(Closed) Involved in ring design process – weird?

posted 9 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
995 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

While I have no problem with it, I can see why others may find it strange. Personally, I wanted to be surprised but I did give him a little guidance. Like you, I didn’t want to end up with something totally not my style. Who cares what she thinks anyway.

Post # 4
6245 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 1900

I think picking out your e-ring is something special between the two of you.  Then again, I may be biased since that’s what I did with my bf.  Ditto with the PP, who cares what she thinks anyways!  🙂

Post # 5
1056 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Ok, I don’t see anything wrong with it b/c you will get what you want. This is us.  We went ring shopping and went to a couple stores, of course I wanted to look more.  But we didn’t the second store we went to I fell in love with this one ring.  I’ve always wanted a Pink Sapphire in a heart shape as my main stone.  I don’t want a ring like everyone else.  I am still getting diamonds (my birthstone) though.  But when it was time for deciding, I didn’t want to know anything, however the boy doesn’t know how to keep his mouth shut so I figured out that I’m getting the ring I want from the one store (kinda a buzz kill on the surprise), but don’t know some details.  I don’t know the size of the stone as we sat there talking about a couple different sizes.

However, on mine I am the same way, I don’t want to know details about the ring.  I don’t want to know the price or anything until he surprises me with it, and then I still don’t want to know the price.  But he’s been teasing me lately and it’s driving me nuts that I could be passing the ring on a daily basis, and don’t even realize it. 

Tell ur coworker that times have changed and it’s not her wedding or e-ring and to get over it!  More than likely she’ll be drooling over it when you get it and show it off anyways.

I’m still waiting on mine!

Post # 6
442 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

Designing your own ring is fine with me. If your SO wanted your opinion on the matter, that just means they want to get it right. Just because you know what your ring looks like, doesn’t mean that you’re going to be more or less surprised when you finally do receive it, even if you didn’t help design it. The ring sounds lovely, I for one can’t wait to see pics, when the proposal does happen.

Post # 7
91 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@Dollygold: I’m a true romantic so we tried to leave it up to him but I’m also a take-charge type and he was feeling lost so we ended up looking together, that’s when he developed an opinion so it was difficult but i think we’ve learned a lot about each other in the process.

I think it depends on each relationship and what works for them. It sounds like that particular co-worker is dealing with some jealousy or is unhappy with what she has in her life so she’s picking at others. I think it’s awesome that you get to have a say in things and that the two of you have this time together making something perfect, it says a lot of the work both of you will put into this union for years to come. I think that ring shopping/choosing is a different experience than getting engaged and that is something that even I’ve had some revelations about recently. The co-worker might just think they’re one in the same and you have no place “planning your engagement’. 

I actually have a copy of Vogue’s Book of Etiquette from the early 1900s and even that says that a couple decides on a ring together, so she can’t claim she’s just a traditionalist.

Regardless of what anyone thinks: HOW EXCITING for you!It sounds like the ring you come up with will be stunning!

Post # 8
2345 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 2012

I wouldn’t worry too much about her comments. It seems like a lot of bees are/were in the same position as you.

Check out this poll

Post # 9
1331 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2016

If it’s weird to her or to anyone else, who cares?  It’s perfect for you & your SO, and that’s all that matters!  Congrats, your ring sounds absolutely beautiful!

Post # 10
569 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

There’s nothing weird about it at all (and your co-worker sounds like a nasty shrew). My SO and I did the same thing. I picked the metal, the design (which matches an heirloom wedding band), and the center diamond. I even know exactly how much it cost. The only thing I didn’t want to be involved in was the final viewing/pick up because I wanted to be surprised when he actually gives it to me. I still don’t know if he has the ring or if it’s at the jeweler’s.

My SO enjoyed this process so much. The idea of spending thousands of dollars on a ring I might or might not like, but have to wear EVERYDAY was way too much pressure for him. Now he can focus on planning his proposal and I can relax (a little) because I know that I’m going to love my ring.

Post # 11
362 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I was involved in the planning of my ring and it worked out great because I was able to get what I really wanted which was really unique.

I don’t think it’s weird to be a part of the process but I know a lot of my friends were like “then it won’t be a surprise.”  Maybe that’s part of why it’s “weird” to some people?

Post # 12
1029 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

We did this! It worked out great because there are things my fi would NEVER have thought of while shopping (example: turns out I hate a 4-prong setting because it made my round center stone look square. But a 6-prong setting left me with a gap between my e-ring and future wedding band that even I wouldn’t have predicted had I not physically put it on my own hand. So we designed the ring ourselves partially because I hate the gap. How would Fiance EVER have known that?? Smile)

Anyway, as others have said, who cares – my Fiance is very cautious and thinks it’s insane when men pick out rings, the most expensive thing most women will ever own, without her input. So it’s totally up to you guys how you want to proceed.


Post # 14
796 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

I think it’s an excellent idea!  My bf and I were talking about ring styles and he said something like, “I think when it’s time I’ll have to go pick it out by myself, on my own.  Without you.” and now I’m terrified that he’ll get me something I’m not in love with.  At least I got to show him some styles I like.  If I am going to wear it for the rest of my life, I want to love everything about it and being involved is the only way to be certain about it.

Post # 15
4354 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I think it’s perfectly fine, I am fully involved in the process of picking my ring. My SO had suggested a plain solitaire e-ring because that’s what his brother bought for his wife, as well as some of his friends so the thought that was the “it” ring for all women. I told him I didn’t really like them and that they look bad on my hand and he was lost lol. I guess he never really thought he’d have to look at styles beyond that. So hence why I am helping him pick something I truly love (which is his goal in the end). I am going to narrow it to a few rings and let him take it from there but I’m involved and I think unless your engagement was going to be a complete surprise, it’s pretty normal to at discuss the ring choice at the very least.

Post # 16
5656 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2012

My boyfriend and I chose our engagement ring together, and I am so glad we did! I don’t think it’s odd at all to be involved in the process, considering you are the one who’s going to be wearing it 🙂

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