Post # 1
I’m looking for some advice on the guest list for the bridal shower my mom is throwing for me. Long story short, my fiancé’s dad cheated on his mom and they had an extremely nasty divorce. Father-In-Law and his mistress continued to date and he proposed back in February. I’m very close with my fiance’s mom and am of course inviting her to the shower, but I’m torn on the mistress. Personally I don’t want her there: she’s self-centered and makes everything about her (she tried to hijack my engagement party and turn it into a party for herself), not to mention it’ll make things uncomfortable for my Mother-In-Law. My mom says I should invite her because it’ll piss off my Father-In-Law if I don’t include her. I know I have to deal with her at the wedding and there’s no way around that, but I want to avoid any extra unnecessary stress and problems. Has anyone been in a similar position, and what did you do? Anyone have tips or advice for inviting her or not?
Post # 2
She might have been the mistress but she is now the fiancée and soon to be wife/step mother.
i think you have to invite her. You might not like or approve of her but she is a part of your soon to be family.
I would, however, give the Mother-In-Law the heads up that she will be there and have a bridesmaid run interference between you / her / MIL
Post # 3
- Wedding: March 2014 - Chicago, IL
I wouldn’t invite her, solely because you said you don’t like her. If you had a good relationship with her that would be much different.
Traditionally, if she is invited to the wedding she should be invited to the shower, but I’m not one to follow tradition.
Post # 4
You absolutely don’t have to invite her. I wouldn’t.
Post # 6
- Wedding: April 2017 - City, State
I wouldn’t invite her because you don’t like her. The shower is for close friends and family, not every female you know or every female who may be invited to the wedding. You are not close to her. Don’t invite her.
Post # 7
I also wouldn’t invite her. Being invited to the wedding doesn’t mean you’re automatically invited to the shower.
Post # 8
I wouldn’t invite her either. It’s not as though you have a good relationship and want her there in the first place, nevermind your FMIL’s feelings.
Post # 9
A big no from me…I hope he cheats on her too! Karma is a bitch!
Post # 10
Is it worth jeopardizing your relationship with your Father-In-Law over this? As uncomfortable as it will be for your Mother-In-Law, she will have to get used to her ex’s new wife being involved in family events, it’s inevitable. This does not seem like this is a hill to die on. Where are you going to draw the line? If the new fiance/wife will be at the wedding, why push back on her being invited to the shower? How does your fiance feel about it? I would respect his feelings as your may be jeopardizing his family relationships if you do or don’t invite her.
Post # 11
I’d invite her to the wedding, but not the shower. The shower is supposed to be your closest, nearest and dearest. I don’t think anyone *has* to be invited to the shower.
Post # 12
mickeynicki : No chance would I invite her. I wouldn’t invite her to the wedding either, etiquette be damned. I don’t have any respect for people who break their wedding vows in that fashion and wouldn’t want them around me. Call me spiteful but I wouldn’t invite the dad either and he’d hear from me why if I were his son! Ick.
Post # 13
mickeynicki : Traditionally those who attend the bridal shower are the close friends and family (women usually) of the BRIDE. If you’re not close with her I wouldn’t invite her. Seeing as how she broke up your Future In-Laws marriage, I think she’d be diluted to even think she’d be invited! Your Mother-In-Law is your fiancée’s actual mother. She has dibs!
Post # 14
mickeynicki : From everything you’ve stated, it’s a huge no-go from me. She’s not invited, your future Father-In-Law and her can deal with it.
Post # 15
- Wedding: November 2025 - City, State
What does your fiance think? It’s his family, let him decide how he wants to handle it.