Inviting some kids and not others

posted 2 years ago in Guests
Post # 2
Member
13904 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I think you should always set a line and invite like that.  That means, invite the kids of all cousins, or none of those kids.  This avoids the look of favoritism when you invite some children and not others.

Post # 3
Member
961 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

its completely ok! if someone asks just say it was super last minte and you didnt want anything big. people will speak bad regardless. 

Post # 4
Member
955 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2019

I think it would be rude to only invite some of your cousins’ kids and not others. It should be all or nothing in my opinion.

Post # 5
Member
715 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

In proper etiquette, you should always invite in circles – eg, your siblings kids but no others, your cousins kids but no others, kids over a certain age (eg 10), with exceptions for nursing babies.

Post # 6
Member
360 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2021 - British Columbia, Canada

I’ll share my unpopular opinion that you shouldn’t feel obligated to extend invitations to those you’re not close to, family or no. It’s your day. Venues have limits and so do your budgets – reasonable people will understand this. Invite those who you truly want there, then if you have room, consider the courtesy invites. 

Post # 7
Member
8947 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

View original reply
cocobbbb :  When you draw a line/invite in circles, that is making a neutral statement. It might mean your venue is at capacity, your budget doesn’t allow more kids, you prefer a quieter event, etc. But when you include some kids and exclude others within the same circle, that is stating defninitely “I like these kids more.” The cousins whose kids ARE invited, and the cousins whose kids aren’t, are both going to understand this. Seems like that would be really awkward for everyone. Are you willing to make this public statement that you like some kids better than others? You are allowed to, but there is likely to be fallout from it. 

Post # 8
Member
9773 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

Personally I think it’s rude to only invite certain people’s kids, with the exception of flower girls/ring bearers.

Like I’m good enough to bring you a present, but not as good as these other people who get to bring their kids? I see where I rank on the friendship level…

For the record I had a child free wedding so I have nothing against them.

Post # 9
Member
242 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2018 - Vaughan, ON

View original reply
cocobbbb :  i polietley added that we as a couple wanted an adult only environment, but due to circumstances of family traveling and siblings children (nieces and nephews) that some exceptions have been made. I also added that we apologized for any inconveience and we wanted the adults to have a wonderful night out.

Its not rude at all. Its your wedding. None of my cousins or family nor his were upset that other children were there and not theirs. we had 9 in total that came, if we had invited all kids it would have been an extra 30 people. 

Post # 12
Member
242 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2018 - Vaughan, ON

View original reply
cocobbbb :  I sent it in my details portion of my invitations. I love my family butttt I didn’t want to be overrun with kids and no one was going to say boo to me for having my nieces and nephews there. 

Post # 13
Member
1227 posts
Bumble bee

View original reply
Westwood :  I completely agree with this. 

OP you have to choose all or none.. otherwise it’s a real slap in the face to those whose kids you dont favor. 

Post # 14
Member
1019 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

View original reply
Westwood :  But, isn’t it better to know where you stand? I’m not sure how you *don’t* know that you aren’t close to someone, but basically she’s supposed to lead them on instead. 

OP, Will people be upset when their kids aren’t invited but others are? Yes, because people feel entitled to equal treatment regardless of relationship. Should you care? No, because you aren’t close to these people so what are they going to do, be mad about it? Someone you aren’t close to will be mad. 

Post # 15
Member
13244 posts
Honey Beekeeper

View original reply
cocobbbb :  It’s making a pretty public statement. The guideline is to invite by categories, for example, all kids of first cousins or none in this case. If not, it’s likely that people you care about will notice and their feelings will be hurt. If you are consistent  it’s much harder for people to complain or hold a grudge. 

By the way, contrary to what some believe, having children in the bridal party is not considered a good reason to discriminate between those related in the same way. They are first and foremost your guests, not props. 

That said, there is nothing wrong with including some children and not others as long as you follow this guideline. For example, children of family only, or children of siblings only. 

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