Post # 1
Just wondering if everyone is letting the future inlaws invite everyone they want to, or are you giving them a limit? We have made our guest list to be around 120 people. We want only people we are close to and see often. Not people we have seen once in five years. Today Future Mother-In-Law gave Fiance a list of people that she would want to invite. The list was around 100 and it did not even include my family or my friends. I feel bad but we do not want to invite people his parents barely talk to. We are paying for the wedding ourselves and we are on a budget because we are building a house right now. I dont want to cause any problems with anyone but I can’t afford to invite everyone. Its really stressing me out already and its a year before the wedding.
How is everyone else handeling their inviting?
Post # 3
@sarahjc0015: Tell them your venue has a limit.
Post # 4
@sarahjc0015: Fi and I are paying for everything ourselves too. I would have Fiance sit his mom down adn tell her she gets X invites, or she will have to pick up the tab for the extras. If she asks how much extra, tell her it is about twice the actual cost. this might help keep here from going overboard. Fiance and I decided to make the guest list ourselves, and our parents don’t get any say at all. If Future Mother-In-Law was given the option she would probably quadruple our guest list. That would make our venue impossible. NOT HAPPENING! I love our venue!
Post # 5
- Wedding: September 2011 - Bent Creek Winery (Livermore, California); Reception: Family Residence (San Ramon, California)
Yeah, I wouldn’t let them invite their own personal guests if they’re not contributing to the wedding financially. This is your day, and while it may be nice to let them invite a few people, you are by no means required to accommodate 100 guests from their side alone. My Fiance and I are paying for a ton of our wedding, and outside of family, our parents didn’t invite any of their friends.
Post # 6
Whoa. You’re paying for the wedding, so you make the guest list.
Sit down with your Fiance and figure out who YOU really want to invite, who HE really wants to invite (family and friends) and how many spots that leaves for guests of your parents and his parents. Then let your Future In-Laws know who you’re planning to invite from his side, and how many of their guests your budget can accommodate (IMO, 20 would be pretty generous). To avoid hard feelings, it would be best if you alotted your own parents the same number or fewer. If they bitch and moan about it, tell them you’d love to let them bring more guests, but unfortunately you need to stick to your budget. If they want extra people invited they can pay for the extra guests themselves.
If they do opt to chip in so that they can invite extra guests, be gracious about it. But also make sure you include the cost of everything: chair/table rentals, centerpieces, favors, invitations, etc. Don’t let them bully you! Just smile and keep emphasizing that you really want to be financially responsible.
Post # 7
- Wedding: October 2011 - Tre Bella, Mesa, AZ
@S.H.: Ditto. If they aren’t contributing, they don’t get to decide how many people you invite. If they were contributing $, they could invite the # of guests they wanted based on the % of the budget they were contributing.
Post # 8
I would let them know that if they want to invite a lot of extra people that you don’t know you will need their help in paying for them.
My parents did that for my brother’s wedding. I am sure that they have been to a lot of those peoples kids weddings themselves and now want to have their friends at their childs big day. However, if you are paying for the wedding yourself you should not be expected to go into debt to pay for strangers.
Post # 9
Thanks everyone. Just wanted to make sure I wasn’t crazy that I felt I didn’t need to invited EVERYONE they wanted me to. Fiance feels the same way I do and has told her this. The cost really would be double what we are paying right now for the amount of people she wants. But I love my venue and am not changing it. Sometimes weddings can be so stressful I really think about eloping!!
Post # 10
None of our parents have told us to invite ANYONE!! Thats one of the things I love about them!! Only people that we want there are being invited.
Post # 11
There are the weddings that our parents want us to have and the weddings that we want to have. If they were paying for it, they by all means they have the right to invite away, but since it is your wallet I’d tell them there’s a limit at the venue or some other tactful excuse.
Post # 12
There is no way my FIL’s are inviting their friends… nooooo way!
If you’re paying for your wedding you can invite whoever you want. Tell her the venue has a limit and leave it at that.
Post # 13
I agree. My sister and her husband paid for their wedding and they rejected so many of my parents’ requests to invite people as well as his parents’ requests. They paid, and they could choose who to invite. Even when my parents offered to pay for some of their friends, my sister still told them no.
Now my parents are paying for most of my wedding and they want to invite their cousins, other friends, etc. that weren’t at my sister’s wedding and thats fine since they are paying, and it won’t go over our venue limit.
Post # 14
i agree with others here. If you are paying for it, your FIL’s have no say in whom you invite. The only reason I think there could be an exception is if they helped pay for the extra people they wanted there.
Post # 15
I agree with PP … tell them there’s a limit. We aren’t asking either sets of parents who they want to invite. We’re paying for it so we invite who we want.
Post # 16
Thanks everyone. She offeread today to pay for the extra people. So I guess that works for me. That makes it alittle less stressful. I plan to give them the total of what it would be for the extra people and see what they decide. I’m glad I have some time to figure it all out. 🙂