- 5 years ago
- Wedding: October 2011
Hey Bees – long-time lurker and first-time poster here. I just couldn’t resist the urge to get some other opinions about my emotions upon learning that I will not be asked to be in the bridal party for my brother-in-law’s wedding.
Relevant Background: My husband and I got married in October 2011. At the time, his older brother B had been dating his girlfriend S for about four years, and they had been living together out of state for three years. My husband decided to only have his two brothers as groomsmen. I really struggled with whether to include S in my bridal party, but ultimately decided against it, because she and B always seemed to have a sort of uncertain future, inasmuch as she really wanted to get engaged and he was pretty ambivalent about it, even after four years. Outside the fact that we were dating brothers, S and I don’t have tons in common, though we’ve always gotten along pretty well. I called S to explain that I had struggled with the decision, but had decided not to ask her to be in my bridal party – instead, I had my two sisters and my two closest friends. S said that she was relieved I had not asked her to be in the wedding, because she did not want to incur the extra expenses of being in the bridal party.
Flash forward to this November – B proposed to S! I was excited for both of them, but especially for S, as this has been something she has wanted for quite some time. I was congratulating them on Facebook, emailing her with websites I found helpful, and really and truly enthusiastic about their wedding. Tonight, she informed me via gchat that she is not asking me to be in her bridal party, but wanted to know if I would do a reading in the wedding. I had predicted this to my husband before it happened, but I am WAY more devastated than I thought I would be! A couple of things really aggravate my sadness:
(1) B is having five groomsmen, and S is only having four bridesmaids, so it’s not as though including me would have thrown off their numbers – if anything, it would even them out. So the exclusion feels very intentional. (As opposed to when I was deciding on my bridal party, and was really trying to keep it small since my husband was only having his two brothers).
(2) S has a brother who is my age and who is also married. His wife is included in the bridal party as a bridesmaid, but I, the other sister-in-law am not. So, I’m the only sibling or sibling spouse NOT in the wedding – all the other brothers and sisters and in-laws are in, but I’m out. For what it’s worth, I do think S is closer with her brother’s wife than she is with me, but the exclusion does feel, again, really intentional.
So, this is mostly just a post to vent and get comforted – I don’t think I’ll say anything to S about it, because I don’t want to make her feel bad (I remember how nervous I was to tell people they were not in my bridal party – it’s uncomfortable) and I don’t want to be included just because she feels obligated since I was being a baby about it. It just really dampens my enthusiasm about their wedding, and about having her as a sister-in-law in general, and I needed to vent. Thanks for listening!