Post # 1
My wedding is on a smallish side (roughly 80-100 guests). We’ve only planned to invite close family and friends (people we have known for at least several years if not our entire lives). Luckily we both don’t have super large families nor a huge group of friends. I am not even inviting coworkers I have known for 10 years because I’m not really close to anyone I work with, just to give you an idea.
I joined a book club about 6 years ago. Over the years several women have “dropped out” (moved, got disinterested, etc) but there is a group of about 6 ladies that have stayed as the “core” group. Over the years, we’ve gotten really close (we meet almost every week and naturally have gotten to know a lot about eachother and our lives). When it came time to send out Save-The-Date Cards last year, I sent to all six. As far as I know, they are all planning to attend. I figured that’d be one table at the wedding. Perfect. Aside from my few bridesmaids, these are my only friends invited to our wedding. My fiance has a table of his friends, too.
Wellll, here comes the dilemma. Several months ago, a few ladies have been added to the group, mostly friends of friends, daughters of my mom’s friends, by word of mouth, etc. I did not know any of these woman prior to them joining. They are all lovely, but I am by no means as close to them as I am with the “core” six. I sent out my wedding invitations out last month, and as originally planned, I only sent them out to the six, but not the others. The six obviously understand the situation, stand by me, and all agree to kind of keep it on the DL. But that doesn’t erase the fact that I feel shady as HE**. I feel so bad! It’s really getting to my conscious, but my logical self chimes in every once in while to remind me that I barely know these other girls. And I get anxious thinking about the whole thing. I’m constantly thinking of ways to fit them in, but them I keep reminding myself that again, I BARELY KNOW THESE PEOPLE. I just keep going back and forth between feeling guilty and then okay about it. I need reassurance!
Post # 2
- Wedding: August 2019 - Mountains
If these other ladies are adults they will understand that your friendships with them aren’t as long or deep as it is with the others. Don’t feel bad. You can’t invite EVERYONE to the wedding.
Post # 3
I think you’re fine. I felt so awkward when someone I barely knew invited me to her wedding. I became closer friends with her later but I am not sorry that I declined. Don’t worry about it.
Post # 4
Don’t worry about it, people understand these types of things. I’m super close to someone now that wasn’t invited to my wedding because we got close after save the dates went out and we had zero wiggle room on our guest list. I felt terrible about not inviting her, but she understood fine. Adults can deal
Post # 5
- Wedding: May 2019 - York, ME
julesm : I always have to tell myself that no one cares about my wedding as much as me. I’m sure these other women understand that they aren’t as close to you as the “core 6”, and I’m sure not receiving an invite hasn’t kept them up at night or anything. Don’t feel bad! It’s an intimate event, and they might have even felt weird being invited!
Post # 6
One of the hardest lessons to learn in life, is that you are not responsoble for others’ feelings. It would be absurd of women who have only known you at a book club, for a few months, to expect an invitation to your wedding.
Post # 7
I wouldn’t give it a second thought. Invite your core 6 and enjoy your wedding.
Post # 8
I think whatever you feel most comfortable with is fine.
Weddings can be so weird and uncomfortable and really let you know your importantce in someone’s life but I think they will understand. I have definitely been surprised by some wedding invitations, and also hurt that I didn’t get invited to others. And it’s also hard to know who you’re going to get to know better in the future and what friendships are going to fade away. For some people the last time I saw them was at their wedding and then we drifted apart. Remember that a wedding guest list is just a snapshot of who is important in your life now, and of course that will change as the years pass.
Anyway, I think I erred too much in the other direction – I invited a few extras from a group that I wasn’t close to in an attempt to have my closer friends from that group have more people to hang out with since I’d be busy. I hope I didn’t make any of them feel too awkward at being invited and most of them declined anyway.
I also have several people bringing +1s I’ve never met, so I gave up on being close to (or even knowing) everyone at my wedding a long time ago…
I’m trying to remind myself that the important people will be there, and honestly I probably won’t notice the others much because I’ll be busy with getting married and talking to the people I do know.
Post # 9
Try not to worry about not inviting them. I would totally feel the same way as you but when you look back on your wedding you probably won’t even give this a second thought. You’ll remember spending time with the people you are close to. Even if a person is disapointed with not getting an invite people are understanding and I’m sure they can see you are closer to the other 6 ladies. One of my best firends only invited a few of her co-workers, people she was actually friends with to her wedding. Her co-workers understood she was having a small wedding and it wasn’t a big deal even when a few other co-workers got married they invited the whole office and people were expecting my friend to do the same.
Post # 10
They jsut dont have a strong or deep enough friendship with you yet. 🙂 thats okay. If everyone tried to accomodate all recently made friends last minute, weddings would be so chaotic!
Post # 11
You have all been so helpful! I’ll just visit this thread anytime I’m having doubts/guilty feelings. Thanks so much
Post # 12
Don’t stress. We kept our wedding small at 50. Only close family and close friends. Others knew about the wedding, even friends, but I made it know that it was meant to be quite small and intimate. Everyone understood, I did hear some people complain, but those that complained I wasn’t close to enough to care. This is a special time to share with those closests, it’s not to feed and give others a good time.
Post # 13
You are waaaaay overthinking this!
No reasonable adult would expect to be invited to an acquaintences wedding that they have only known for a matter of months, and only know through a formal group.
This is not something to stress yourself out over.