Post # 1
Is there a limit to how many friends you would allow your parents to invite when neither you or your significant other know them? My fiance’s parents gave us a quote for their guest list (including family) and they want to invite about 2 tables worth (20 people!) of their own friends. Recently this year, his parents would play sports with these people once a week, so it’s not exactly like they’re especially close friends either. I can understand if my fiance knew them (whether growing up or now as an adult), but neither my fiance or I have ever MET these people.
Our guest list is in the 170-190 range, so while it’s not exactly a small wedding, I’m still trying to keep the numbers as low as possible. My parents have restricted the number of friends they are inviting, but I have actually known them my whole life and grown up with their kids. Our parents are splitting the reception bill (my parents pay for my side and his parents pay for his) and his parents were already kind enough to offer to pay for our friends (about 2 tables worth as well), so a part of me feels conflicted about making a fuss. However, my fiance and I are covering everything else in the wedding (including an open bar, appetizers for cocktail hour, and reception decor), and ultimately it would still add up for us on our end. My fiance knows I’m unhappy with the number of friends his parents quoted, but doesn’t seem to be bothered as much by it.
I am still very grateful our parents were generous enough to help us out with our wedding, but does it mean they should get to invite as many friends as they want? I’ve spoken with a family friend who married last year and said she experienced the same thing with her in-laws, only it was about 10 strangers (out of 200 guests). I get if your parents want to invite a couple friends, but is 20 strangers no big deal? I’d love to hear stories of people who experienced a similar problem and how they dealt with it 🙂
Post # 3
@jcl12: My parents are paying for my wedding because they are awesome and I’m lucky /we’re moving as our honeymoon so we would’ve just gone to JOP and as the only girl that wasn’t going to fly 🙂
That being said it was my mom’s suggestion, because her parents took her wedding over, that Fi and I set our number cap. We list absolutely everyone we want to invite- then we divide the leftover between the two sets of parents. No more, no less. I am not looking forward to seeing strangers or relatives I haven’t seen in a decade (so strangers) at my wedding, but I think we have enough people will know and love it won’t affect us. As long as they don’t violate our rule of no kids- we’ll be ok.
I think in this situation, especially when you’re covering things like the open bar- you need to discuss with them the cap and what they have to work with. Esp if you have a cost cap.
Post # 4
I think if they are paying for these extra guests, and the space allows them, you should just suck it up and let these people come. Be sure to say something like “Ok, but I don’t think the space will allow for anyone other than this final list” so they don’t keep adding people.
These could be close friends – I see a lot of my closest friends much less than once a week, so they could have developed really tight relationships with these people. Could you suggest you and your Fiance tag along some day, maybe to a social event, so you will at least recognize them at the wedding?
Post # 5
My philosophy was that if our parents wanted to pay for their friends’ to attend our wedding, they could invite whomever they wanted. We paid for our entire wedding, except friends of parents. We drew the line at 1st cousins – beyond that, if our parents wanted them there, it was up to them to cough up the money. I thought it was a fair arrangement…and it limited the number of randoms that attended 🙂
Post # 6
@piacavoleKt: that’s actually a good suggestion about capping the guest list and forcing his parents to narrow it down. I really like this idea. I don’t know why I didn’t think of it before! 🙂
@futuremrsfitz18: I’m honestly not too sure how close they are with these people. They only play the sports seasonally, and they only met these people only in the last year or so. They’ve never come to visit my fiance’s/his parents house. My fiance and I are actually planning our wedding long distance (we are living in another city a 90 min plane ride away but our wedding, family and friends are back at home) and so I’m also familiar with not being able to see your close friends often. Unfortunately it means we will not even get to meet these people until the actual day of the wedding :/
Post # 7
- Wedding: January 2013 - Harbourfront Grand Hall
@jcl12: ZERO, it’s YOUR wedding and being socially awkward I don’t want to have to meet anyone on my wedding day…
Post # 8
No way .. two tables of complete strangers? Why on earth would these people want to come to your wedding? I never understood that. A friend of mine had one table of her friends, no +1’s, to her wedding and her parents friends had 3 tables, all couples and she only knew 2 couples.
She said it was awkward going up to their table to thank them, get a pic with all the people that came to her wedding when she had to be introduced to them, and honestly had no clue who they are. Is there a way you could cut their list by half or something?
Post # 9
I promise you, it is a life saver. It is a great way to get the people you want at your wedding and still respect the parentals involved. For the ones who don’t make the cut we’re sending “Just married!” announcements out so they get the nod we wanted them to know about our special day regardless if we could host them or not.
Post # 9
Why would these once a week sports friends even WANT to go to your wedding? They don’t even know you and barely know your FIL’s or only superficially. If they are invited I bet most won’t show up anyway.
Post # 10
palebluepetals: This thread is 3 years old and the wedding has already happened.