Inviting yourself to someone's wedding??

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Hostess
2635 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@ChelseaBells:  I guess this girl deserves a little grace as she has never been to a wedding so she doesn’t know the ettiquet that goes with it. 

 

The best thing to so is to let her down gently..like ” oh to be honest the guest list isn’t finalized. We are a bit tight on budget so my Fiance and I are trying to figure out if we can even invite a lot of people outside of our family circle. Our family is big enough as it is.” …and hope she gets the message. 

Post # 4
Member
293 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@ChelseaBells:  Holy Moly! I had a few people like that. I’m just not talking to them about it. I had a co-worker say, “So my son was wondering if you’ll care if he has two pieces of cake.” Wait…what? She knows where it’s at, etc, but I had not intention of inviting her or her son? I just stopped talking to her about my wedding and I think she gets the hint. She stopped saying, “Man I need to loose weight for your wedding.” Don’t tell this girl what time it starts!

Post # 5
Member
5958 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

@ChelseaBells:  You don’t have to tell her anything, and honestly…it is the MOST awkward situation to be around a friendly acquaintance who’s engaged and getting married…because you want to talk to them about it, be happy for them and share that excitement…so you ask the usual questions:

1. Have you set a date?

2.  Have you found your dress?

3.  Where are you honeymooning?

…..and then there’s this weird awkward silence….what to say now?

“Cool.”  and just walk away?…THEN you might hurt the poor girl acting like you could care less after all of that….and we know she’s excited, so it has to be finished on the right note.

A natural thing to say would be, “Can’t wait to see it!”  Without really thinking or expecting anything, your just trying to end the conversation on a positive and happy note, but now we’re inviting ourselves…which no one ever really wants….so the only safe way to end the snare filled conversation is this:

“Congratulations, I can’t wait to see the pictures.”

It’s the only way to end it positively and without obligating anyone to anything….but it has taken me years to perfect this….after much trial and error.

 

Post # 6
Member
68 posts
Worker bee

Um…Wow.  I agree with malibukayla-tell her the guestlist isn’t finalized and leave it at that.  If she doesn’t get the hint, tell her you can’t wait to show her the pictures.  And if she still doesn’t get the hint, you should probably let her down gently-and before the time when people start expecting their invitations in the mail.  Don’t tell her about the day or venue or guestlist-answer questions about your dress and where your honeymoon will be.

 

And like Nona99 said, it is awkward to be around a friendly acquaintance who is planning a wedding.  Perhaps she mentioned it spur of the moment and is now embarassed so she’s trying to save face or not hurt you by acting as though she truly wants to attend.

Post # 7
Member
1699 posts
Bumble bee

If you are having the ceremony in a church or in a public place, you reply “How nice of you! It is a public service, so anyone may come to witness it,” and leave it there: it is very nice of her to take such an interest in you, and the service is open to the public. If it is in a home or a rented venue, you reply “How nice of you! But, alas, it is going to be a private ceremony,” and leave it at that.

Another good ending-phrase if you find yourself caught on the not-a-guest side of a spontaneous conversation with a bride in full planning mode is “well, I hope you may be very happy.”

 

Post # 8
Member
3553 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

I’ve had a friend invite herself to my wedding already. She programed our date into her phone in front of me. I mean she was already on the preliminary guest list, but she doesn’t know that!

Post # 9
Member
1193 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

@ChelseaBells:  wow. Poor thing she doesn’t no any better. I hope shes young. regardless I certainly would kindly let her know she’s not invited. However it may be tricky as you’ve let it go on this long.

I certainly had ppl invite themselves to my (first) wedding (that never happened). Usually they were kidding, I think. 

Post # 10
Member
478 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@KingsDaughter:  +1

I had 3 people invite themselves to my wedding, I kept saying we have too much family and not enough seats for them, telling them that we aren’t even inviting some of our friends, which was mostly true.

Post # 11
Member
1022 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@ChelseaBells:  could you invite her to the dance part only?

Post # 12
Member
88 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I had my ex boyfriends wife try to invite herself to my wedding. I was with my ex for 2 years from 16-18. He was emotionally abusive, started using hard drugs and every time I tried to leave he would say he would commit suicide… He was also living with my parents and me. It was just a bad situation all around.

I was friends with the wife in high school, but never to close. She is a great person and deserved way better. At her cousins wedding she kept going up to me and over and over say how excited she was for my wedding and that she was going. Then every time I ran into her she would mention it.

I just thought it was very bold… I would never do something like that… ever! If she showed up, it wouldn’t be the end of the world, but I would not want him there. How could I possible invite her but say that I didn’t want her husband there… So I deleted her from FB and I think she got the point….Akward!

 

That was the oddest one, but there was many more!

Post # 15
Member
1193 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

@ChelseaBells:  I’d just tell her that it turns out the venue cant seat as many people as you thought and you don’t have room for anyone expect family and close friends (which is probably true-ish)

Post # 16
Member
38 posts
Newbee

@ChelseaBells:  is really going to be the end of the world if you invite her? I would just invite her if I was having friends over as well (not just family). I’d also just let her bring a +1. Shes already really excited and thinks she’s invited. I’d just let her save face and give her an invite – it was wrong of her to invite herself but she’s not getting the point. Chances are if you don’t invite her she’ll just feel like you were the rude one, etc. 

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