Post # 1
Hello fellow destination bees – here to vent this morning
SO & I have been stressing because we’re trying to begin wedding planning before the official proposal (ring’s picked out and he told me I’m allowed to be livid if it hasn’t happened by mid-April lol) because we’re both students w/jobs (he went back to finish his degree and I’m in grad school) and our last semesters will both be hell academically – so basically, the wedding needs to be planned by the end of this year.
We’ve chosen a Destination Wedding as a compromise (I wanted to elope, he wanted the big wedding shindig). We also chose that b/c we feel it will be the best way to have a memorable, beautiful event on a budget. I was letting my best childhood friend (and most likely, who I will ask to be my MOH) know so she can begin the saving process – I figure, the sooner the better, right?
Well, when I explain the “it’s-nicer-than-anything-we-could-have-at-home-bit” since we’re on a budget, she gets on Google and sends me about 5 different links to potential venues in our hometown.
Other than the fact that I can shoot down everything she sent me (one was a rec center that doesn’t allow alcohol, the others were links to two churches and neither SO and I want to be married in a church, and the others were city parks and I don’t want to deal with rentals and rain plans, etc.), I’m SOOOO irritated that she thought that she could jump online and find something I hadn’t found in my months of researching for the wedding.
It’s my wedding – of course I scoured the internet trying to find something we loved in our price range! But our hometown is a huge metropolitian area that is simply out of our budget.
I know she may have just been trying to be helpful, but I can’t help but feel irritated and now I’m getting scared as to what others’ reactions to our Destination Wedding plans will be once they are announced.
Did anyone else run into this problem where people thought that maybe you just hadn’t “looked” hard enough?
Post # 3
I get the feeling that she is just trying to help. Have you told her about what kind of wedding you want? (I’m assuming not…because I don’t understand why she’d make these suggestions when she already knows what you want.)
Perhaps ask her to help you with another project? It sounds like she’s really eager to help but her energy isn’t quite guided the right direction. Either that, or perhaps she’s suggesting a venue to have an at-home reception?
Post # 4
I also get the feeling that she’s just trying to help, but in response to how to deal with others who may have a problem with your destination wedding, just let them know that this is a compromise between you and your Fiance, and it’s what you both decided on and are happy with. You don’t owe them an explanation of why you want a Destination Wedding, and if they don’t like it, they don’t have to come! It’s your decision on what you want to do for your wedding, and just let people know that your mind is made up, and it’s not up for discussion!
Post # 5
I get this and I’m not evern planning a destination wedding. Our wedding is in the bordering state 30mins from our church and my Future Mother-In-Law has made a huge deal out of this. She has been telling guests its over two hours away.
Just tell her that this is the place that you and your Fiance want to have your wedding. It is your wedding after all. If she isn’t just trying to be critical and wants to help, you can maybe give her a task.
Post # 6
*sigh* mireisen, you’re probably totally right and I’m overreacting. I guess I just became unnerved because she did this promptly after making a comment about how expensive if it would be her rather than if we did something at home. Which I can’t argue with – it will definitely be more expensive for our guests.
I’m probably just on edge and nervous about how the news will be taken, I suppose. Thanks though; I’m so glad to have the bee b/c I know you ladies will keep me in check!
Post # 7
Oh yes. I’ve been asked by multiple people “Didn’t you do ANY research??!!”. Like I’m an idiot. Or a child. Just try not to let it bother you too much- I know that’s easier said than done. It takes people awhile to get their heads wrapped around a Destination Wedding, but they’ll eventually come around. Just keep positive and excited.
Post # 8
My mom did the same thing.. she was convinced that I wasn’t looking hard enough for things in my price range. I took good notes and did cost comparisons to prove her wrong. The arrangement we reached was church in our area, reception closer to her. saves cost & we are both a little happy.
So sorry it’s working out that way!
Post # 9
We considered a Destination Wedding early on in the planning, and honestly, you do have to think about your families, not just you and Fiance. Neither of our families would have been able to afford attending the wedding, and if we paid for all of their flights/hotels, we wouldn’t be saving that much.
A Destination Wedding is a huge hassle for most guests (and just plain impossible for some), so you should be prepared to explain yourself over and over. If enough people can’t make it, you might have to scrap the idea entirely.
Regarding your friend, I think she was just trying to be helpful, so you can tell her that you’ve already checked out those venues (and many many others). If she can understand your thought process, she’s less likely to be upset at the expenses of traveling to your Destination Wedding.
Post # 10
Your situation is one that I think a lot of brides who do destination weddings go through. It is your wedding and if you want to have it elsewhere then…have it elsewhere. If others doubt your choice of venue, or think you didn’t look hard enough, then they are not considering what you want. If they love you, they will come to your wedding with smiles on their faces. It’s a shame that people are so self-absorbed and can complain about how your wedding will affect them Thank them for their help, tell them you will consider it, and go about your business in planning your wedding