Inviting the once-mistress to the bridal shower?

posted 2 years ago in Family
Post # 31
Member
1351 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2019 - City, State

Don’t feel obligated or guilted into inviting her.  There are some situations in which etiquette is unhelpful and need not apply.

Post # 32
Member
3180 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

View original reply
chocolateplease :  yes! Perhaps op’s mom will understand then….

Post # 33
Member
918 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

Hard pass from me.

Post # 34
Member
3459 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

View original reply
mickeynicki :  while it is an etiquette requirement that all invitees to your shower must be invited to the wedding, the reverse is not true. A bridal shower is an event in honor of the bride (not the couple) and the hostess, not the guest of honor, is the one who does the inviting. Whether you would want to request that she be invited, to keep the peace of what-have-you, is certainly your choice. But her being engaged to your fiance’s father does not, in itself, entitle her to attend your shower.

Post # 35
Member
13789 posts
Honey Beekeeper

View original reply
hickoryhills :  What etiquette? Those invited to the shower should be invited to the wedding, not the other way around. A shower is about those who are close to the bride. 

Post # 36
Member
1963 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

View original reply
jellybellynelly :  This. If you are not close to someone, they don’t need to be invited. 

Post # 37
Member
1338 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2016 - Painswick Church and the Falcon Hotel

I would not invite her! Specially if she’s going to try and make it all about her

Post # 38
Member
2786 posts
Sugar bee

I wouldn’t. Cheating is one of the worst things you can do in my book. The bridal shower is for you, the bride. Your FFIL’s mistress seems to be a drama queen, and she’s not your (the bride) friend. 

Post # 39
Member
2865 posts
Sugar bee

Hell. No. No fucking way.  I’d keep her away from the wedding as well.  But I’m bitchy like that.

Post # 40
Member
612 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2000

Ditto ⬆️

Post # 41
Member
501 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

When someone steps outside their marriage with infidelity, their feelings become irrelevant. Your mom is wrong, and I wouldn’t give a damn if it is pissed Father-In-Law off or not. He should have thought of these things while screwing around.

Post # 42
Member
5688 posts
Bee Keeper

I thought I posted already. But, no you do not have to invite her to your bridal shower. In fact I wouldn’t I think it could ruin the shower for you. Like otgers have said, actions have consequences. They should have thought it through before cheating. 

Post # 43
Member
2985 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2021

I really don’t think you need to invite her. I would definitely make Future Mother-In-Law the higher priority.

If you are really concerned, maybe have a direct chat with Future Mother-In-Law about it? Tell her you feel like etiquette says you have to invite the FFILs fiance but that you don’t really want to and that if it would make her even a little bit uncomfortable that you won’t. It’ll show how much you value her and care about her feelings.

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