(Closed) Involving Our Daughter

posted 8 years ago in Ceremony
Post # 3
Member
1765 posts
Buzzing bee

My daughter married her daughter’s daddy last summer.  Their daughter was almost 3 and made a very cute flowergirl.  It was just perfect.  However, then she wanted to be with her mom & dad as they were saying their vows.  So I just held onto her on my lap until they were done, so they could have their own time during their wedding ceremony commitment to each other.  I just said, just a minute, just a minute lol.   I felt that it was important for them as a couple to have their own time without her at that moment..  Then when they were walking out, I let their daughter walk with them.  It was very cute.  In My Humble Opinion, the wedding/marriage is between the two adults.  You can certainly have her present however you want, because you are family, but I also think it is important for husband & wife to have their time together too.  🙂

Post # 4
Member
27 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I have a 3.5 year old who is going to be one of two flower girls and we are also going to present her with a gift after we exchange rings. We had a pendant made that is a silver heart with my fingerprint on the left side and my fiancee’s fingerprint on the right side. I know that I will most likely have to take possession of the necklace for a while so she doesn’t lose it but it will be a nice thing for her to have. We were also considering doing a different version of the sand ceremony but it’s up in the air at this point.

 

Post # 5
Member
2829 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

This is something I have been wondering about too!

Our son will be 5 for our ceremony and I have been wanting to involve him somehow, but am on the fence, as rlsulli said, I think I want some one on one time during the commitment ceremony for my FH & I, but still would like there to be some ceremony or ritual etc to involve my son in.

Which leaves me drawing a blank, as sand ceremonies just aren’t my thing (don’t get me wrong, they are lovely, just not for me).

As for the necklaces.. I would be worried about the same thing, tots can be so carefree. My Future Father-In-Law got our son a lovely glass necklace as a gift for christmas last year(he was 2-3) and within two minutes he was whipping it around wildly. Granted my son is going to be slightly older by the time we have our ceremony, but I am still not too keen on buying a nice piece of jewelery only to have it lost, mistreated, broken etc.

Flower girl & ring bearer are obvious options for inclusion, but somehow they don’t feel *special* enough to me. I am definitely going to have to put more thought into this one.

 

Post # 6
Member
542 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

ALong with everyone else, I’ve been wondering this too! Unlike most of you,  Our daughter will only be 18 months when we get married. Which I think is too young to be a flower girl. I think she would either stand there scared sh**less with everyone staring at her or shed run wildly down the isle to my mom haha. But i want her in the ceremony SOMEHOW.

@ChantelleyLace: and yes, i agree, your daughter will prrobably yank the necklace and play with it! i know mine would. You could give it to her at the ceremony, Take it off when its over, and just save it for her when she gets older

Post # 8
Member
10 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@butterflies:  how did your officiant word it when you were presenting your daughter with her gift?

Post # 9
Member
2600 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

@ChantelleyLace:  Okay, I’m going to be honest here.  I find including the children in wedding ceremonies cloying and annoying.

You and your Fiance are getting married.  You are not marrying your daughter. 

I realize this won’t be a popular opinion but there you are.  I also dislike it when bridal couples get all hung up on “honoring” dead people to the point where the wedding starts to feel like a memorial service. 

Its a wedding.  Keep it a wedding. 

Post # 10
Member
1022 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@Zhabeego:  ditto!! I have 3 daughters, they are involved as wedding party membes, but I am getting married not them, and yes we become  a family, but they don’t need to have any part of the ceremony. no sand, no necklaces during it. nothing.

 

they will get a special gift, at the rehersal dinner, but the ceremoney is about my Fiance and myself

Post # 11
Member
2743 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2014 - Disney

@Zhabeego:  

 

@W292737:  

I disagree with this entirely. When you get married and there are no children its about 2 people. When there is a child in the middle you are solidifying a family. IT is very easy for those children to feel left out and unimportant during this time. I think it is extremely important they feel included in this new relationship and family. My daughter will be giving me away, she’s also the announcer on our Save the Dates and invites. We will present her with a gift, she will sit at the head table,and we may also include her in the handfasting we havent decided on this yet. My fiance also asked my daughter not my parents for permission to marry me.  When you have children nothing you do is only about you anymore, especially life long decisions. This is why it is imperative that she feels wanted, loved, and included by both of us as we start our life together.

Post # 12
Member
2600 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

@dewingedpixie:  Its your wedding, do what you want but if I were a guest I would find this overkill in a pretty major and, I”m sorry, but pretty ridiculous way.  Your kid is on the accouncements, giving you away, getting a special gift, and just on and on an on.  Really?  I would not find it charming to be invited to a wedding only to have it turn into toddlers and tiaras by an indulgent parent. 

Your wedding is about you and your Fiance marrying one another.  Solidifying your family takes place before and after you get married.  A child doesn’t need to be made the center of attention throughout the wedding ceremony in order not to feel left out. Its good for them to learn not everything revolves around them because it doesn’t. 

Post # 13
Member
2600 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

@W292737:  hey good for you!  I like your style!

Post # 14
Member
2743 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2014 - Disney

@Zhabeego:  My daughter realises the world does not revolve around her. She is also 10 not toddlers and tiaras material, and my fiance agrees this is important. My family actually thinks its pretty slick that we’re involving her on this level, that her feelings in this and making a family was important to us. It should also probably be noted I am not reccomended for further pregnancies and fiance gave up his idea of having his own kids after meeting me. He has inturn accepted my little girl as his own. The world may not revolve around her but her family does, and in my opinion weddings are about families. She will need that knowledge as she gets older I maybe a very tough parent on her but she does know its done with love and this family is about us not just 2 people getting married, not just her, but all of us. For us its not about indulging a child this wedding is about a family being put together. Different strokes for different folks, but both of our families greatly value family over all else so that is probably why they find it endeering.

Post # 15
Member
2600 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

@dewingedpixie:  My last reply was a little too blunt.  While I wouldn’t do it, as I said, its your wedding and its obviously very important to you. 

Post # 16
Member
2743 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2014 - Disney

@Zhabeego:  This is true :). Sorry for being heated. The one good thing that came out of my first marriage was this girl.  It took me a long time to find someone who could love both of us the way we deserved to be. Celebrating that is important to us.

Each family is special and how they do things for them is important to them. However they choose to.

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