(Closed) Irritating comments – interested in perspectives from the hive…

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
2786 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Of course there’s nothing wrong with enjoying your engagement before jumping into planning….I’ll have been engaged 20 months when we get married, and thank god, because I have actually been able to ENJOY planning 🙂

Don’t let people get to you. Making sure you can pay for it without going into debt is commendable, and you should be proud of yourselves for being smart about it.

Post # 4
Member
382 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

Of course you should enjoy your engagement. I think that people asking you these questions don’t take your engagement as seriously as you do because you haven’t set a date. Whether that’s right or wrong is a different conversation, but I think there are a lot of people out there who don’t view an engagement as “real” until there’s a date.

Ignore them. Enjoy finding person you’re going to spend the rest of your life with. You know the plans the two of you have.

Post # 5
Member
406 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I’ve only been engaged for two months and people are already bugging me about a date. I try to tell myself that they are just excited for me, but they all have an opinion, don’t they?  I try to tell them firmly but graciously that we need to do what is best for us by enjoying planning and staying financially responsible. Then I try to change the subject…

Post # 6
Member
40 posts
Newbee

Some people just ask the date as part of the conversation.  I usually ask about the wedding to engaged young women because I remember how excited I was planning my own wedding, and I remember loving to talk about it with anyone who acted genuinely interested.  Maybe they are just excited for you and ready to start the planning!  It is nothing against your relationship. 

Post # 7
Member
580 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Lol. I could have written this. I’ve been engaged for less than two weeks, and 90% of people have asked me when I’m getting married. I don’t plan on getting married for at least two years, probably more, so I’m sure that question will get old!

Post # 8
Member
93 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I can imagine that it can get annoying, but I just think people are excited. Especially if they know you well enough to know that they will be invited! Who doesn’t like being invited and attending a wedding?  I don’t even think you should have to explain WHY you haven’t set a date. I mean if it is because of money, no one really likes talking about not having enough money to do all of the planning- so I wouldn’t give a reason if I were you. I would probably just say something like “We have decided that we are going to discuss setting a date after the first of the year”.   Heads up, just because you have a date “set” doesn’t end the questions. (And I suspect they keep asking because yet again they are excited of the thought of a wedding, attending, being part of-whatever) 

“Where is the venu? Are you getting married in Church? Where are you going to go on your honeymoon??” 

I’m not even married yet, and I won’t be for another 5 months and the “when are you going to start trying for a family” question has reared it’s ugly head mroe times than I care lol

Post # 9
Member
4327 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 1992

I think it’s just a natural flow of conversation if you’re talking about having been engaged. Except in the instance of your coworker. She is being a little too pushy.

Post # 10
Member
93 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Yeah! I forgot all about the co-worker. She is being pushy 🙁 down with making you feel bad about enjoying your engagement time. Some people seem to think everyone should be on their timeline.

Post # 11
Member
692 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

We felt the same way. It was ESPECIALLY annoying to get constant comments from engaged people whose parents were paying for everything…or people who just did the simple church hall wedding with the plastic chairs, etc.

I mean, there’s nothing wrong with any of that…but people need to understand not all weddings/couples are the same.

My Fiance and I don’t want something extravagant, but we want to make our wedding more “us”. That required a lot of work, and a lot of planning/research.

We JUST set the date (12/1/12) last month…and we got engaged in Sept. 2010. So yea, you’re not alone.

Post # 12
Member
2125 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

took me about a year to set a date…money wasn’t the issue, as I know there will never be enough money! lol. but we had to jump through alot of hoops with my church so we could be married in it. Yeah, I got alot of people asking when and stuff and I would just explain we have to complete our church’s requirements first and will be setting a date as soon as we do.

when I finally had a date…it was kinda nice just to at least have an answer to that question because i think it’s just part of being engaged, people are excited for you they want to know when. Your friends probably just doing want to see you put it off forever because the truth is there will never be enough money….it’s like trying to plan for hte birth of a child, you can never be fully prepared, you just have to get what you can afford.

I wish we hadn’t been engaged for over two years but that’s just how it worked out for us…we are no less in love then those who had 8 month engagements, no less serious about committing to our promise to one another. 

Enjoy this time, set your date when you are good and ready. If it bothers you that you dont’ have a date yet then work on a budget, on how much you think you will be able to save between now and when you think you’d like to be married by …but if you are in no rush, then just ignore those people. 

Post # 13
Member
822 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Is there a reason why the questions about date are so touchy?  Just like others said, people usually ask about the wedding date as part of the conversation. Some people have no idea what else to say.

When we got engaged, we didn’t have a date set immediately.  We just answered, “sometime in 2012 but we haven’t set the date yet.” My bro and sis in law were engaged for a few years and had to postpone it for a year after aiming for summer 2010.  They told people they wanted time to save up for the wedding because they didn’t want to go into debt. 

When asked, just answer with something vague like, “we’re thinking June 2019.”  No one said there was a time limit on when you are engaged to when you get married.  I worked with a woman who said she wanted a five year engagement and she indeed waited five years.

Be prepared for questions about kids after you get married.

Post # 14
Member
248 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I’ve been engaged since late May 2010…so two years nearly.  I’ll probably be engaged for at least a year and a half more. 

We just can’t afford to get married.  I’m not working, and Fiance has a job he loves, but isn’t brilliantly paid.  We get by, but there’s not much left over. Hopefully I’ll get a job soon, but even when I do, it’s going to take awhile to save up.

I don’t get the comments – but I think that’s more do do with our ages, we are both in our early 40s.  Being engaged at our age just doesn’t seem to be taken that seriously by anyone. 

Post # 15
Member
986 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

For those that can’t wrap their head around it, give them a date 10yrs down the road….let them get their head around that.

Laughing

Post # 16
Member
4046 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

When people ask me when I’m getting married, I cheerfully answer “sometime in the future!”

it’s 100% true, the cheerfulness usually quells any future questions by letting them know you are OK with being engaged and not having a date yet.

But I know how you feel, having been engaged for a while sometimes I feel like I should turn in my “woman” card because I am not all over this wedding planning business and family/friends usually try to make me feel bad about it. The Fh and I like to make decisions in our own time and no one in our circle ever gets that.

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