Post # 1
So, let me start this with a little backstory… growing up, I was inseperable from my grandmother. Affectionately dubbed "Meemaw", she was my favorite person in the world. She passed away when I was in high school, which was one of the single most devastating experiences of my life.
Several years later, my grandfather met and married a lovely lady, D. D has since became a wonderful part of the family. She attends holidays, sends birthday cards, and has generally been accepted as a full-fledged member of the family.
My mother has come to me recently and suggested that I involve D in the wedding-planning process in some way. I believe – but do not KNOW – that my grandfather said something to my mother. I think D was feeling a little left out. Granted, my wedding is nearly a year and a half away. We aren’t really DOING anything right now that would require assistance. I explained this to my mother (Bees, many of you know how THAT goes) and even asked for her suggestions as to how to involve D. I don’t want her to feel left out or -worse- overshadowed by the memory of Meemaw. I already have several things in mind to honor her memory, namely the somewhat large, permanently inked memorial tattoo that will be fully visible between my shoulder blades. We’re also thinking we might put a listing in our program and have a photo charm in my bouquet.
I guess my problem is thus two-fold… how do I involve D in the process so she feels loved and appreciated, and not like a "secondary" family member? Also, do you think so publicly remembering my grandmother would be hurtful to D? I insist upon having her "there" with me on my Big Day, but I don’t want to go so far with it that I hurt D’s feelings….
Bees, some advice? I was hoping I wouldn’t have to deal with this issues until closer to the wedding, but it’s come up already…
Post # 3
First of all, you are very lucky to have D in your life. It sounds like she is a wonderful person who means a lot to your grandfather and your entire family. I don’t think there is any reason why you cannpt involve her and also honor the memory of your grandmother. WHile my situation is different, I also had to figure out some similar issues. My parents divorced several years ago and are both now in relationships with wonderful people. They, and their families, have become a part of my life and like you, I wanted them to be a part of it as well. I worried that my mother would be slighted if I asked my father’s wife to help me with things and vice versa. Each family is different, but I spoke with both of my parents and expressed my concerns and they both understand and assured me that there are no hard feeling either way. My father knows that my mother’s boyfriend could never take his place, and so does my mother. That being said, for starters, I would talk to her about your plans. keep her up to date on your decisions and seek her advice about questions you may be unsure of. Show her swatches, pics of centerpieces, etc. Make her feel involved. AS the weddding gets closer, you will need assistance with projects, ask if she would like to help. I’m sure that just acknowledging her as someone who’s advice you cherish and that you want to share with, will mean the world to her.
Post # 4
I think it would be fine to honor your Meemaw. She meant alot to you and it’s your wedding day. You want her to be a part of that. To involve D more is probably not too difficult. Are there talents she has? Is she artistic andwould like to share ideas for invitations? Does she sew and want to make a ringbearer pillow? Could you take her as part of your posse to look at wedding gowns? How about taking her to the food tasting? Who wouldn’t love that?
Since right now is a bit of a down time, maybe you can keep her busy by giving her a few of your bidal magazine issues, and asking her to look through them for ideas on… (fill in the blank.) Then the next time you see her, she can share them with you.
Post # 5
I don’t think remembering your Meemaw in the program or in any other way would be hurtful to D. It’s not like she’s the other woman or replaced your Meemaw. Sounds like she has a great relationship with everyone in the family, so I doubt she’ll feel bad when you express love for your Meemaw
And I think you should involve her as much as you would have Meemaw- which is probably stuff like bringing her with you when you shop for a dress and/or have a fiiting, call her up and tell her about the planning, ask her advice on stuff (ie what to register for), etc.
Or since your mom seems to want her involved, ask your mom how. I mean, it’s not like you want to put D to work doing hard labor and assign her to make 150 favors or something!
Maybe your mom should be the one involving D- like they could go dress shopping together as MOB and step-GMOB, D can maybe help planning your shower when the time comes?
Post # 6
I think D would understand and appreciate you putting something about your MeeMaw in your program. You could do something as simple as, "We would like to give a special prayer to those who could not be here" and have a photo of her.
You could also have her framed photo at the reception, on a table, or something.
Why don’t you invite D along when you and your mother go dress shopping? You could also call her and let her know that although you aren’t doing a lot of stuff now, because the wedding isn’t for another year and a half, you’d love her to come shopping with you when you do go.
I bet she’d love to be involved but is probably embaressed to ask because she’s essentially your ‘step-grandma’ and I’m sure she doesn’t want you to think she’s trying to replace D.
You could also ask to borrow a piece of her jewelry or have a piece of her dress sewn into the hem of yours (do that with something from your MeeMaw as well).
I bet she would appreciate the gesture.
Post # 7
Ladies, awesome suggestions. Thanks for the support and the advice!
Post # 8
I think it is natural for you to do something honoring your grandma and that it is probrably even expected of you! It sounds like you are blessed in this department, so go for it. As for including D — this will most likely happen naturally as you get closer to your wedding date, so don’t fret about it!