Post # 1
So I’m having a dilemma when it comes to the guest list. We are having a small wedding of about 68 guests (68 is the limit for the room). With that said, we are obviously only inviting close friends and family. While I am not normally opposed to having children at weddings (my brother’s 3 kids under 8 will be there), having to include all my cousins’ kids and kids of the family friends is going to be insane. We are on such a strict budget and can’t go higher than the above amount. My mom says I have to invite them, which would mean scratching off adults who I want there in order to fit children who most likely don’t want to be there in the first place. How do I deal?
Post # 2
Who’s paying? If mom is, you may be stuck, but with such a strict limit it is a shame you’d have to cut a bunch of guests you want there. 🙁
If you’re paying, do whatever you want, and mom can deal.
Post # 3
stormie04 : Just because you are inviting children of your siblings (nieces and nephews), it does not mean you have to invite all relatives’ children. You just have to be consistent and only invite nieces and nephews.
Post # 4
Assuming you are paying, you tell your mother that they do not have to be invited and you stand your ground.
If your mother is paying, well those who pay get a say so it’s going to need to be more of a discusion to see if you can come to some sort of compromise with her. Or decline her money and do what you want.
Post # 5
i had the same drama. We dont have the space to physically fit everyone.
i opted for guests i wanted there instead of kids. Halfmy cousions with kids i barely see anyway so they are lucky to be there.
My mum was worried what people would think etc etc.
end of the day kids wont remember. Dont cut the people you want there. Cut the kids. Its the easiest solution.
Nieces and Nephews are different
same with infants (mother may be breast feeding).
if there is a kid that is special to you include them as a flower girl or page boy.
Draw a line.
Post # 6
You don’t need to include them. Tell her no.
side note: if the limit is 68 did you include you and fi? Any vendors? Just something to keep in mind.
Post # 7
I only invited my children and my neice and nephew. No other kids were invited. If you don’t want kids, then don’t invite them. Simple.
Post # 8
I agree with a few other PPs, that it’s fine to invite siblings’ kids but not cousins’ and friends’ kids.
It is also ok to make exceptions for very young infants because they don’t need to be fed (but probably DO count as one of the 68), don’t run or crawl around, and can be hard to get babysat.
Be aware that if your mom thinks kids should be invited, some of your guests might assume that too.
Post # 9
If you are paying for your wedding, then you get final say on the guestlist. It is perfectly acceptable to invite the children of immediate family only and not the children of extended family, friends, etc. If this is what you want to do, then go for it. We’re only having my 3 young siblings (aged 13, 8 and 5 as well as being in the bridal party) and my FI’s 2 nephews (aged 3 and 1). No other children are invited.
If your parents are contributing to the wedding, I think you’re going to have to suck it up and do as your mother wishes. Is there any way that you can compromise with her? Perhaps allow the children of family but not the children of friends/family friends?
Post # 10
stormie04 : if you and your fiancé are hosting then it’s your party and you can invite a troop of baboons if this is really what you’d like (though you’d still have some explaining to do when said troop got invited over your mother’s sister.) If you and fiancé are not doing the hosting, like GreenGables said, things get far more tricky as this is in effect a party being thrown in your honor by others.
As an example, I was married nearly exactly 20 years ago. My parents paid for almost everything. I had a small group of friends there, but other than that the guest list was largely driven by my mother and my ex-MIL.
Fast-forward 20 years and my fiancé and I are paying for our entire wedding and want everyone there to be people we know. We don’t want to stand in a receiving line our make table visits and need cues from my mother as to who the heck we’re talking to. This, however, did not stop my mother from asking for 27 invites for people in her apt building about whom she never has anything nice to say. We can have 120 people total at our venue. Yep. She wanted 27 invites. So, depending on the, shall we say “quirkiness” of family members, you still may have awkward, tense conversations ahead of you no matter who is footing the bill.
It’ll all work out. It’s the getting there that can be the toughest challenge. Good luck!
Post # 11
We’re having our nieces and nephews in our wedding and then they’re invited to the reception for a bit, I am firmly anti-kids at the wedding beyond that.
Post # 12
We are having a child-free event, except for my fiance’s niece. Aside from that, no one under 15 was invited. Like PPs said, you have to draw a line somewhere and just be consistent. Part of the reason we had no kids was because of our budget as well. This is all provided that you’re paying for it all.
If you aren’t, you should still have a significant say, but it may be better to pick your battles at that point. For instance, if the people funding the party are wanting a 7 tier carrot cake and you want something more modest, and they want kids there and you don’t, you may have to choose which subject you’re staunch on. Good luck Bee! It’ll be great either way – I mean, you’re getting married!!!!! 😀
Post # 13
Thanks guys! We settled it–only inviting my brothers kids since there will simply be too many little ones if we invite everyone elses. She got the picture once I listed them all ;). It’s nice in theory, but budget wise/intimate wedding wise, not so much.
Post # 14
stormie04 : I had no kids at my 200+ person wedding. For me it boiled down to a couple of things…
1) I absolutely love kids, but I hate them at weddings. It’s a personal preference for me because I consider formal events to be an adult only appropriate atomshphere. The exception for me are casual backyard weddings where it’s more of a family reunion rather than wedding. To me kids are welcome when they’ve reached the age they can sit unattended without having to be entertained by toys or electronics.
2) Like you, I was not willing to cut adults I actually wanted there to celebrate with me to accomodate the kids of people I rarely ever see out of obligation. Plain and simple.
My parents paid for 50% and we paid the other 50% but they were very clear that they didn’t have any strings and we were free to plan as we wished. So we did! I think you just need to make the decision and stick to your guns! You’ve got a budget and max capacity you’re working it, and my theory is people can either get on board or stay home!