- 3 months ago
My final update: I said goodbye to my in-laws this morning before work and my husband just dropped them off at the airport. Overall their trip, which was 5 weeks 6 days, went well. Definitely way too long and I’ve sworn that barring unusual circumstances (i.e. if/when we have another baby), we definitely will not be hosting either side for longer than 3 weeks, ever again. But they had a wonderful time with my daughter (who they remain OBSESSED with), Mother-In-Law filled our freezer with food that should last the next few weeks 🙌 🙌 and I also took the chance to go on a getaway with a friend celebrating a milestone birthday this weekend, giving my ILs the chance to spend uninterrupted hours with my daughter and husband which worked out perfectly (because lets face it, as much as they love me, they are mostly there to see them). My husband did have to run a fair amount of interference and I could tell even my Father-In-Law picked up on the fact that his wife was overstepping: I sometimes heard him telling her to back off a little (and most times she ignored him), so it confirmed that I was not overreacting to this.
Now that they are gone, its of course easier to be generous and philosophical about things so I will restate that I still realize the basis of their smothering/boundary-breaking is their love for my husband, my daughter and I. Was I kind of irritated that they spent 5 minutes of our goodbye conversation lecturing me to eat more? Yes. Do I realize that it was just out of concern/love/natural instinct to parent, despite the fact that I am an adult and a mother myself now? Also yes. It’s something I certainly couldn’t live with though so I am glad they are so far away and whatever crazy ideas my husband might have, I’m definitely not going to host/visit family (either side!) for 2-3 months a year because I can see how this could bleed into our relationship as well. I had days where I’d start off overwhelmed and irritated (e.g. first thing in the morning I’d stagger into the kitchen to get a glass of water and find his mother bustling about and asking if she could help me like I wasn’t in my own damn kitchen!) and then I’d be snappy and distant with my husband and he’d have no idea why and I didn’t know how to explain that I just wanted everyone out of my house and that impotent frustration was spilling into our interactions. So yeah, more power to people who can live with/close to their families because I definitely couldn’t do it!
I will now enjoy 2.5 weeks with my little family, before my mum arrives for 10 days (and then no more long term guests until the end of the year. Hallelujah!)