Inviting the once-mistress to the bridal shower?

posted 10 months ago in Family
Post # 16
634 posts
Busy bee

I wouldn’t invite her and if she or your fiancés father want to get upset about it then maybe they should have thought about the consequences of their actions before their affair. 

Post # 17
1904 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

Nope. If the dads feelings get hurt, he should have thought of his wife’s feelings before he cheated on her. 

Post # 18
3382 posts
Sugar bee

I did not invite my stepmom. Everyone was an adult and understood.

Post # 19
4973 posts
Honey bee

Uhh, that’s a big fat no you don’t have to. 

Post # 20
1891 posts
Buzzing bee

I agree with you 100% peekaboobs :  there are real life consequences for cheating. He is lucky his kids are even still speaking to him after what he did to their mother. I think you should ask your fiancé how he wants to handle his dad and the mistress in general in your lives. Does he care if his dad isn’t around so much? Is he fine standing his ground when his dad gets upset his mistress isn’t included in everything? Hopefully your fiancé can stand up to his dad and say, hey dad you fucked up big time. You really thought after the shit you pulled that the family should now have to be thoughtful and kind to the woman you cheated on mom with? If you both wanted more respect you should have thought about that before cheating. We aren’t going to be wanting your mistress around at many events. That is just how it is. These are the consequences of who you are choosing to be with. Take it or leave it. 

Dont invite her. I doubt you’d want her around as a role model to any kids you have some day either. She shouldn’t have any expectations of being lovingly included in your family. She won’t be a grandma to your kids, she isn’t invited to the shower either. Anytime they wanna make a fuss over it? Your fiancé reminds him that these are the consequences of his choices. And after a lifetime of teaching his kids that actions have consequences, Father-In-Law doesn’t get to just opt out of the lesson now because it’s not convenient. 

Post # 21
522 posts
Busy bee

The engagement party and wedding are about you as a couple and I can see why you would have to invite her as she is your future FIL’s fiancé, but… the bridal shower is all about you! You should only invite the people you want there and that are important people in your life that will make the day special and happy for you ❤️ 

Post # 22
6231 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2016

Invite her to the wedding (since she’s now an unavoidable part of FIL’s “social unit” and blah blah blah). Her formerly being the mistress is less problematic than her currently being an asshole, which it sounds like she is. Assholes get to stay home and enjoy the pleasure of their own company. If she’s already tried to make one event about herself, she is likely to do it again.

No invite.

Post # 23
340 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I wouldn’t invite her, but I would reach out to her in person to let her know that it’s not a snub, just an effort to keep the peace and ensure everyone is comfortable. Frankly I bet she’ll appreciate the out. It’s bound to be an uncomfortable afternoon for her. 

Post # 24
1005 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

It is so easy for you to keep the bridal shower on the DL and have the guys completely unaware. Then there’s minimal discussion between your Father-In-Law and his new woman.

dont invite her to the shower. It’s intimate and it’s for your nearest and dearest. 

She’ll have to be invited to the wedding, however, but keep your Mother-In-Law occupied if you can 🙂

Post # 25
1395 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2020

Definitely don’t invite her. Enjoy your day, let your Future Father-In-Law be mad. He did this to himself. 

Post # 26
1215 posts
Bumble bee

I wouldn’t invite her and if anyone has the nerve to ask why…I mean it’s pretty simple. “I don’t want to be associated with someone who has not only no respect for marriage vows but has such a lack of class and moral fiber for the events leading up to, and including, my wedding.”

Clearly marriage is a joke to her and there would be no place for such disrespect in my wedding. She can sit home alone and rethink her skanky decisions and realize that actions have consequences. And no, it doesn’t have to be tolerated for the sake of etiquette. She didn’t seem to follow the basic societal etiquette that dictates that you don’t fuck someone else’s husband.

Post # 28
698 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2007 - City, State

skunktastic :  this is my response as well. 

Post # 29
1585 posts
Bumble bee

Nope. And for shits and giggles, ask your mom how would she feel as the cheated on spouse to see her ex’s mistress at her daughter’s shower. 

Post # 30
1361 posts
Bumble bee

Just because someone is invited to the wedding, does not mean they must be invited to the shower. The shower is intended for the closest friends and family of the bride. 

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