they must attend no matter what.

Post # 15
Member
178 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

Invite them! It’s up to them to decide whether they can/want to come or not, but not inviting them deprives them of making their own choice. I have a grandmother who has declined my engagement party because it’s at night, an hour from her home, and in an upstairs restaurant (she’s on a walking frame) – I’m sad she can’t come, but I understand, and she would have felt excluded if I hadn’t extended the invitation.

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