(Closed) Inviting yourself to someone's wedding??

posted 9 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 17
541 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@ChelseaBells:  Can you drop a stronger hint that you may have to do a family only wedding?


Then at least its more obvious that she may not be invited…

Post # 18
2883 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

aww, poor baby doesn’t know any better. I haven’t had anyone invite themselves so much as flat out request an invite. One of my acquaintance/colleagues…I DO like her, but we’re not close enough that I would’ve invited her had she not said anything.

ETA: that’s a complete lie, I did have a whole GROUP of folks invite themselves all at once. I went to a family dinner and mentioned to a great-aunt that I’m getting married (I didn’t intend to invite her, but I thought it would be bad form to simply not inform her. I struggle a lot with this concept). She replied “oh that’s awesome. And a destination wedding too?! That’s what all the young people are doing these days. Ok, I’ll be there.” And then there was a steady chorus of “oh me too! me! too! oh me too!” from all my 2nd and 3rd cousins who were in the room. The good thing is, I’m pretty sure none of them are actually coming, but it scared me straight. Since then, I haven’t mentioned ONE thing about my wedding to anybody who’s not invited.

I must say, I feel bad though because I do have a ton of relatives who I can’t invite (who won’t mind not being invited because they wouldn’t come anyway) but I think it would reflect very poorly on me if they find out that I’m married after the fact. What to do, what to do???

Post # 19
67 posts
Worker bee

@aspasia475:  “If you are having the ceremony in a church or in a public place, you reply “How nice of you! It is a public service, so anyone may come to witness it,” and leave it there”

Thank you for this!  This will be most helpful to me, as my Fiance is a coach for a co-ed highschool sports team, and several of the young ladies on the team are dying to be invited to our wedding, and beg him every week, lol.  Though they are lovely, we don’t feel it would be appropriate to invite them to the ceremony and reception, but since the ceremony is a public mass as you stated, this may work out for everyone in the end.

Post # 20
3423 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

wait. You’ve let this go on for 2 months?!  At this point I kinda feel like you owe her an invite if she’s been talking about it for 2 months and you haven’t gotten around to telling her she’s not invited.

What you should have said when she first invited herself:

“We’re planning a small wedding just with close family and friends so unfortunately I’m unable to extend invited to my students.”

Now it’s just super awkward.

Post # 21
2973 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@ChelseaBells:  I have a running partner that invited herself to my wedding really early into the planning. We just signed with the venue and we were talking over email. She asked me how the planning was going so I told her about the venue and date. She said “well you probably need my address. I really want to come. So it’s…” I politely said “oh! okay…” 


It really bugged me when I was finalizing the list. I couldn’t understand why she was still on the list… it didn’t feel right and didn’t fit to invite her to something so intimate. So I recently told her “Oh! I’m so sorry. We had to cut the list and keep it to our closest family and friends. I’m so sorry…but I’ll tell you all of the juicy details when we’re back on track with our weekly run in the fall!”

Post # 23
299 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

Yup, my Fiance and I made a new group of friends at a church we started going to a couple months ago… the whole group upon finding out we were engaged said they couldn’t wait for the wedding… um… our guest was made months before that… but I just added them. They are future friends and it’ll be nice to have them there. If they hadn’t mentioned it though I wouldn’t have added them until after I’d gotten some declined RSVPs…

Post # 24
1278 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@ChelseaBells:  That’s very nice of you. I’m glad to see this have a nice ending for everyone otherwise class may be a little awkward in the future.

Post # 25
272 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

I agree she probably doesn’t know any better since she’s never been to one. I would just say “oh that’s so sweet, but we’re just inviting family to keep it small” Who can argue with that. 

Post # 26
2426 posts
Buzzing bee

We had a family only wedding (plus 10 of DH’s parents neighbors who were verbally invited and added by MIL). I let all my friends know that it was family only. DH did not so he got a lot of, “Don’t forget to invite us!” remarks. He just ignored them or left it alone which made them think that we were having a big fancy affair with over 100 guest and that we didn’t bother to invite them! We ended up with 43 guest.

DH has a friend from college who is getting married in October. They are no longer close but the friend is close to all his other local (to us) friends so all our local friends are invited (we all live around 3 hours away from the couple getting married). One of our mutual friends is trying to get us an invitation because he asked DH, “Do you want me to try to get you invited?” and DH said, “Sure!” I just about died. No, we are not going to try to get ourselves invited to someone else’s wedding! He is no longer a close friend of yours!!! I had to explain to DH that he should not have said yes. If they wanted to invite us, they should have. He doesn’t understand the big deal when we had a big deal about the guest list at our wedding. MEN!

On top of that, I think we’ll be snubbed by a few of his friends because he didn’t bother to tell them that it was family only so they probably thought that they were snubbed. No well. I’ve been to too many weddings as it is.

Post # 26
1 posts
  • Wedding: October 2016

Just after we announced our engagement on FB two months ago a long term friend of my mother’s made a comment, “Where’s my invitation??” I ignored it, hoping she’d get the hint. Then she sent me a text just now asking where the venue was going to be and then said, “I’m coming then! Get me the dates soon.” Dude. You don’t know me. You’re my mom’s friend. I know my parents have no idea you’re planning on coming and you’re probably planning on riding with them (which will be impossible). It’s just… raaaaaar so awkward. And she’s obviously not “too young to know better.” Unbelievable.

Post # 27
352 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2016 - Beach

Yes. Sadly, there are people who will just show up uninvited. It happened at my wedding. Thankfully, we had PLENTY of food so it wasn’t a big deal to me but it is EXTREMELY rude and people don’t seem to grasp the concept that 1 or 2 extra people can make a difference if you have a STRICT budget.

Post # 28
721 posts
Busy bee

I’m sorry she did this- May just have to be blunt and tell her that the guest list is full with just family? If you don’t make it clear, I can imagine she may show up even without a invite saying things like ‘wow I can’t believe I had to track down all the information, and the bride forgot to send me my invite!’

If she ends up being that insistant about still wanting to attend when the wedding gets close, maybe she can fill a seat if you have extra? lol Sorry, I wish I had a easy answer for this….some people are enough to drive you nuts.

Post # 29
318 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2018- Stan Hywet Gardens

You don’t have to tell her she’s not invited, just don’t send an invitation. I would also suggest not talking about your wedding in front of people who you don’t plan on inviting.

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