(Closed) Inviting yourself to the wedding?

posted 9 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
3072 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@AcheneMalefic:  It’s your wedding.  Invite only the people you want to be there!  That is ridiculous for 60 extra people to assume they are invited.

Post # 4
10449 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2014

Don’t invite them. Period. They can’t just invite themselves, I just don’t get people sometimes – such bizarre behavior.

Post # 5
8434 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

If they invite themselves, aren’t they just wedding crashers?

Post # 6
126 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2016 - Bridgewater Place

Do not send them a courtesy invite. I cringe everytime someone says they sent out invitations to more people than the venue can hold. Unless you are prepared for them to show up, do NOT invite them.

As far as how to keep them out – I don’t know. When they don’t have a seat at the reception I’m sure that it would become obvious but the ceremony is a different story. Honesty is probably the best policy although awkward. If you know 100% that these people are planning on coming and don’t get the hint that they didn’t get an invite, you can just tell them that you unfortunately weren’t able to invite everyone that you would have liked to and there will not be a seat for them – or something, I’m sure there’s a better way to say that!

Post # 7
1636 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@AcheneMalefic:  I would find a way to contact them and tell them your guest list has been decided and you are sorry but for budget reasons your list has been decided. Have your mother do it or have a day of coordinator do it.

Furthermore, do not send them an invitation. That should send the message that they are not invited. If they try to crash, it is on them.

Post # 8
3767 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Brookfield Zoo

@AcheneMalefic:  What the.. that’s totally rude!!  Don’t send them an invitation, and make sure that your mother and your FH’s mother realize that they aren’t and will not be invited.  If your parents knew that your guest list was already decided, they should NOT have kept talking to these distant relatives about wedding plans.  If anything, they should let your relatives know that they made a mistake and your wedding is going to be an intimate one, or the venue has a maximum capacity, etc. etc. so it is immediate family or whatever.  I mean, it doesn’t even have to be, just as long as your mom can “save face” but still let them know they’re not invited.

Post # 9
2779 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Don’t invite people you don’t want there, extending a ‘courtesy’ invite means you are inviting them and they are free to choose whether they attend or not.FI’s 94 year old grandma is getting an invite to ur wedding, we know she can’t come as she lives in a retirement home across the country from us. That being said, if she somehow ends up surprising us with coming, we would be thrilled. We aren’t sending her an invite with the hope she declines, or the hope she sends a gift, we’re sending an invite because we would genuinely love for her to be able to be there and don’t want to make assumptions that she wouldn’t be able to attend and hurt her feelings making her think we wouldn’t want her there.


Post # 10
3567 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

No one can invite themselves to your wedding. How rude! Don’t even acknowledge them. Send out the invites you want and don’t share any information. If they don’t get the clue then have your Parents spread the word that you are having a smaller intimate wedding. Let them know not only will they not be accommodated but if they show up uninvited they will be escorted out/ not permitted to enter.

THe nerve of some people. The great part is since these are people you never see you don’t have to give a damn about them or the fallout.

Post # 11
8031 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2013

@AcheneMalefic:  Can you get an older relative to step in and put an end to this (tactfully)?

There must be one person who got wind of your wedding and told others about it. Get your older relative (mom, dad, etc.) to tell this person that no, they’re not invited and neither are the other 60 people.

This is ridiculous. They have no right to do this.

Do NOT invite them unless you’re prepared for them to show up.

If they still decide to show up, have someone escort them out/not let them in.

Post # 12
2742 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2014 - Disney

View original reply
@drummerbride:  +1 on what you said. We chose to go tiny destination to cut people we didnt want to pay for. We have 5 out of our 18 we expect wont come. However we really hope they do show! If we get a 100% decline we do have a handful of friends who know how tiny our wedding is and have said that if we have space they’d be over joyed. We know a and b lists are not nice but we also know our priorities and we’ll invite after definite declines those who we would have liked but didnt have space for that will come.

Post # 14
11259 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2012

if your wedding date on your profile is correct then your invites should already be out.   i can’t believe that they would assume that they are invited without receiving an invite. 

make sure that your parents are well aware of the guest list and have them combat any rumours of additional guests.

Post # 15
1826 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

It doesn’t matter what your reason is…if you don’t want them there then don’t invite them…and definitely do NOT send a courtesy invite because that is an invitation and then you can’t ask them to leave.

Post # 16
9947 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

First off… I am sorry that you find yourself in the MOST STRESSFUL of Wedding Planning situations.  This truly has you in a spot that is as they see “between a rock and a hard spot”

Technically, ONLY an Official Wedding Invite is the way that one gets invited to a Wedding… so no one can just “Invite Themselves” to a Wedding

BUT in reality, sadly many Brides come to Wedding Bee with horror stories like yours where people they know (or worse don’t know) have in some manner or other, taken it upon themselves to announce they PLAN to attend the Wedding.

Some are the blantent folks who scribble extra names onto the RSVP cards… while others are the “Assuming Type”… who upon hearing of the Wedding automatically think that they’ll be attending

Such is the case with your Extended Family…

For whatever reason, they are under the assumption that because they “are related” that they’ll automatically be on the Guest List

Sadly, someone has to set the record straight !!

As these family members have had contact with your Mom… she is the one that needs to take the reins in hand, and tell these folks

SORRY, BUT YOU ARE SADLY MISTAKEN… the Wedding is a small intimate affair, and unfortunately you guys are not on the Final Guest List.


NO IFS ANDS OR BUTS… They have to be told.

Hopefully, they’ll be properly embarassed at their forwardness (very rude of them) and no more will be said on the matter (for your Mother’s sake)

IF God forbid they do show up… then YES, someone is going to have to tell them “there is no seat at the Reception for you / you all”

Said, perferably by a Male who is acting as either the Host (Your Dad) or someone as the spokesperson for the family

Gosh, I hope this goes well for you & your Mom (( HUGS ))

Hope this helps,

NOTE – Just so you know… because this could come up.  Churches technically are “open to all”… so your Extended Family could very well show up for the Ceremony (in which case they should be welcomed, and not embarassed for attending that portion).  It would be AFTER that they should be taken aside, and again told that you all are sorry, but there is no room at the Reception for them.


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