(Closed) Inviting the nightmare guest…tiny rant.

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
10851 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

I think if you haven’t spoken to either of them in 9 months, then skip them. You’re right that there’s no way to leave her out if you’re inviting him. On the other hand, you could just hope they’ll RSVP no or be no-shows. At our wedding, Darling Husband invited a friend who was dating a bipolar schizophrenic stripper with homicidal tendencies (I wish I could make this stuff up…), needless to say I was a wee bit nervous about them coming. They ended up being no shows. *whew*

What do you think the fall out would be if you didn’t invite them?

Post # 4
Member
6661 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

Hmm.. there’s no way to do it without causing WWIII. There’s no nice way to say “Your wife is a trainwrek and isn’t invited”. And if you try to lie and say that it wasn’t in the budget to invite his wife, he’ll realize you were fibbing because he’ll see all the other wives there. If your husband is close enough with him to have a heart-to-heart about your concerns with his wife, you could try that route.. otherwise I just don’t know how to invite only him and not her.

My sister didn’t invite her best friends husband because of similar reasons. But she was upfront with her friend from the beginning about it and the friend understood. If this guy doesn’t realize or won’t admit to himsefl that his wife is inappropriate this could easily explode in your face. So proceed with caution!

Post # 6
Member
10851 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

@Frustratedbird: Does Fiance recognize this woman is a walking disaster? I would let him know your concerns and see if he’d feel comfortable talking to this guy or a mutual friend about it. It might seem weird if he calls this dude after 9 months and says “Hey, so we want to invite you to the wedding, but we need to chat about your wife and her drunken stripping habits…” Maybe a mutual friend could shed some light on the issue?

Post # 7
Member
354 posts
Helper bee

Well if they are friends enough that he wants them at your wedding, even thought there has been no contact for 9 months (really?! *shrug*) they should be friends enough for your Fiance to say something along the lines of (but nicely) “Your wife + alcohol + weddings = nakedness and embaressment.  I do not want this at our wedding.  Please make sure you have a sitter for the kids, as this is an adult ONLY event.  Kids are not welcome, and unfortunately if you show up with the kids you will be asked to leave”

You could also perhaps talk with the bartender(s)/host(s), and give them a heads up that it is okay to cut people off *cough*nightmare naked wifey person*cough* and to use their professional discression in doing so *cough*especially with nightmare naked wifey person currently wearing red dress, but who knows for how much longer*cough*??

Post # 9
Member
504 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I say don’t chance it and don’t invite either one of them. If your Fiance isn’t close to this guy then is the FI really going to care about hurt feelings when he, the other guy, isn’t invited? I would go ahead and assume she is going to act the same way she always does and will have her kids in tow. If you really don’t want to deal with that then don’t. I don’t believe in inviting people to your wedding who you really don’t want there just for the sake of.

Post # 11
Member
10851 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

@Frustratedbird: It sounds to me like you’re backed into a corner. I’d do what Michkarose suggested, give the heads up to the bar staff, and maybe assign a Groomsmen to keeping an eye on her. I know I was 99% sure one of our guests was going to show up with their kids at our wedding despite me telling them a hundred times there were no kids allowed. I asked a Groomsmen to keep an eye peeled for them before the ceremony, and if they got out of the car with the kids then to walk over, pop them back in the car and send them home with our regrets. I’d be a bit nervous about it all too, but on the day you’ll be so busy you likely won’t even notice her. I’d just keep other people watching to her to make sure she doesn’t make a scene, and if she does, I’d get someone to put her in a taxi back to the hotel or whatever.

Post # 12
Member
4137 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

if your fiance isn’t close to him, put your foot down and don’t invite either! don’t tell him that you don’t want his wife at the wedding because she’s a disaster — that’s very hurtful, no matter your feelings about her. just don’t say anything and don’t invite them, simple as that.

Post # 13
Member
714 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

@Frustratedbird: Its a huge faux pas to invite one half of a married couple.  Either invite them both or neither of them.  If you decide to invite them both, maybe ask someone in the group make sure they understand that kids aren’t welcome and then ask a few of your mutual friends to keep an eye on her at the wedding.  If she starts to get out of line you can have the bartender cut her off or worst case, someone pulls her husband aside and tells him its time for them to go. 

Post # 14
Member
354 posts
Helper bee

I am a great interventionalist (does that make sense? lol).  At one of my good friends wedding, I was in charge of keeping grannie in check.  Grannie likes her booze, and is out spoken enough without adding alcohol into the mix.  Grannie also LOVES to take any opportunity to upset the Bride that she can.  She’s just a really mean old lady 🙁 

All of the beloved family members were sat up close to the head table. Grannie, her bf and some other oldies but goodies, were sat right by the entrance to the hall.  The real reasoning behind this was to keep Grannie as faaaaaaaaaaar away from the Bride as possible.  What I was instructed to tell Grannie, was that it would be easier for her to make use of the facilities (washroom) given her medical condition and all.  We wanted to make sure she would be comfortable 😉  She still grumbled away, but I made nice and she played well with everyone on that particular day.

If wifey must come, then she should be assigned a baby sitter, as well as having the people in charge of alcohol monitor her intake.  Btw love this comment: “I asked a Groomsmen to keep an eye peeled for them before the ceremony, and if they got out of the car with the kids then to walk over, pop them back in the car and send them home with our regrets.”  sooooo perfect!!!

BEST OF LUCK!!!!

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