(Closed) Involvement in BM's lives.

posted 5 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
2958 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Wynn Las Vegas

I think you are overthinking this…

These girls are your best friends, you can have the same relationship with them as you had before. Don’t feel like you have to be everywhere, all at once now. They wil understand your lack of funds.

Post # 4
3726 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@LilySarah:  My advice is to FORGET you are getting married and just act like the friend you’ve always been to them. Hey, we all have budgets, scheduling conflicts, etc. It’s nothing personal, it’s just a side effect of having a busy life. Be as kind and as considerate to them as you can be and if they are reasonable people, they will understand.


Post # 5
11233 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

@whoa_its_ash:  This.

I tried to do the same thing with my BMs, who are all busy ladies with their own lives/jobs/SOs/kids/etc. Trust me, they understand that I couldn’t be everywhere all the time during the wedding planning. Keep in contact with them, keep up on their lives, and don’t only talk about the wedding–that’s all.

Also, seriously? Your Maid/Matron of Honor won’t accept “I can’t afford it” as an excuse to go to a $$$$ restaurant? That’s ridiculous.

Post # 6
1332 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@LilySarah:  I COMPLETELY UNDERSTAND where you are coming from 🙂  I STILL struggle with this all the time.  I have been blessed with many friends, and have been even more blessed to be part of many of their weddings, which included showers and bachelorette parties.  I traveled, spent time and money, etc, but had no problem doing it.  Then, those marriages started creating families, so then came baby showers, baptisms, first birthdays, you name it.  Again, I DID IT ALL!  No regrets, no question.

I had vowed to myself that I needed to stop.  Not stop being ‘there’ for them, but I had to stop doing it all.  And now, I struggle with guilt.  Guilt that I am not attending second birthday parties, or what have you.

One of my great friends is having a bday party for her son, 4 hours away, on a Sunday.  The other night, while talking to her, I apologized that I could not attend, bc I have opted to run a race that morning in my town.  A very important race TO ME.  For the first time ever, I made myself a priority, and not someone else.  The guilt is eating me alive, but much like their priorities changed in time, mine are as well I suppose.  Im now saving for a wedding, and planning parties for our wedding, and just cannot justify driving 8 hours round trip on a Sunday. 

I think, or hope that my friends understand my position as well!!  By NOT being there at every event, I am not making any other statement, other than I just cannot attend.  In friendships, great friendships, it is not about keeping score.  It is not about the fact that I attended so many other events vs not attending one or two events.  I think we all agree on that. I just need to stop feeling guilty for making decisions for me 🙁  I wish you the same!!

Post # 7
646 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

@LilRhodyGem:  @whoa_its_ash:  

+1! I don’t think you need to worry about being the “best bride friend.” Just be… a friend! =) If you already made plans, that’s fine and valid. If you can’t afford her restaurant choice, that’s also fine and valid.

Post # 9
8669 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

@whoa_its_ash:  This

And who says you have to do things that cost money. Meet up and go for a walk, visit a free gallery/museum, go to a bar to see a badn but don’t drink, have a girls night in and get everyone to bring their favourite snack and watch a movie etc.

Post # 10
720 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

How does someone “not accept” your regretful RSVP? Is she going to show up at your house and drag you out by your hair? You’ve (politely, I hope) said you will not be there, and you’ve offered to make it up to her. That should be enough. If it isn’t, the problem is with her, not with you.

As an aside, I absolutely DO NOT understand fully-grown adults who still expect the world to stop for their birthdays. You’re not 6 anymore. Yeesh. Expecting friends to shell out for a fancy dinner for your birthday is OTT to me.

OP, do your best to stay in touch with your BMs (and other pre-wedding friends too) but don’t drive yourself crazy. Part of the effort should come from them as well. Expectations of people’s time is bad enough; expectations of their money is worse. People need to understand that just as their lives are changing, yours is too. If they are true friends, they’ll understand.

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