Post # 1
So my other half and I both have large families (each parent is at least one of six) with significant amounts of family members we do not see/keep in contact with regularly. My family has always been the type though that when you get married you invite everyone; cousins, significant others of cousins, the whole nine yards.
I guess what I’m asking is for reassurance that it’s not messed up to not invite all family members, especially ones I don’t keep in contact with/that don’t keep in contact with me, that I don’t especially get along with, etc. For example, is it wrong for me to invite some of my moms siblings, but not others? Some of my cousins, but not their siblings? Because I defintely feel guilty.
I haven’t been especially close with my moms side of the family (I don’t speak to my mother anymore) but have been working to change that recently with some family members. Particularly I’m worried some of her siblings will take offense to her not being invited to the wedding. But they’ll also take offense to THEM not being invited. I’m just not really sure what the best way to proceed is.
Post # 2
I believe the general recommendation is to invite in ‘circles’ so you don’t insult people by, as you suggest, inviting an aunt but not her brother. However I had to draw a line somewhere and didn’t invite most of my dad’s family. I like them but hardly see them adn felt guilty asking people I hadn’t seen in years to fly across country for my wedding, so I invited the set I was absolutely closest to only. They didn’t attend, though I didn’t hear of any upset and was later invited to one of the other ‘cousins’ weddings with no hard feelings and everyone happy to see me. I guess it’s a “know your people” situation as to whether it would be taken poorly.
Post # 3
This is one of those consequences moments. For example not inviting an uncle when all of his siblings are invited may cause a rift, not just with the uncle but with his siblings and other relatives. If you can live with that then invite who you want.
I am on the side that excluding someone like one sibling/parent/cousin/aunt etc without a good reason is a bit mean. I didn’t invite one of my siblings but I have zero relationship with them and never care to so was happy to live with the consequences.
Post # 4
I think it’s best to invite in circles as well. We are inviting immediate family and friends. Aunts, uncles and cousins arn’t invited because we do not feel comfortable inviting some and not others. I can’t invite a cousin but not their siblings, it’s not something I feel comfortable with.
Post # 5
I think you should invite the people you care about and are close to, but not the ones you never see and aren’t in touch with. But I’d try not to invite six out of seven uncles and that kind of thing.
Post # 6
Do what you feel is best and what will make you happiest on the day.
This is what we did and etiquette be damned, we had a 48 person wedding and were not interested in having a single person there that we didn’t love.
DH chose not to invite two of his brothers. They literally have nothing to do with each other and haven’t seen each other in years. It would have been weird to invite them.
I didn’t invite several family members are they are estranged or I have not had anything to do with them in my adult life. I invited my Gran knowing she wouldn’t come without her daughter (my Aunty that my family doesn’t speak to) which was great as I didn’t want her there but I didn’t want my Dad getting it in the neck if she wasn’t invited.
Sounds harsh but I don’t care. No regrets.
Post # 7
- Wedding: May 2020 - Austin, TX
I wonder about this too. We want to keep our wedding fairly small. We have aunts uncles cousins that we are very close with and see all the time while we have other thats we really only see on Christmas and Thanksgiving. Seems silly to have to invite those people….Is that the horrible?
Post # 8
I invited every aunt, uncle AND great aunt/uncle on my moms side.
I invited 2 people from my dads side.
If you aren’t concerned about their feelings after, I don’t see the point in wasting a stamp.