Inviting some kids, but not all?

posted 9 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
79 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

This can be a touchy subject, so tread carefully!

Unless there’s a solid dividing line such as “only nieces/nephews and first cousins are invited, all other kids are out,” or there’s an age cut-off, I think it would be pretty rude to invite some kids and not others. That’s like saying to parents, “we like these kids and want them at our wedding, but your kids aren’t good enough!”

If you decide to have an age cut-off, like no children under 10, then it would be nice if you assisted the parents of younger children with finding babysitting, etc.

Post # 4
Member
1363 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

I think you need to figure out who to include and who not to include in a gracious way.  I don’t know that it has to be a hard and fast rule (i.e. your coworkers don’t need to bring their kids, but family friends could), but it is something you’ll want to be careful with.

Post # 5
Member
666 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2010

I think it depends on which kids you want to invite.  There should be a clear cut rule, i.e., children over age 12, children who are blood relatives, etc.

We are inviting only the children of immediate family, so my sister’s kids and FI’s brother’s kid.  People will understand that better than if you choose based on a more abitrary standard, like children of people you like more or children who are better behaved.  It might be nice to do it that way, but would probably cause much more drama.

Post # 6
Member
2324 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

I agree with pp’s advice of making it a blanket reason. Only family or immediate family or over a certain age or under a certain age {babies, etc.} are good groups.

Post # 7
Member
174 posts
Blushing bee

We invited ONLY my fiance’s nieces & nephews. I would have prefered not to have them at all, but it meant a lot to him. Our concern was that we didn’t want to risk having a baby crying at the ceremony. Since the youngest of his cousins is 5 I think we’ll be ok.

We did offer to help guests with young children find childcare, however, so now we’re looking for someone to watch 3 babies for the day/night.

Post # 8
Member
1573 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

I think its all or nothingor you will offend your friends and family to no end; you can invite all your bridal party kids or your own nephews and nieces but once you make exceptions jealousy ensues and people feel bad they had to get babysitters while others did not, think about it

 

everyone I invited can bring their kids because its mostly my nephews and nieces , 3 are not immediate one’s a cousin’s kid two is a good friend’s kid I stay with when I ski in vermont (payback time)

Post # 9
Member
2725 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

We invited all because a) we don’t want anyone getting mad because their kids were not invited but so and so’s were and b) we want to included our family and friends kids because they’re just as much a part of our circle as the parents.

I think if you are going to invite some and not all, I would either invite just kids of relatives and not friends or set an age limit so that you have very clear boundries of who is invited and who is not.

Post # 10
Member
521 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

We had a blanket rule: if you were under 12, you weren’t coming.  It was hard to enforce, but we did it.  If you’re going to invite some and not others, you need a hard and fast rule: no kids that aren’t neices/nephews/1st cousins, no kids under the age of 10, no kids that aren’t breastfeeding, etc.  Otherwise, you’ll have a hell of a time explaining to a guest why they had to find a babysitter for your wedding and someone else didn’t.

Post # 11
Member
2641 posts
Sugar bee

I think the best thing is to really look at the guest list, and figure out how (if) you can make a clear division, like some pps have said.  Who is it you are looking to invite?  Who do you want to avoid inviting? 

I think the easier division is just family, rather than the age thing.  What if you made the cut off at 14 years old, but there was a family with a 15 yr old boy and 12 yr old girl?  Then the whole family gets to go except the girl?  And being a girl that poor 12 yr old probably wanted to go, and might now feel hurt. 

But as for simply inviting all kids, I don’t think that should necessarily apply.  Why shouldn’t it be OK, to invite your own nieces and nephews, but not include your coworkers’ kids?  Or a friend’s kids you really don’t know?  But I don’t think it’s OK to invite some of your cousins, and exclude others because you don’t like them, or feel they’ll be obnoxious.

Post # 13
Member
2641 posts
Sugar bee

SO out of these 20 kids, are they all family?

Post # 15
Member
5154 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2010

I had to deal with a similar situation. My FH and I originally decided to invite only first cousins but all my fist cousins are older with children (my second cousins) and all of his are younger, most under 18. In the end we decided to include all cousins AND second cousins because it would be difficult to explain why my FH’s younger family members were allowed but mine were not.

Good luck

Post # 16
Member
2365 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

I think that this is the kind of situation that has to be dealt with depending on your family dynamics. For example, I wish to have no children besides my flower girl and ring bearer, but out of respect … I’m inviting 2 extra children whom will most likely not come. I’m choosing to invite them based on fmil’s advice. It is her sisters son-in-law and his 2 children – their mother passed away and so I am inviting them as a family to come because he would not come alone.

I’m not inviting any other children at all. Most of the parents have even made it clear that they want to have fun and party, not watch over their children, and would rather leave them with sitters.

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