(Closed) Inviting someone to ceremony but not reception

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: If you had a split day wedding, would you feel hurt if you were not invited to the reception?

    Not at all

    Of course

    Yes, but it’s their wedding so 🤷🏻‍♀️

  • Post # 47
    Member
    974 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2017

    View original reply
    glutton :  I don’t think it’s rude as much as tacky and pointless.   I think the majority of tiered invites come from people misinterpreting others excitement.   I ran into a random high school friend once who told me she was getting married.   I said, how exciting and asked her for details because conversation and wrapped it up telling her that it sounded amazing and like so much fun and how happy I was that she was getting married. A week later I got a fb invite for the ceremony only.  Obviously,  it was because I ran into her and she mistakenly thought that because I was happy she was getting married that I’d want to be a part i of the day in some way . This was also a ceremony I’d have to travel to.  I’m surprised you actually did travel to one.  There is nobody,  except for my nieces,  that I’d do that for.  

    Post # 48
    Member
    2274 posts
    Buzzing bee

    This was actually a very common practice back in the Stone Age, when I got married.

    It was not necessary to reply to “ceremony” invitations nor to give a gift, but in those times, an invitation to the whole shebang assumed a wedding gift would be given, and being as it was a very conformist era, most people did what was expected of them.

    Post # 49
    Member
    2164 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: NJ

    Way back in the Dark Ages when I was 7, my mom got a wedding invitation for the wedding of her former best friend’s daughter. Ceremony only. 

    She put the invitation directly into the trash, saying no one has to be invited to the church, it is a public place. The thing that requires an invitation is the reception, which is private. And apparently she was not valued enough to be invited to that. 

    My mom was an etiquette beast, and this has always stuck with me. Very hurtful and yes, rude.

    Post # 50
    Member
    310 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: July 2018

    View original reply
    glutton :  Guests should be invited to both. I have friends who can’t attend the ceremony but were invited, so will be joining for the reception. I think it’s a no-no personally. Just don’t invite them to either, or invite to both.

    Post # 51
    Member
    36 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: August 2017

    My sister recently attended her coworker’s wedding. I cannot recall what culture the coworker and her husband are part of, but I know they are not from the States originally. A large number of guests were invited to the ceremony and luncheon following the ceremony. A smaller number of intimate friends and family were invited to the evening reception. It didn’t seem like people found it rude or tacky; however, I suppose this is somewhat different because anyone who received an invite WAS hosted for a luncheon, just not all of the festivities.

    Post # 52
    Member
    10636 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper

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    MrsWiggles :  

    This makes no sense . “Ass to fill a seat ” ?  It costs a lot to put that ass there . It’s not something the UK ‘allows’,  it is accepted custom just as it it US custom to  expect a bridesmaid  to buy her  dress for your wedding  and generally attend and arrange  expensive parties, including a shower which has no other purpose than to get gifts 

    Post # 53
    Member
    1829 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: April 2018

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    elderbee :  funny you bring up the dress. I personally don’t believe a bridesmaid should pay for their dress. It is my wedding. That’s why we paid for our bridal parties attire. Both sides. Because I do think it’s odd to ask someone to stand with you on such a big day then tell them to spend money on a dress you request. 

    And again, personally I asked nothing of my bridal party besides show up on the day in the dress I paid for. I didn’t expect to get a shower, but that was thrown by his family. Both my girls live out of state from me. The fact that they threw me a Bach party was amazing. Never asked for or expected. 

    I know how much it costs to throw a wedding. I did it. I still worked my budget to ensure people were very well taken care of. Yes, it is an ass in a seat to me. They are not good enough to see you marry, but good enough to party with you later. I personally find it weird that the UK does this. Since normally they are the ones with more etiquette rules.

    Post # 54
    Member
    10636 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper

    Do you also find it ‘weird’ that Chinese and Indian brides wear red? Or guests pin money on Greek brides dresses? Or that in many places the whole village or community just turns up? It’s rather insular of you, you know , to insist that a UK custom is ‘weird ‘ because you don’t follow it .
    That you personally didn’t follow some of the US expectations is irrelevant .

    It is, incidentally, nothing at all to do with being ‘not good enough’ to see you marry, more to do originally with degrees of relationship.

    Post # 55
    Member
    368 posts
    Helper bee

    View original reply
    elderbee :  “Do you also find it ‘weird’ that Chinese and Indian brides wear red? Or guests pin money on Greek brides dresses? Or that in many places the whole village or community just turns up?”

    None of the things you listed can in any way be construed as rude or insulting to a guest, though.

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