(Closed) Inviting relatives you don’t know versus friends

posted 9 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
5823 posts
Bee Keeper

I think if your Fiance can’t even answer who they are, then your Future Mother-In-Law is probably right…they won’t come.  They don’t know him either!!  Would you attend the wedding of someone you don’t know?  So many times people have had to invited family rather than their friends.  I think if your FIs family is putting money into the wedding you should let them invite their family.  If you want to invite your friends, put money in just for your friends.  That way everyone’s happy and you don’t have to worry about drama.

Post # 4
Member
30 posts
Newbee

This can be a really frustrating situation. I think its fine to invite just your MIL’s brothers to the wedding..I doubt that people would be offended if a cousin they didn’t know didn’t invite them to thewedding.

In my situation, it was my family that was insisting we invite additional relatives who I hadn’t seen in years (or had never ever met!).  Like your Mother-In-Law, my mother insisted that they wouldn’t show up. After going 10 rounds with my mother, I just gave up and let her invite who she wanted.   In the end, it just wasn’t worth fighting over.  Plus, so far, most of these people have decline anyway.  Good luck!

 

Post # 5
Member
1423 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

I’m in a similar boat.  I don’t know all of my cousins in my dad’s huge family, so I’m just inviting the ones I know / have seen fairly recently (and their spouses and children — It adds up fast!).  In some instances this means inviting a cousin but not his/her siblings.  I don’t know if that’s common in our big family or not (there’s not really anyone I feel comfortable asking…).  Hopefully no one is too upset with me; I wouldn’t expect an invite to their weddings, either.  But, I can get away with this because my dad died a few years back, and I don’t have anyone insisting I invite them. 

So, while I agree that it doesn’t make sense to invite people you don’t really know, it may be worthwhile to do it to placate your Future Mother-In-Law.  You should just bite the bullet and invite your friends, too.  Skimp on something else if you have to, like flowers.  Roses won’t have hurt feelings for not being included in your big day 😉

Post # 6
Member
2373 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2008

We had something similar happen to us.  My Father-In-Law is not close with his family and didn’t invite his brother’s kids (even though I requested it).  None of his side ended up coming, and there’s even more hard feelings.  Personally, I would invite them (they will likely decline)- it’s the thought that counts.

Post # 8
Member
1423 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

Relatives NO ONE has ever met?  Cut!!

 

Post # 9
Member
752 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

Good to see that this has developed a little. I’d say that, according to good etiquette, lines of who to invite should never be drawn arbitrarily or according to favoritism. According to the fact that your Future Mother-In-Law has never met several of these cousins herself, that give you a very clear line along which to draw your invite cutoff.

If no one in your family has met some of these people, cut them. Just be sure that you remain fair. If you know one sibling but not the other, you should probably invite both just to avoid hurting feelings and causing resentment. I’ll echo the other posters and reiterate that those who hardly know you won’t be likely to show anyway, and at least you’ll have extended the invitation.

You never know… you might get to meet some of these cousins and find that you really like them!

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