Post # 1
Im sure this happens all the time, but has anyone ever invited themself to your wedding? Or have you ever invited yourself to someone else’s wedding?
I teach fitness classes, and one of my participants who I talk to quite frequently before and after class, (I wouldn’t say she’s my friend) noticed my engagement ring. She asked me about it, got really excited gave me a hug and said congratulations. Then asked me when and where it was. I told her. She then said, “oh, I’m totally free on November 9th! I’ll be there!” Ummm…..what? Did you just invite yourself to my wedding? I was honestly too shocked to say anything….so it was left at that. I kind of thought she was joking. But no, sure enough every class she says things like “I can’t wait until your wedding! It’s going to be so much fun! I’ve never been to a wedding before! I need to pick out what I’m going to wear!”
She’s a really nice girl and she is so excited….I now have no idea how I am supposed to tell her she’s not invited!
Post # 3
@ChelseaBells: I guess this girl deserves a little grace as she has never been to a wedding so she doesn’t know the ettiquet that goes with it.
The best thing to so is to let her down gently..like ” oh to be honest the guest list isn’t finalized. We are a bit tight on budget so my Fiance and I are trying to figure out if we can even invite a lot of people outside of our family circle. Our family is big enough as it is.” …and hope she gets the message.
Post # 4
@ChelseaBells: Holy Moly! I had a few people like that. I’m just not talking to them about it. I had a co-worker say, “So my son was wondering if you’ll care if he has two pieces of cake.” Wait…what? She knows where it’s at, etc, but I had not intention of inviting her or her son? I just stopped talking to her about my wedding and I think she gets the hint. She stopped saying, “Man I need to loose weight for your wedding.” Don’t tell this girl what time it starts!
Post # 5
@ChelseaBells: You don’t have to tell her anything, and honestly…it is the MOST awkward situation to be around a friendly acquaintance who’s engaged and getting married…because you want to talk to them about it, be happy for them and share that excitement…so you ask the usual questions:
1. Have you set a date?
2. Have you found your dress?
3. Where are you honeymooning?
…..and then there’s this weird awkward silence….what to say now?
“Cool.” and just walk away?…THEN you might hurt the poor girl acting like you could care less after all of that….and we know she’s excited, so it has to be finished on the right note.
A natural thing to say would be, “Can’t wait to see it!” Without really thinking or expecting anything, your just trying to end the conversation on a positive and happy note, but now we’re inviting ourselves…which no one ever really wants….so the only safe way to end the snare filled conversation is this:
“Congratulations, I can’t wait to see the pictures.”
It’s the only way to end it positively and without obligating anyone to anything….but it has taken me years to perfect this….after much trial and error.
Post # 6
Um…Wow. I agree with malibukayla-tell her the guestlist isn’t finalized and leave it at that. If she doesn’t get the hint, tell her you can’t wait to show her the pictures. And if she still doesn’t get the hint, you should probably let her down gently-and before the time when people start expecting their invitations in the mail. Don’t tell her about the day or venue or guestlist-answer questions about your dress and where your honeymoon will be.
And like Nona99 said, it is awkward to be around a friendly acquaintance who is planning a wedding. Perhaps she mentioned it spur of the moment and is now embarassed so she’s trying to save face or not hurt you by acting as though she truly wants to attend.
Post # 7
If you are having the ceremony in a church or in a public place, you reply “How nice of you! It is a public service, so anyone may come to witness it,” and leave it there: it is very nice of her to take such an interest in you, and the service is open to the public. If it is in a home or a rented venue, you reply “How nice of you! But, alas, it is going to be a private ceremony,” and leave it at that.
Another good ending-phrase if you find yourself caught on the not-a-guest side of a spontaneous conversation with a bride in full planning mode is “well, I hope you may be very happy.”
Post # 8
I’ve had a friend invite herself to my wedding already. She programed our date into her phone in front of me. I mean she was already on the preliminary guest list, but she doesn’t know that!
Post # 9
@ChelseaBells: wow. Poor thing she doesn’t no any better. I hope shes young. regardless I certainly would kindly let her know she’s not invited. However it may be tricky as you’ve let it go on this long.
I certainly had ppl invite themselves to my (first) wedding (that never happened). Usually they were kidding, I think.
Post # 10
I had 3 people invite themselves to my wedding, I kept saying we have too much family and not enough seats for them, telling them that we aren’t even inviting some of our friends, which was mostly true.
Post # 11
@ChelseaBells: could you invite her to the dance part only?
Post # 12
I had my ex boyfriends wife try to invite herself to my wedding. I was with my ex for 2 years from 16-18. He was emotionally abusive, started using hard drugs and every time I tried to leave he would say he would commit suicide… He was also living with my parents and me. It was just a bad situation all around.
I was friends with the wife in high school, but never to close. She is a great person and deserved way better. At her cousins wedding she kept going up to me and over and over say how excited she was for my wedding and that she was going. Then every time I ran into her she would mention it.
I just thought it was very bold… I would never do something like that… ever! If she showed up, it wouldn’t be the end of the world, but I would not want him there. How could I possible invite her but say that I didn’t want her husband there… So I deleted her from FB and I think she got the point….Akward!
That was the oddest one, but there was many more!
Post # 13
@luvmesumhim: Yeah she is very young, only 19. I just feel so awful because its all she talks about!
I have dropped subtle hints like…oh well, I’m not really sure how many guests we’re able to invite yet….or “yeah, we’re stil figuring the guest list out” and she just doesn’t get it!! She thinks its set in stone and I have NO clue how to let the poor girl down….
Post # 14
@W292737: I could..but I mean, I don’t really even know her! She is honestly just an acquaintance…And I am not really down for the whole “you can come to the dance part”. IMO you are either invited to my wedding, or you’re not.
Post # 15
@ChelseaBells: I’d just tell her that it turns out the venue cant seat as many people as you thought and you don’t have room for anyone expect family and close friends (which is probably true-ish)
Post # 16
@ChelseaBells: is really going to be the end of the world if you invite her? I would just invite her if I was having friends over as well (not just family). I’d also just let her bring a +1. Shes already really excited and thinks she’s invited. I’d just let her save face and give her an invite – it was wrong of her to invite herself but she’s not getting the point. Chances are if you don’t invite her she’ll just feel like you were the rude one, etc.