Inviting the once-mistress to the bridal shower?

posted 8 months ago in Family
Post # 31
1477 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2019 - City, State

Don’t feel obligated or guilted into inviting her.  There are some situations in which etiquette is unhelpful and need not apply.

Post # 33
867 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

Hard pass from me.

Post # 34
3457 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

mickeynicki :  while it is an etiquette requirement that all invitees to your shower must be invited to the wedding, the reverse is not true. A bridal shower is an event in honor of the bride (not the couple) and the hostess, not the guest of honor, is the one who does the inviting. Whether you would want to request that she be invited, to keep the peace of what-have-you, is certainly your choice. But her being engaged to your fiance’s father does not, in itself, entitle her to attend your shower.

Post # 35
11963 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

hickoryhills :  What etiquette? Those invited to the shower should be invited to the wedding, not the other way around. A shower is about those who are close to the bride. 

Post # 36
2014 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

jellybellynelly :  This. If you are not close to someone, they don’t need to be invited. 

Post # 37
1330 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2016 - Painswick Church and the Falcon Hotel

I would not invite her! Specially if she’s going to try and make it all about her

Post # 38
1921 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

I wouldn’t. Cheating is one of the worst things you can do in my book. The bridal shower is for you, the bride. Your FFIL’s mistress seems to be a drama queen, and she’s not your (the bride) friend. 

Post # 39
2659 posts
Sugar bee

Hell. No. No fucking way.  I’d keep her away from the wedding as well.  But I’m bitchy like that.

Post # 40
655 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2000

Ditto ⬆️

Post # 41
577 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

When someone steps outside their marriage with infidelity, their feelings become irrelevant. Your mom is wrong, and I wouldn’t give a damn if it is pissed Father-In-Law off or not. He should have thought of these things while screwing around.

Post # 42
4884 posts
Honey bee

I thought I posted already. But, no you do not have to invite her to your bridal shower. In fact I wouldn’t I think it could ruin the shower for you. Like otgers have said, actions have consequences. They should have thought it through before cheating. 

Post # 43
3223 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2021

I really don’t think you need to invite her. I would definitely make Future Mother-In-Law the higher priority.

If you are really concerned, maybe have a direct chat with Future Mother-In-Law about it? Tell her you feel like etiquette says you have to invite the FFILs fiance but that you don’t really want to and that if it would make her even a little bit uncomfortable that you won’t. It’ll show how much you value her and care about her feelings.

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