(Closed) Inviting People Who Can't Attend

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
464 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Sounds like there’s been a lot of subterfuge on her part, the invitation may just be another one.  I’d send the invitation and not think any more about it.  From how you’ve described it, she’s going to hit you up for a baby shower gift eventually anyway.

Post # 4
737 posts
Busy bee

@Anise:  Agree, just send the invitation and get rid of the drama.  Then you can concentrate on the wedding.

Post # 5
837 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

My advice is this: If you didn’t know already that she wouldn’t be able to make it, would you have sent her an invite? If you would have sent her one then you should still send her one – even though you know now that she won’t be able to make it.

So do whatever you would have done before you found out she wasn’t going to be able to make it, and then be done with it. No more drama.

Post # 6
8164 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

@Anise:  I don’t think there’s been any “subterfuge”. It’s much more likely that she probably thought she would be able to swing the expenses and then was humiliated to realize she couldn’t afford it after all. I would never dream of asking a friend/bride if I could stay at her house or borrow her car because you’ve already got so much on your mind. It probably would have been better for her to be honest as soon as she realized her situation, but a lot of people are embarassed and weirded out by money issues. At any rate, she did come clean. She can’t afford to come. It’s a bummer for both of you, but if you care about her, send her an invitation and let her do with it what she will. By all means tell her that you’re not asking for gifts from anyone and that her well-wishes mean more than any material item. Maybe she’ll be able to come, maybe she won’t. But in either case, if she sends a gift, thank her and leave it at that. If she doesn’t send a gift, great — less junk to find space for. Her offering to send a gift even if she couldn’t attend is in no way implying that your invitation is a gift-grab. 

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