Inviting the once-mistress to the bridal shower?

posted 11 months ago in Family
Post # 2
2855 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

She might have been the mistress but she is now the fiancée and soon to be wife/step mother.


i think you have to invite her. You might not like or approve of her but she is a part of your soon to be family. 

I would, however, give the Mother-In-Law the heads up that she will be there and have a bridesmaid run interference between you / her / MIL 

Post # 3
9674 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2014 - Chicago, IL

I wouldn’t invite her, solely because you said you don’t like her. If you had a good relationship with her that would be much different. 

Traditionally, if she is invited to the wedding she should be invited to the shower, but I’m not one to follow tradition. 

Post # 4
2011 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

You absolutely don’t have to invite her. I wouldn’t.

Post # 5
4661 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

I wouldn’t. 

Post # 6
3456 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2017 - City, State

I wouldn’t invite her because you don’t like her. The shower is for close friends and family, not every female you know or every female who may be invited to the wedding. You are not close to her. Don’t invite her. 

Post # 7
3727 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

I also wouldn’t invite her. Being invited to the wedding doesn’t mean you’re automatically invited to the shower. 

Post # 8
1258 posts
Bumble bee

I wouldn’t invite her either. It’s not as though you have a good relationship and want her there in the first place, nevermind your FMIL’s feelings.

Post # 9
2915 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

A big no from me…I  hope he cheats on her too! Karma is a bitch!

Post # 10
2108 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

Is it worth jeopardizing your relationship with your Father-In-Law over this? As uncomfortable as it will be for your Mother-In-Law, she will have to get used to her ex’s new wife being involved in family events, it’s inevitable. This does not seem like this is a hill to die on.  Where are you going to draw the line? If the new fiance/wife will be at the wedding, why push back on her being invited to the shower? How does your fiance feel about it? I would respect his feelings as your may be jeopardizing his family relationships if you do or don’t invite her. 

Post # 11
6833 posts
Busy Beekeeper

I’d invite her to the wedding, but not the shower. The shower is supposed to be your closest, nearest and dearest.  I don’t think anyone *has* to be invited to the shower.

Post # 12
6633 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

mickeynicki :  No chance would I invite her.  I wouldn’t invite her to the wedding either, etiquette be damned.  I don’t have any respect for people who break their wedding vows in that fashion and wouldn’t want them around me.  Call me spiteful but I wouldn’t invite the dad either and he’d hear from me why if I were his son!  Ick.

Post # 13
391 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

mickeynicki :  Traditionally those who attend the bridal shower are the close friends and family (women usually) of the BRIDE. If you’re not close with her I wouldn’t invite her. Seeing as how she broke up your Future In-Laws marriage, I think she’d be diluted to even think she’d be invited!  Your Mother-In-Law is your fiancée’s actual mother. She has dibs! 

Post # 14
363 posts
Helper bee

mickeynicki :  From everything you’ve stated, it’s a huge no-go from me. She’s not invited, your future Father-In-Law and her  can deal with it.

Post # 15
317 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2025 - City, State

What does your fiance think?  It’s his family, let him decide how he wants to handle it.

Leave a comment

Find Amazing Vendors