Irrational fear regarding wedding budget

posted 3 years ago in Money
Post # 2
3452 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2017 - Poppy Ridge Golf Course

Thats not an irrational fear imho. Its a potential reality. Its not likely to happen but there’s always a chance. If you pay half upfront for everything now would that completely wipe out your financial resources? If its a yes then I’d strongly reconsider this budget. Which to me is way over what I’d ever be comfortable spending on a wedding regardless of whether every cent could be paid upfront but I understand everyones vision can vary. 

Post # 3
94 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

I felt the same way during wedding planning–mostly happy with bouts of guilt mixed in!  In the end, you just have to say screw it, I’m getting married, I’m having a big fabulous wedding, I’m lucky, and I’m going to enjoy it!

Post # 6
6673 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

jenebbuh :  If you are feeling so much guilt before you’ve spent a dime, I think it might be best to set yourself a lower budget, with a little buffer.  Say aiming for 20,000 for a start and then comfortably going up to 30,000 if you’re inspired.  

For me you’re talking about spending 2/3 of my annual salary on one day.  I couldn’t have done that and felt okay about it. Some people are totally cool with it, others think they’d rather do something else with that money instead.  There’s nothing wrong with either choice unless you’re going into debt for it.  If you choose to spend the amount you’re thinking, will you still have a buffer in your bank account for emergencies?  Will you be able to pay it all off if your family changes their mind about helping?  Will you look back and wish you’d spent it some other way?  

I do think your nervousness about work is a bit irrational, as you say, so hopefully you’ll be able to get past that.  You can’t be fired without cause and if you’re laid off, you’ll be able to get benefits at least temporarily.  Again though, having a buffer in the bank may be more important to you than getting that designer gown or having a waffle bar or whatever you’re inspired by at the moment.

Last suggestion: why not flesh out a vague idea of what you want and what it may cost (rounding up) – flowers, dress, gifts, venue, food, photographer, etc.  Wedding websites often have good budget trackers.  See if what you’re aiming for is feasible and if there’s anything you are willing to let go (even just exchanging peonies for a less expensive flower can make a world of difference).

Post # 7
154 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

I don’t think at all it is irrational. I think this all depends on how you are used to deal with money. I for example do not believe in “buying” something without having the money for it. The only exception obviously is a house, everything else, including a car, I pay cash. I don’t think I could enjoy my wedding if I had to pay it off and would also be worried about my future since there are just so many things that could happen with jobs etc. Others don’t loose any sleep over this kind of stuff and I am happy for them to enjoy the wedding they want.


Post # 8
701 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

jenebbuh :  you are definitely not the only one. It’s a lot of money and it’s not a guarantee that the day will go smoothly and it’s a lot of money. 

Just focus on what you want and try not to worry about the budget too much since you have already allocated 40k for it. 

Post # 9
1016 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 1983

If you’re this worried (and this stretched financially) why not have a lovely 20K wedding with 100 guests?

Post # 10
770 posts
Busy bee

I personally couldn’t spend that much even if I had it, which is why we are eloping. I think everyone has a “max” and they feel comfortable until they hit that I would say it’s telling that you are posting – maybe you’ll feel more comfortable spending less? 

Post # 11
5161 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2010

There is no way I would have felt comfortable spending that much on one day, and I didn’t.

Ironically the more financially stable and higher my income has become, the less comfortable I am spending huge sums on certain things, probably because I know how much work went into earning that money and because I am acutely aware of what it means not to have it. 

If you aren’t comfortable with it, even if you can texhnically afford it, you can always recise your budget. You don’t have to spend it just because “you can” and concerns about the future are perfecly legitimate considerations to not spend $40K on a one day party.

Post # 12
5161 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2010

skunktastic : 

OP has not said where she lives, but employment protections aren’t the same everywhere. For example, in plenty of places in US (in fact, every state except Montana) private sector employers can draft at will policies of varying degrees and the employer does not need cause or have to give warning to terminate an employee.

Where I am (in a Canadian province) you can be terminated at anytime without cause with the proper legislative notice period which may be 0-8 weeks notice. Nor does every one qualify for “benefits” (or have them available to them) nor are benefits going to necessarily save you from losing your home, going into further debt, or bankruptcy. In a depressed economy finding another position is not such an easy affair – the unemployment rate in my province went from 5% in 2014 to 7% in 2015 to 9% in 2016 (very oil dependent) and I know many who lost their jobs in last couple years (from rig workers to office staff to lawyers and engineers for oil companies or highly dependent on their business) who have not been able to find work for a year or more. Some of them starting as lay offs which turned into terminations when their employer could not bring them back in the requisite period.

Post # 13
10983 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

skunktastic :  

Not to be a wet blanket here but if you are in the US, you can indeed be fired without cause.  Absent a contract that states otherwise, all employment is *at will*, meaning either party can terminate at any time.

Not to even suggest such a thing would happen to the OP, just wanted to clarify.

OP, I think it’s time you sat the parents down for a serious conversation.  You can do it in a non offensive way as in:  “We’re getting pretty deeply into the wedding planning now and it would really help to know where we all stand financially”.

Post # 14
1555 posts
Bumble bee

My cost estimate spreadsheet brings my wedding to $25k for 100 guests. I am majorly anxious about spending this much and haven’t booked anything yet. I work in the resources industry which is going through a downturn, lots of job cuts…also we have a new mortgage to pay for. But even if times were good I would be hesitant to spend so much, I am very frugal with my money! I do want a wedding to though. I’m trying to think of ways to make it cheaper, anyway you can do the same?

Post # 15
13707 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

It’s definitely not an irrational concern — it’s a valid and logical one.  In the end, you just need to decide if the 40k wedding is something you want, or if you can cut corners and have a less expensive wedding. 

It’ll all work out, I promise.

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