(Closed) Inviting people you know are not going to come….why?

posted 8 years ago in Family
Post # 3
6572 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2010

I understand why they want to invite their family to celebrate this special time with you… but they probably don’t know for a fact that they won’t come. My mom said that constantly, and we got a few surprise yes RSVPs.

Post # 4
359 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

It might just be a courtesy invite. These people may not be able to come, but they might feel offended to not be offered an invitation. I would go with it, you don’t want to stir up trouble with family if you can help it.

Post # 5
174 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011


I go back and forth with this one; on one hand I think it’s a nice gesture, including people even though you don’t think they’ll come. On the other hand, I worry about it being seen as an attempt to get gifts. We aren’t including any info on gift registry in invites, and I have a friend or two who live across the country and already told me they can’t make it, so I thought I’d send them an invite with a note just telling them I’m doing so to include them/as a keepsake, and am sorry they can’t make it… something along those lines.

Post # 6
9053 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2010

We definitely got a few surprise “yes” RSVP’s as well from the people my mom made me send courtesy invites too.

I think there’s a lot of concern that people even though they won’t come, will be hurt that you didn’t think of them.

Post # 6
284 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I think it depends on the reason that they aren’t going to come…we are inviting my great grandparents who are well into their 90s and have only left the house a handful of times the past several years to go to the doctors and when my great grandfather was in the hospital. The same goes for FIs grandmother, she is in FL (we are getting married in MD) and she has advanced Alzheimers and is in a nursing home. His grandfather will more than likely be attending the wedding, but not his grandmother. We are still inviting all of them–but do not expect a gift from any of them. Outside of that, I don’t think we invited too many others that we know won’t be able to make it, if they can’t come, it will be for some other reason, and that’s fine with us. Sometimes, you do have to just bite the bullet and invite people out of courtesy, and I don’t think it’s because you are looking for a gift, it’s because they know that so and so is going to get invited and they expect and invite too, just because they are nosy, even though they never had any intention of showing up in the first place. I think all families have at least one distant relative like that–LOL, it’s just a matter of whether or not you want to appease them or start a family uproar =)

Post # 7
566 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

I’m going to end up with a good number of courtesy invites. They won’t think it’s gift grabby but they would be offended if they weren’t invited. My friend knew I couldn’t come to the wedding but I still got an invite. I was very appreciative and still have the invite after 5 years.

Post # 9
7300 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

We are sending invites to some of his family in Ireland. We know that not all of them will be able to be here but it’s still nice to send them an invite. 

Post # 10
5118 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I think courtesy invites can be dangerous…you never know who may just clear their schedule and RSVP yes! Are these people that your family really wants to be there? Or just doing it ‘to be nice’? If they’re just doing it out of some sort of felt obligation, maybe you can send out wedding announcements. If I remember correctly, they used to be much more common when weddings were smaller and people couldn’t travel as easily. A little note in the mail to announce your good news and new name (if applicable), so they are notified and were remembered but you’re not playing roulette with your invite list 🙂

Post # 11
1749 posts
Bumble bee

@Jushackett:I plan to invite several people (maybe 20) who will not be able to attend due to finances. I am inviting them to be nice. If somehow they were able to attend I would not be upset but SO and I will not sponsor it.

Post # 12
1701 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Well, almost all of ours came!  These relatives may be distant to you, but your mother and grandmother know them.  Whether it’s courtesy or pride (yippee, my daughter/grandaughter is getting married!) I think you are doing the right thing by just going with the flow.

Post # 13
3176 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

If I don’t send an invite I will NEVER hear the end of it. I had one cousin tell me, “oh I can’t afford to come to your wedding but I can’t wait to get an invite your mom told me they were cute.” I would be crucified if I didn’t send an invite.

Post # 14
1124 posts
Bumble bee


We’re inviting a lot of family members who wont come. We see it as a “we want to include you and let you know you are thought of”. To us it’s just a nice gesture to include everyone in our joy.

Post # 15
3866 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

Pick your battles.  If your mom is paying for it and she keeps sending invites, well… give your opinion, question it, and let it drop.  After all, it isn’t your money, unfortunately. 🙁

As for inviting people you know won’t come?  We’re inviting at least three (with their wife or a plus one) who we know won’t come and would be surprised and shocked beyond belief if they do!  Two are in CA and one is pretty busy with doing movies (I would soooo squeal with delight is he came, though! LOL!) the other is doing photography for modeling and music videos and stuff, and the third is a pretty popular actor.  Totally different, I know, but we’re sending invites because we know ’em, like ’em, and it’s a courtesy. 

We’ve also got some family we’ll be inviting (mostly his) who we’re pretty sure won’t come, but should be invited because, well, they’re family!

Think of it this way: it’s your way of saying “we like/love you and are thinking of you during this time and wish you could be here”.  Just don’t be surprised if a few come.

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