(Closed) Inviting someone you DON'T want at your wedding?

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 2
3383 posts
Sugar bee

Sorry, bee, but you should invite her. Etiquette says bridal party gets +1s.

Hopefully you won’t even notice she’s there.

Post # 3
556 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

She sounds like a cow, but honestly she won’t ruin your wedding and she’s his brothers wife. Suck it up and invite her or your as bad as she is.

Post # 4
30398 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

My Dad always used to say you don’t have to like your sisters but you have to love them because they are family.

Similar situation here. You don’t have to like her, but you do have to invite her. You will be so busy at your wedding, you won’t even notice her presence.

Post # 5
683 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

She is married to the best man who is his brother so she has to be invited. 

Post # 6
1455 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2016

Sorry, to me, she is a must invite.

Post # 7
3080 posts
Sugar bee

View original reply
cnt13:  Have an adult only wedding and maybe she’ll decide to stay home with their child.

Post # 8
9971 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

You have to invite her.  It would be very rude not to.

I can promise you — the day of your wedding, you will be so busy and engaged that you won’t even notice her there!

Post # 9
73 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: April 2016 - Rifle Falls

I agree with the other posts. Invite her. It’s just for one day for a few hours. If you don’t invite her, it will cause problems in the family for years to come

Post # 10
222 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

I agree with pp. This one you have to suck up and invite her. 

Post # 11
486 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

You should invite her. You will be so busy and happy on your wedding day, her presence shouldn’t bother you unless you let it.

Post # 12
1819 posts
Buzzing bee

I would say don’t invite her. Make it clear that her behavior comes with consequences. Your Fiance has his brother as his best man and she is not invited. Why should you invite someone a) you dont actually want there, b) could potentially cause stress amongst multiple people and c) who has exhibited repeated behavior of not respecting you or your Fiance. I’m a firm believer in setting boundaries and holding people accountable for their actions. 

Sure, you can’t pick your family. You don’t have to invite her either. Some have said this goes against ettiquette, but why uphold (ridiculous) ettiquette rules for someone who has not shown you the least amount of respect? By inviting her you could be inviting potential drama on your day and you don’t need that fear stressing you out. 

Here’s what I recommend. Email (or FB message) both the brother and his wife.  Explain that your Fiance wants his brother as best man and she is not invited based on her behavior. You can either give examples of her behavior in the email or not, up to you. This way there is no chance of her thinking she is invited and she can understand why she is not. 

Does her husband, your Fiance brother, understand the problems you have with her? Would he be ok being best man without her in attendance or would it be all or nothing? (ie he would not attend due to her not being invited) I think finding out this answer would be beneficial before making any moves. Sounds like your Fiance really wants his brother as best man, understandably so, and knowing if inviting his wife is a deal breaker or not would be important to making your decision. 

Just my two cents that goes against the grain of every other bee on here. I don’t care about ettiquette, not that I try to be rude. I have been a people pleaser for too much of my life. I did not and would not invite someone to my wedding I truly did not want to have in attendance. Good luck, op. 

Post # 13
3756 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2015 - Hotel Ballroom

I was forced into inviting my DH’s cousin’s girlfriend (who I really dont get along with) in favour of keeping the peace. On my day though, it was like she wasn’t there. Looking back, it wasn’t a big deal.

Post # 14
6574 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

Your fiance says she gets an invite, so therefore, she gets an invite. Suck it up and make it work. 

Post # 15
1740 posts
Bumble bee

View original reply
cnt13:  If people give you a hard time with quesiton, its because its come up a lot before. For some reason we seem to see this question (which different details) posted over and over. The resounding majority feel (about 99 percent at least!!!!) That married couples should always be invited together as a unit. Imagine if your husband was invited to a wedding that you weren’t! 

So let’s skip the why that is, assuming a lot of other people will cover that. Let me reassure you, as someone that just got married a couple weeks ago, that it really won’t matter if she is there. When you are the bride and have that many people to connect with, it is just overwhelming and impossible to even bond enough wiht the people you want to bond with. You have the total power and control the whole day/night to speak and play with who you chose. You also dictate where people are sitting. I didnt actually have anyone at my wedding that I really didn’t want to talk to, but I feel like I barely spoke to anyone! Not true excactly, but the whole day/night feels like a happy blur, like a dream. Let me assure you that if you are a normal/sweet person, you will be in such a good mood and happily dancing/drinking/playing with all your favorite people that you will barely notice this person you don’t like, barely see her, and she will definitley not be able to ruin your day. My advice would be to invite and accept it and move on to the stuff that really matters. 

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