Post # 1
So… I don’t really have anyone IRL to ask about this.
But in 2 weeks () J and I will be long distance. I find myself getting more irritated with him and wanting to nitpick lately, whenever I think about it. I don’t know how to stop!! I’ve kept it in check and haven’t been rude or anything, but I think it’s just because I’m so sad about being away from him and I don’t want to have to miss him 🙁 Thinking about it makes it hard to breathe..
I just don’t want to be long distance and let bad feelings build up just because I miss him, I don’t want to cause stupid fights because I’m sad when we can’t hug and kiss it out.
Does anyone else do this before separation? How do I deal with this??
Post # 3
And, er, I meant to post this under the “long distance” section..
Post # 5
I’ve never been in a LDR but in my opinion, you’re thinking of pushing him away to prepare yourself for him being gone. I do it also when I know Fiance will be gone for a while so I have to watch out.
Post # 6
You’re probably processing your anxiety about him leaving in a negative way. Sort of a subconcious effort to push him away to make his leaving hurt less. Tell him that you’ve been channeling your feelings this way, cry, hug it out, and enjoy your remaining time together.
Mr Cappugcino and I live in opposite ends of the US and Canada. I’ve got nearly 7 years experience in a long distance relationship and cannot wait to close the gap when we get married and finally live together. I understand how hard the prospect of separating is, but try to remember it’s hard on your guy too
Post # 7
SO and I were long-distance for nine months, and it royally sucked. I used to feel sorry for myself all the time and not realize it was really hard for him, too. It’s natural to push each other away at first because you’re just getting used to the idea of being apart and you’re trying to protect yourselves, but nip this in the bud or you won’t last.
We made time for “dates” over the phone and the Internet and treated them as if we were meeting up somewhere so we wouldn’t ditch each other. It’s easy to think, “Oh, it’s just a Skype date. I’ll go out tonight and we’ll do it tomorrow.” Make sure to make time for each other and you can make it work.
Post # 8
Fiance and i are 8 hours away. We are going through the US immigration long process. I usually pick a fight the night before i go home or he goes hime. i dont mean to but it just happens so its completely normal imo..not necessarily fair but normal…
Post # 9
You need to try and stay present in the moment. It’s hard, yes. But you need to do it. Try not to focus on when he’s leaving, when you’ll see him again, and how much you’ll miss him. Instead, focus on the fact that today you get to hold him. Today, you get to love him. And today, he gets to kiss you good night. Period. SO and I have been doing the cross-country long distance thing for almost a year and a half, and we’ve got 2 more years to go, and it doesn’t get easier. It just is. Some days are harder than others, but if you truly love him, then whatever the reason for the distance, it will be worth it in the end. SO and I trade off playing “Pollyanna” to cheer up the other person; having a discussion with your man about your feelings will definitely help him support you better, and help you support him.
Good luck… it’s a long road, but that which doesn’t kill us….
Post # 10
I’m prob not the best person to give advice but I wanted to tell you, I feel the same way. DH is moving in less than a month and I already notice myself getting upset when he decided to do anything without me but I know that is irrational. I have decided to not talk about him moving and really just avoid the subject as much as possible for the time being. When it comes up with friends, I make a joke and then change subjects. It’s not easy but I guess we’ll figure it out when the tiem comes. I also keep telling myself it’S not forever.
Post # 11
It’s totally, totally normal!!!
DH and I are long distance with the military and before he left for basic, we went through a few weeks of being irritated with each other. I would get mad at him over the dumbest stuff (the way he drove, not hearing me when I was talking, the way he CHEWED… haha 🙂 )
I realized that I was trying to push him away because the pain of knowing he was leaving was just too much. But, then the irritation and space between us was no better, so we talked about it and both made a concerted effort to be open and honest with each other about what we were feeling and anticipating.
In a sense, you go through stages of grief upon separation, because you’re mourning the loss of how things were. The best advice I have, from having gone through it, is to try to not miss him while he’s here, then when he leaves, give yourself a few days (or weeks) to cry, mourn, get it out of your system… then get over it and move on!!
You need to find activities that you enjoy, and it’s a lot more fun to call your hunny with stories of all you’re doing instead of “babe, I’m just sitting here and I am MISERABLE without you!!!” He is going through the same thing, the same pain, and the same feelings of loss, so use the fact that you’re BOTH going through it to draw you closer.
Post # 12
Oh, and also, write letters to each other!! It’s super romantic, even if you’re able to call everyday. Right now, DH can’t call me except at very limited intervals, but getting and sending letters helps tremendously. Plus, it’s super cute to read sweet things he’s written!
Post # 13
this happens to me also. I think it’s the stress. I always feel really bad about it too.
Just try not to take out your frustrations of the LDR on him. make the most of every second you have