Post # 1
So this is my second wedding. I was married 8 years ago and it just didn’t work out. We were young and everyone kept telling us not to and we did anyway. Prior to my first wedding, my mother had move to the other side of the country when I was 14 years old. No notice. Nothing. One day she was gone and I lived with my grandmother, who from practically that day on has been my mother. My mom and her now husband came to live here the day before my wedding. I mean literally the day before. She helped with some decorating and that was all. She paid for nothing. But I was glad to have her there. Now FF to today. I am set to be remarried. This time forever! Since I had a bigger wedding the first time and my Fiance eloped his first time around, we decided to have a traditional wedding in his hometown instead of mine. He is from Texas and we currently live in Washington. We announced our engagement over a year before the wedding because we knew everyone would need to save for travel expenses if they wanted to go. Now there are 3 months until the wedding and my mother calls me to say she cannot afford to go..but they did just come back from a week stay in New York. I call my grandmother to confirm that my mother is indeed not going. My grandmother states she isn’t either because she is too old. Yes she is 77 but she is in perfect health. Walks faster than me and takes only hormone pills. My father will not be going because he is in recovery and can’t afford it. Which I completely understand. Now. I am pissed, sad, and regretting this whole out of state wedding thing. Right now on my list of people on my side I have…my two children, my older sister, and childhood friend…pretty lonely! Am I being insensitive?
Post # 3
I’m so sorry. You’d like to think immediate family will make the trip. Unfortunately you’re not the first to post on here that a close family member wasn’t making it to their OOT wedding.
I think it’s understandable that you are disappointed. Soundsl ike your mom had higher priorities than your wedding. However, I certainly don’t havethe whole story. Perhaps you don’t either. Have you asked your mom and grandmother about why they can’t make it? I mean tell them how you’re disappointed, and explain that you really thought they’d make the trip. See what they say…
I don’t know how to excuse your mom. Although, she doesn’t sound like she’s been very dependable in the past. Your dad, I understand. Grandma, I don’t know. She sounds generally supportive. So I’d be inclined to give her the benefit of the doubt.
Post # 4
@Tanya123: The part that is irritating is when i dropped my mom and her hubby off at the airport a couple of weeks ago, they asked me who was giving me away. I said no one because it is my second wedding. She then insisted that my stepdad do it. I said ok. We had a whole conversation about it. I pick her up from the airport and a few days later she calls and says she isn’t coming because she can’t afford it. I am like WTF. You just came back from New York city. I thought maybe she was in a bad mood and didn’t think anything of it. That is until i spoke to my grandma. She also told me my mom wasn’t going because of the cost. My mother is not poor. The car is paid off, they have a mortgage cheaper than most rent. In addition, I picked a hotel reception/ceremony because my family would be traveling. I didn’t even want a hotel reception/ ceremony! My grandmother is upset because we will be moving out of state soon after the wedding because my FI is in the army. She doesn’t want me to move her favorite great grandchild away from her.
Post # 5
First of all we are date twins YAY!
I don’t think you’re being irrational in the least. I don’t care if this is your 25th wedding… you deserve to have the respect of your closest family members to be there!!!
They still have time to change their minds. Have the official invitations gone out yet?
Post # 6
I don’t think you’re irrational for being hurt, but do think it best not to make further inquiries as to why they can’t afford to come. Forcing other people to justify how they spend their money seldom leads to good feelings.
People of previous generations don’t always see second weddings the way younger folks do, and that may be coloring your grandmother’s decision. That’s not a lot of fun to consider, but I wouldn’t rule it out. Before pushing her further on the subject I would ask myself whether I was prepared to hear that sort of thing baldly stated.