(Closed) Irresponsible FIL planning to descend on us. Please help.

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 2
Member
7440 posts
Busy Beekeeper

I do not see how this is your issue? He is a full grown adult, as you said, a man child, he chose to sell his stuff, he chose to move, he is making the choices to suit him. You can likewise choose to say no. “Our one bedroom appartment barely fits our needs, it would be impossible to move another in”. 

Post # 3
Member
122 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

I feel like the answer is that this is going to escalate and you’re going to have to call the authorities at some point. Your options appear to be not letting him in for even one night and probably having to live with him sleeping on your doorstep to guilt you and harass you, or letting him in, dealing with him living on your couch and forcing him to apply for housing things. At which point it sounds like it would still be a struggle to get him to leave. That’s tough. 

Post # 4
Member
3106 posts
Sugar bee

Seeing all that you’ve described, both your husband’s and your conscience can be clear; you’ve gone above and beyond in trying to help your Father-In-Law.  To be honest, I would not let him put a foot inside your apartment.  Please try to consult ASAP with relevant organizations, whether governmental or not about any alternatives – not including your taking care of this sorry excuse of a man – you may have.

Post # 5
Member
5046 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2014

View original reply
AnonymousForThis:  Agree with PP. We have a similar, but less intense version of your problem. My husband has a grown daughter who thinks it’s his duty to give her money. “It’s what fathers do” – she literally said that. Well, her car broke down and my husband’s EX wife called him and asked him to get a loan out for the daughter to buy a new car and that the EX wife would pay him back monthly. Whaaaa…?! Hell no! We did what you did. We got online and were looking for bus routes in her area (she lives a few states away). And you know what? She got it sorted out. Granted someone else in her life had to give her a car they weren’t using, but it got worked out. My husband is a poor man (and, well, so am I!) and it was shocking that the EX would even call. Though the daughter has asked over and over for money and berated him for not giving in.

Soooo… if it were me, I’d put my foot down. He will figure something out as soon as no one enables him.

Post # 6
Member
1157 posts
Bumble bee

Some people need to flounder before they will take care of themselves. Your Father-In-Law is obviously in good enough condition that he can hold a moving sale and sell all his things, he is in good enough condition that he can move himself up to where you guys live… he is therefore in good enough condition to take care of his damn self. If he shows up at your doorstep, tell him he is welcome to come in and visit, but his suitcases had better stay outside your door the whole time, because he is not welcome to live with you or your family if he is not going to get a job and pay his own way (meaning he would be giving you every cent of his $600 monthly budget if he wants to presume he has the right to invade your space or that of your mothers).

Sorry, irresponsible people shouldn’t get a pass, regardless of their relation to you. He chose not be responsible with his money in the past, he is the only person who should have to suffer for it. You helped him out before, out of the goodness of your heart, and he had no right to form expectations of you helping him in the future.

Post # 7
Member
2758 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

You either will stick to your guns (which you should) and not allow him in if he turns up…

or you let him in, go a year with him doing nothing, then go through drama with eviction processes to get him out.

Your mom knows the situation so she is free to make a choice as she sees fit. I would tell her to call you if he shows up on her step, tell her not to answer the door to him, and then go there yourself to tell him to keep it moving.

Post # 8
Member
2957 posts
Sugar bee

deleted my comment because you’ve already done what I originally suggested. 

  • This reply was modified 5 years, 6 months ago by SLOBee.
Post # 12
Member
7440 posts
Busy Beekeeper

He sounds like a piece of work. Good luck bee, sounds like you will need it! What a tough situation, don’t envy you

Post # 14
Member
4379 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

Soooo… if it were me, I’d put my foot down. He will figure something out as soon as no one enables him.

View original reply
RedHeadKel:  ^^^ So much this! Well put! 

Post # 15
Member
1758 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

Stick to your guns bee. He will never leave if he gets one foot through your door.

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