(Closed) Irritated with his EX

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
486 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

What happened between him going back to her and the 2 of you now being together and planning a wedding? I hope he got down on his knees either literally or figuratively begging for your forgiveness and trust. Did you lay out any terms before taking him back? In order to get rid of the resentment you have to have his words and actions show that he’s commited to YOUR relationship now.

Post # 5
Member
3691 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

I think it’s weird that she has any way at all to even get in contact with him.  My Dear Fiance has nothing to do with his ex-wife, and avoids her like the plague.  He’s actually spun me around and dragged me out of the grocery store because he spotted her at the deli counter.  Had he ever dumped me to get back together with her, I wouldn’t have given him another chance.

Post # 6
Member
46335 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

The reality is that most middle aged (or older) people have been in previous relationships-married or not.

Does he harbor ill feelings about your previous relationships? This part of the problem is yours to fix.

As for his ex still contacting him- he has control of that- DON”T ANSWER THE PHONE. If they do not have children together there is no reason he needs to answer a phone call from her at one in the morning.

You can’t control what anyone else does with their facebook. He has no responsibility for that. That has nothing to do with your realtionship.

Time to give up these insecurities and focus on the healthy part of your relationship.

Post # 8
Member
7415 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

She’s calling at 1am….but is he answering? Clearly your mate isn’t setting strong enough boundries. that wouldn’t sit well with me. Like you said, they don’t have kids together so there really isn’t an excuse.

Post # 11
Member
2854 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Sounds like the simple solution is “Pick up, hang up.” 🙁  Is it possible to block her number?

Post # 12
Member
1110 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I agree, why does he pick up the phone? By picking up he’s telling her he wants to talk to her. Even if all he says is to stop calling. All she cares about is that she’s got his undivided attention. If he ignores her long enough she’ll find someone new to bother. I wouldn’t put up with him talking to her. It would make me think he’s keeping the drama going by fighting with her.

Some people do love each other but they only know how to argue and terrorize each other. He obviously cares for her, they spent 20 years together. I’m sure he’d like to get along with her but if all they do is fight, he needs to just cut off contact with her. For now at least.

 

ETA: “He has asked me to answer the phone” WHATTT?!?!?!? Stay out of it. He sounds to me like he’s looking for a catfight to stroke his ego. This is his problem not yours. She’s gonna LOOVEEEE when you pick up the phone. Then the drama will increase about 100%. Please rethink that.

Post # 13
Member
1962 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I think you should try to block the number. Then if she uses another phone to call just don’t pick up. If she knows he will answer she will just keep calling. Once he starts ignoring her she will be more likely to stop calling since it will seem like it’s not bothering you anymore.

Post # 15
Member
7415 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@MrsTimmy: OH okay that makes a huge differance (I didn’t read that the first time, reading to quickly). Then the only thing to do is ignore her. She’s getting off on being a pain in the butt. If a man yells at me my pride who tell me to never call again. So don’t give her any reaction. All calls to go voicemail and then deleted, don’t bother listening. And please don’t EVER get on the phone with her because that will just play into her game and she will know its getting to you. You didn’t sleep with her for 20 years this isn’t your problem to handle.

Sorry you going thru this. I agree with the PP, things like the FB pics aren’t something you should be concerned about. Its a waste of energy. I respect that he was honest with you in the begining and did what he needed to get closure. Your man seems to be supportive to the best of his ability. From where I sit you totally have got the upper hand here. Respect what the both of you have built. She only has power if you let her. When your mind drifts to her, litterally push it out. If anything be thankful that she was in his life, becuase she messed it up so bad that he’s now with you. HA!

Post # 16
Member
266 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

i think he sounds like a great loyal guy.

she sounds like a shrew

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