Post # 1
My very sweet cousin caught me off guard recently and asked me if she could be my flower girl in my July 2010 wedding. I’d had a few glasses of champagne and my thoughts were not coming to me quickly. I couldn’t think of anything I could say that wouldn’t hurt her feelings, so I said yes. The problem is that she is going to be 11 by the time of our wedding and I have another cousin who is 4 who I was planning on having be the flower girl. Is 11 too old for a flower girl? I’ve been thinking of other ways I could keep my older cousin involved. Do you have any ideas about other ways to involve her in the wedding? I was thinking about a reading (she’s very bright) and assigning her to junior photographer duty (giving her a disposable with a neck strap)? Do you think it’s too tacky to change her role and I should just leave it as is?
Post # 3
I don’t think that any age is too old if the flowergirl herself is comfortable with it. Hey, she’s not 25! I doubt any of your guests will be like, “That flowergirl is far too old!”
I would look at it as an opportunity. Four is very young, so perhaps the 11 year -old can hold the hand of the four year old. That way the 11yo is a flower girl, and someone can manage the 4 yo!
The other option is to make her a junior bridesmaid.
The only thing I would say about changing her role, is that I would just be extra super careful with her feelings. Obviously, the wedding is meaningful to her and she is excited about it, which is why she asked you to be involved. Also, remember that kids can be very sensitive and not understand/care about the nuances of “wedding etiquette” the way adults do (or, we hope the do!). If you say no, she may only hear “Morrkris doesn’t want me,” even if you explain things.
Post # 4
I like the idea of the 11 year old holding the 4 year olds hand. That sounds cute! =]
Post # 5
- Wedding: January 2011 - Vintage Villas
I have a niece who will be 9 when we get married, and she’s going to be a junior bridesmaid. My other niece who will be 5 and she’ll be the flower girl.
My older niece is SO excited about being a bridesmaid with the “big girls” she’ll be wearing a similar dress and carrying a bouquet – I think it makes her feel most special to be treated as one of the older girls.
Post # 6
I was right around 10 or 11 when my sister got married, and I was her junior bridesmaid. Which, at the time, I thought was the coolest thing in the world. Let the 4yo be the flower girl, and give the 11yo a promotion 🙂
Post # 7
I said yes, BUT I think you’ve got yourself in a sticky situation, since she already asked and you already said yes :/
Maybe the best place to start is by asking her if SHE thinks flower girl is really what she’d most like to do. Maybe tell her you were planning on asking her to do xyz, but if she’d rather be fg, that’s her choice?
Post # 8
Junior Bridesmaid or Best Man. She’ll probably like it beter than flower girl anyway, because she’ll look like a big girl. Maybe she just asked about Fg bcause she thought that role wouldn’t be imposing on you too much. (Like asking to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man was too personal.) Beside if she is expecting to be in the wedding as Flower Girl, at this point, and you gave the nid, I think something like junior Bridesmaid or Best Man would be more desired (promotion), than the FG’s escort (demotion). And chances are your 4 yr old isn’t really going to need someone to escort her anyway.
Post # 9
- Wedding: July 2010 - Catholic Church & The Engine Room at Georgetown Studios
My niece is 8 and she also had her heart set on being a flower girl. In my mind, if a flowergirl is old enough to fully understand the duties of her job- she’s too old. My niece is going to be a Jr Bridesmaid, which I think is more appropriate. In reality she just wants to wear a pretty dress and be involved and included. Reframe her role as a Jr Bridesmaid. 🙂
Post # 10
If she wants to do it, she’s not too old.
Post # 11
- Wedding: September 2009 - Barr Mansion
She could be a junior bridesmaid! But honestly, if she wants to be a flowergirl, I really don’t think 11 is too old. She and the 4-year-old could both be flowergirls, no?
Post # 12
I would take her out to a girls only lunch or something where you can hang out and just say that you had been thinking about it and wondered if she would like to be a junior bridesmaid and do all the stuff with the big girls or if she would like to be a flower girl. At the age of 11 she is old enough to make a choice of what she wants to do. Of course get it all approved with her parents first! Either way I think that it would be fun to have her do a reading!
Post # 13
11 is a tough age (they look silly in a flower girl dress, but many junior bridesmaids’ dresses look too mature). Since you told her she could be in the wedding, I think it would be difficult to give her a role outside of the processional without hurting her feelings. Since you have another flower girl in mind, I agree with asking her to be a junior bridesmaid. She probably doesn’t know there is such a thing and if you approach it that you were thinking that since she’s not a little girl anymore, you’d like to give her a bigger role (wink wink) in the wedding as a junior bridesmaid. That’s what I did anyway. She got her 30 seconds of fame walking down the aisle and then sat with my Mother-In-Law in the front row (we didn’t have a jr. groomsman). More designers offer coordinating flower girl dresses than junior bridesmaid dresses though so that is something to keep in mind before you decide to go that route.
Holding the other girl’s hands could be sweet, but I’m thinking she’d end up holding the basket for the 4 year old (the 4 year old only having one hand free)…would she be ok playing second fiddle to the 4 year old? I’d definitely talk things over with her mom to see how to best handle it.
Beyond you having someone else in mind to be the flower girl, the sizing/fit of a flower girl dress on an 11 year old is also another reason to consider changing her role (you have your wedding pictures to think about :). If your wedding gown is a ballgown shape, then you could more easily get away with an 11 yr wearing a flower girl dress, but if it’s an A-line or sleeker, she’ll end up looking kind of silly because flower girl dresses have a lot of crinoline and have really full skirts. At that age a flower girl dress would likely only come to t-length if that long, which with a full skirt would look weird.
Post # 14
Haha… I was actually a flower girl in a wedding when I was 11 yrs old. I remember feeling a little bit embarrassed. I knew I was too old for the job.
I do like the idea of having the 11yr old holding the hand of the 4 yr old, though.
Post # 15
Honestly, I don’t know how much the title matters as long as you can find a dress that looks appropriate. She can be called a ‘flower girl’ in a dress more appropriate for a tween, or if she’s tiny for her age, heck, you could do the reverse and call her a JBM in a flower girl dress.
I can almost guarantee that if she gets to be a part of the wedding, sit with the bridal party, pose for pics with you and maybe gets a special gift, she will be thrilled no matter what you call it!
Post # 16
I need a “depends” button to click. 😛
I think it depends on how mature the 11 y/o is. I’ve met very mature 11 y/o girls who are very much “with it” and are definitely out of the baby stage. On the other spectrum, I’ve also met very immature 11 y/o girls who still act like little girls and would probably love to play dress up and be flower girls. I like the idea of the 11 y/o walking/guiding the 4 y/o. Good luck and let us know what you decide. 🙂