(Closed) Is 11 years just too long?

posted 4 months ago in Waiting
Post # 106
Member
10569 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

backwardsandinheels :  

Bee, you are betting the entire farm on a couple of sentences he tossed out right after your joint session session. Maybe it’s significant. Perhaps those comments reflect a turning point.  I can’t possibly know.

But, they are words, Bee.  

I’m totally lost on how venting to family could possibly be of more benefit than couples’ therapy. 

Your defensiveness signals that we are on point, Bee.

I dare say that all of us can understand and empathize with your anger.  But, it’s misdirected. Do you feel comfortable expressing your feelings of anger to your bf? You mentioned venting to your family.  How do you manage the anger that comes up regarding your relationship? Are you discussing it with your bf openly?

As anonymousbee001 said, people can be manipulative without even realizing it.  Sadly, some dysfunctional family dynamics teach it. Nobody asks directly for what they need. They pit family members against each other. As adults, it’s reflexive. They don’t know another way.

Again, you quickly spun back to the sister issue.  She’s not even the least important player in the game.  She’s not even on the field.

Allow me to leave you with a quote about how you know you’re with the right person; from one of my favorite psychologists, Dr Ralph Smart, aka Infinite Waters. 

   —They bring out the best in you, not the stress in you.

Post # 107
Member
9 posts
Newbee

I was with someone for eleven years and he told me the opposite that he wanted to get married. He just needed to finish some school to get a good career. Here’s the kicker! He never wanted to marry me from the get go and took school part time to buy as much time as he could. Yes he was good to me and a wonderful person but an asshole at best for what he did! 

 

Bee there’s no doubt he’s a good boyfriend but that’s all he wants to remain. At least he’s honest with you about it. I’m sure he’s wonderful and amazing but you’re both on different life paths now. With my ex I realized he and I wanted two different major things! 

 

I understand and it’s hard to give up a long term relationship that’s filled with lots of love. 

 

Youll never be on on the same page and if marriage and kids is what you want it’s time to face the fact he won’t change and you won’t budge. So you go separate ways because there is someone who wants what you want and can provide a lot sooner.

 

 

 

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