(Closed) Inviting People You’ve Never Met/Heard of?!

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
546 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

A lot of people say whoever pays for it get a lot of guest list control, but it sounds like both of your parents are helping.  Personally, I don’t want a ton of people at my wedding that I have never met before or my Fiance has only met like once.

We are kind of running into something similar, when I asked Future Mother-In-Law to add her names to our list there were like 40 people on there that Fiance barely knew.  They probably don’t need to/want to come to my wedding.

Post # 4
Member
1080 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2010

I ran into this from both sides, mine and his. It really defends on how determined/set you are. To me it was not worth the giant fight.

Post # 5
Member
3162 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Just don’t make small talk at the wedding. I’m like you – I hate meet and greet and small talk, I feel terribly awkward. I’m running into a similar (though not as drastic) situation as you and I just sort of decided OK fine – invite all these people I don’t know, but on the day of the wedding I’m focusing on the people I am close to, not the people I don’t know. I will say “nice to meet you thank you for coming” and then go on my merry way. Done and done.

Post # 6
Member
652 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

i know how you feel. At my wedding, there were so many people there that I did not know because Future Mother-In-Law wanted to invite the whole world. I dropped it since she was willing to pay for them to be there and it was either that or endless nights of talking about it.

 

My good friends and family were there so at the end thats all that mattered to me. Its funny because I look back at some pictures and say I don’t even remember seeing this person at my wedding! lol

Post # 7
Member
573 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I ran into this same issue with Future Mother-In-Law.  I finally told her (it took me months to finally crack, but on a Sept. visit I did) that my wedding was not a family reunion nor was it a social gathering catered toward her college/high school friends (seriously, 30 + of the her guest list were friends of hers from college/high school).  We only “cut” people we didn’t know (I ran down a list of some of FI’s distant cousins Future Mother-In-Law had put on her guest list and he didn’t know who half of them were) or hadn’t seen/talked to in a LONG TIME.

Long story short, I feel I NEED to greet each of my guests (I know, this is a very ambititous goal) ….GREET, not catch up on 10 long lost years!! 

We have ended up inviting what I think is too many people, but she assures us will most likely not come….

The difference here is we (FI and I) are paying for the majority of the wedding and she never offered to pay x amount when numbers got too high for our budget 🙁

 If this is something you feel strongly about, hold your ground!

Post # 8
Member
2532 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Seriously, I know exactly how you are feeling. And its a horrible feeling. Both my parents and my FI’s mother come from large families. My dad is 1 of 5, my mom is 1 of 10 and my Future Mother-In-Law is 1 of 8!!! I have over 40 cousins on my moms side alone!!! All together we have almost 150 people that are just family. Its really quite insane. ‘

My dad gave us $7500 for our wedding and although I am extremely grateful for this, we knew that we could not have a wedding of 150+ (we want our friends to be there!!) on this amount of money. Now starts the drama. I started talking about cutting the guest list and inviting ONLY the people we wanted to be there. Yes, this would exclude some cousins, but some of his cousins I had never even heard of and some of my cousins I havent talked to in over 10 years!!! I always imagined having a smaller wedding (75-100 sounded nice) but it wasnt seeming possible.

Fast forward a few months and I have just decided to let go. His parents are going to foot the majority of the bill for the wedding so everyone who was on the original invite list stays and we still get to invite our friends and the people that mean the most to us. I had the same issue that it wasnt about the money it was about the principle of not having a million people you have never met at your wedding.

One suggestion I have is to do a receiving line. This way, you are SURE to say hello, thank you or nice to meet you to every single one of your guests. This is also a time when you can have someone bring you a little snack and drink. It doesnt take that long (keep the line moving!) and then once you are done you can take more time to focus on who matters to you!!!

 

Oy VEY weddings can be stressful! But I am trying to remember that no matter what it will be beautiful and memorable and Im sure yours will be too!

Post # 9
Member
4485 posts
Honey bee

Your guestlist should consist only of people who are nearest and dearest to you, not random strangers. If you don’t know them or don’t care about them, why are you paying for them to attend, especially considering how expensive weddings can get?

Post # 10
Member
6572 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2010

we decided that we each get the same number of guests, and that worked for us. my family is bigger than his, but that didn’t make much of a difference. that just meant i didn’t get to invite as much as my family as we would have liked. oh well. that’s the only way we could keep it fair and small, and we had to keep it small because our venue has limited space. i do think that you should ease up on him if he says that some of his guest list is close to him. just because you don’t know them yet, doesn’t mean you shouldn’t get to know them. it’s your fi’s close family and friends. you’re marrying into his family now. i get that the wedding isn’t the best place to do that (i’ve been trying to meet our guest list before the wedding for this very reason), but sometimes you don’t really get that choice.

Post # 11
Member
6661 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

Remember, you don’t get another chance to invite people to your wedding. So if these people are important to your Fiance or his family, it might be worth extending the invitation. Don’t look at the money your parents gave you as what else it could be used for, focus on doing the right thing on your wedding day. Also, maybe try to reason with Fiance and the payment – ask his family to pay for their entire side and I’ll bet the guest list gets trimmed.

Post # 12
Member
7384 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

It would make me uncomfortable too.  Sorry you have to have this disagreement!

Post # 13
Member
2030 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

This happened to me too, and I was VERY worried about it prior to the wedding. But then the most amazing thing happened – all those “strangers” attended, and they turned out to be the nicest people! They were very warm and generous and I really enjoyed meeting them. Now a year later we still keep in contact and I am so glad they they came and I wish I hadn’t spent so much time worrying myself over it. Maybe it will turn out the same for you – hope so!

Post # 14
Member
4001 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

This has totally been a source of contention between the 2 of us.  It will pop up again when the invites come.  My FI’s family is huge in comparison to mine but we have a lot of family friends.  My family is paying for most of the wedding and it drives me NUTS that not only are there more of his guests on our guest list, but there are people I don’t know.  When we were gathering the list together I cried a few times, it was bananas (I cried out of genuine frustration so I’m not suggesting this as advice, I’m just saying it totally worked lol).  I understand that there will be people I’ve never met before, people move, things happen, whatever.  But if I’ve never even heard of them and we’ve been together for 6.5 years, they can’t be too important.  Ugh!  Not to mention the fact that my Fiance had to cut his mom off at the pass.  Every time we go to visit her she ‘remembers’ someone else she needs to attend.  She wanted to invite her co-worker, who he and I have never met- not gonna happen.  I swear if we let her she’d invite anyone she’s ever met.  If your on the line at the grocery store behind her, you may get an invite!  I’m just hoping, that since the wedding is in my home town, that the guest list evens itself out.  I’m sure it will.  And if the people you invite on his side don’t know you and they don’t particularly know your Fiance well, they may be more inclined to skip the event so they don’t have to buy a gift.  Good luck!

Post # 15
Member
401 posts
Helper bee

I won’t invite people that I don’t know personally and I also won’t be inviting people that will be nothing but “drama”…lol

Post # 16
Member
1288 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010 - Indiana Memorial Union

I don’t think you have to be best buds with all of your guests, but it’s helpful if you’ve met them once before. I would be pretty adament about not having that many extra people if your fiance’s family were not contributing to the wedding. But since they are, I’m not sure. I think I’d just roll with it at that point.

The topic ‘Inviting People You’ve Never Met/Heard of?!’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors