Post # 1
So let me just preface this by saying that I plan on having a wedding with 200 guests and have budgeted for 40K. Our parents say they will contribute, but we’re not sure how much so I’ve been trying not to get myself too excited by thinking that we are paying for the entire wedding.
Sometimes I feel comfortable with 40K. Logically, my Fiance and I have the resources to pay for this wedding in cash throughout the span of 12 months. We can’t pay all of it upfront at this moment in cash due to… our bank accounts not being THAT full, but we can comfortably pay for half of it upfront. The venue we’re seriously considering has a reasonable payment plan, so if I plan out the next year, then yes we can comfortably pay for the venue.
I guess what I am struggling with is the fact that weddings cost so much. I really want to have this wedding, and I get super excited thinking about planning for my wedding etc, but thinking about how much money it’s going to cost gets me really anxious. I have this irrational(?) fear that we might go into an economic depression (as some economists have been saying. please no trump talk here) and that I could lose my job. If I lose my job, I would feel incredibly bad having my Fiance pay for it. Or I have another fear that once we put down our deposit, that I get fired because of a stupid mistake from work. All in all, I am just extremely nervous that something might happen to one of our jobs or perhaps both…
Sorry if I’m just rambling. It’s late where I am and I’m super exhausted from work + working out, but my mind is racing and I feel so nervous about this whole money situtation.
So…. am I just being paranoid?? Or is this anxiety/struggle something that you other ladies have encountered?
P.S. I really do want this wedding though :/
Post # 2
- Wedding: September 2017 - Poppy Ridge Golf Course
Thats not an irrational fear imho. Its a potential reality. Its not likely to happen but there’s always a chance. If you pay half upfront for everything now would that completely wipe out your financial resources? If its a yes then I’d strongly reconsider this budget. Which to me is way over what I’d ever be comfortable spending on a wedding regardless of whether every cent could be paid upfront but I understand everyones vision can vary.
Post # 3
I felt the same way during wedding planning–mostly happy with bouts of guilt mixed in! In the end, you just have to say screw it, I’m getting married, I’m having a big fabulous wedding, I’m lucky, and I’m going to enjoy it!
Post # 4
heavenlyflower : The venue doesn’t require us to pay for half of it upfront (Thank GOD) but if it was a requirement I was just stating that we have the ability to do so, but it would make us uncomfortable. The payment plan is more than do-able for us where we keep our emergency savings and we cut out Starbucks coffee here and there or something 🙂
I guess it’s just the thought that about 10K would be going out of our accounts multiple times… I don’t know how I’m ever gonna buy a house in the future
Post # 5
mrskmcob : Phew! Glad I’m not the only one!
Post # 6
jenebbuh : If you are feeling so much guilt before you’ve spent a dime, I think it might be best to set yourself a lower budget, with a little buffer. Say aiming for 20,000 for a start and then comfortably going up to 30,000 if you’re inspired.
For me you’re talking about spending 2/3 of my annual salary on one day. I couldn’t have done that and felt okay about it. Some people are totally cool with it, others think they’d rather do something else with that money instead. There’s nothing wrong with either choice unless you’re going into debt for it. If you choose to spend the amount you’re thinking, will you still have a buffer in your bank account for emergencies? Will you be able to pay it all off if your family changes their mind about helping? Will you look back and wish you’d spent it some other way?
I do think your nervousness about work is a bit irrational, as you say, so hopefully you’ll be able to get past that. You can’t be fired without cause and if you’re laid off, you’ll be able to get benefits at least temporarily. Again though, having a buffer in the bank may be more important to you than getting that designer gown or having a waffle bar or whatever you’re inspired by at the moment.
Last suggestion: why not flesh out a vague idea of what you want and what it may cost (rounding up) – flowers, dress, gifts, venue, food, photographer, etc. Wedding websites often have good budget trackers. See if what you’re aiming for is feasible and if there’s anything you are willing to let go (even just exchanging peonies for a less expensive flower can make a world of difference).
Post # 7
I don’t think at all it is irrational. I think this all depends on how you are used to deal with money. I for example do not believe in “buying” something without having the money for it. The only exception obviously is a house, everything else, including a car, I pay cash. I don’t think I could enjoy my wedding if I had to pay it off and would also be worried about my future since there are just so many things that could happen with jobs etc. Others don’t loose any sleep over this kind of stuff and I am happy for them to enjoy the wedding they want.
Post # 8
jenebbuh : you are definitely not the only one. It’s a lot of money and it’s not a guarantee that the day will go smoothly and it’s a lot of money.
Just focus on what you want and try not to worry about the budget too much since you have already allocated 40k for it.
Post # 9
If you’re this worried (and this stretched financially) why not have a lovely 20K wedding with 100 guests?
Post # 10
I personally couldn’t spend that much even if I had it, which is why we are eloping. I think everyone has a “max” and they feel comfortable until they hit that I would say it’s telling that you are posting – maybe you’ll feel more comfortable spending less?
Post # 11
There is no way I would have felt comfortable spending that much on one day, and I didn’t.
Ironically the more financially stable and higher my income has become, the less comfortable I am spending huge sums on certain things, probably because I know how much work went into earning that money and because I am acutely aware of what it means not to have it.
If you aren’t comfortable with it, even if you can texhnically afford it, you can always recise your budget. You don’t have to spend it just because “you can” and concerns about the future are perfecly legitimate considerations to not spend $40K on a one day party.
Post # 12
OP has not said where she lives, but employment protections aren’t the same everywhere. For example, in plenty of places in US (in fact, every state except Montana) private sector employers can draft at will policies of varying degrees and the employer does not need cause or have to give warning to terminate an employee.
Where I am (in a Canadian province) you can be terminated at anytime without cause with the proper legislative notice period which may be 0-8 weeks notice. Nor does every one qualify for “benefits” (or have them available to them) nor are benefits going to necessarily save you from losing your home, going into further debt, or bankruptcy. In a depressed economy finding another position is not such an easy affair – the unemployment rate in my province went from 5% in 2014 to 7% in 2015 to 9% in 2016 (very oil dependent) and I know many who lost their jobs in last couple years (from rig workers to office staff to lawyers and engineers for oil companies or highly dependent on their business) who have not been able to find work for a year or more. Some of them starting as lay offs which turned into terminations when their employer could not bring them back in the requisite period.
Post # 13
Not to be a wet blanket here but if you are in the US, you can indeed be fired without cause. Absent a contract that states otherwise, all employment is *at will*, meaning either party can terminate at any time.
Not to even suggest such a thing would happen to the OP, just wanted to clarify.
OP, I think it’s time you sat the parents down for a serious conversation. You can do it in a non offensive way as in: “We’re getting pretty deeply into the wedding planning now and it would really help to know where we all stand financially”.
Post # 14
My cost estimate spreadsheet brings my wedding to $25k for 100 guests. I am majorly anxious about spending this much and haven’t booked anything yet. I work in the resources industry which is going through a downturn, lots of job cuts…also we have a new mortgage to pay for. But even if times were good I would be hesitant to spend so much, I am very frugal with my money! I do want a wedding to though. I’m trying to think of ways to make it cheaper, anyway you can do the same?
Post # 15
It’s definitely not an irrational concern — it’s a valid and logical one. In the end, you just need to decide if the 40k wedding is something you want, or if you can cut corners and have a less expensive wedding.
It’ll all work out, I promise.