Post # 1
I’m feeling terrible, I’m not supposed to know but my mom let it slip that my bridesmaids are paying $175 per person for my shower and bachelorette party. This includes the shower at a nice restaurant with all the extras (invites, cake, favors, prizes, etc) and a gift they got me from all of them. It also includes the bachelorette party (drinks and dinner at my moms house) and the hotel we are staying in that night.
I feel terrible bc it seems like a lot and none of them make a lot of money. I kept making suggestions to try to keep the cost down (like having the shower at my moms or not staying at a hotel) but they said they wanted everything to be really special.
They also bought their dresses ($100-$125/each depending on which style they chose).
I bought them flip flops and jewelry and clutches to go with the dresses and they are wearing shoes they already have. They have the option of getting their hair done and paying for it themselves and about half of them are, the other half are doing their own hair or having my sister do it.
Their real gift is a personalized memory box I am making them with gifts/items inside personalized to each girl.
I am feeling so bad bc we are on a very tight budget and I’ve made that clear from the beginning, I have simple tastes and it makes me feel horrible to think that they are spending so much on me. Also my MOH is very well off and I fear she pushed more expensive ideas on the other bridesmaids. At this point, my shower is this weekend so there’s nothing that can be done, but do you think I need to try to make a bigger gesture for them?
I thought of buying them drinks when we go out for the bachelorette party, having a mimosa bar for them for the morning of the wedding while we get ready, giving them each a thank you card w a small gift or gift card for the shower (separate from their wedding thank you gifts). But the problem is I have already gone over my budget on their gifts and a part of me feels like why do I have to go over my budget when I didn’t ask for an expensive shower or bachelorette 🙁
Post # 3
Honestly, I think $175 for both is a steal! Think about it this way…that’s only $87.50 per event and given how much these things can cost (depending on the who, where, what of it all) – that’s a pretty small margin. You shouldn’t feel guilty…just feel GRATEFUL and make sure that you express that in a meaningful way to each of your girls!
Stop thinking that this is tit-for-tat because it’s not. What you gift to them (and it sounds like you are being generous already) is your perogative and the same goes for them. You shouldn’t set any parameters on what they can or cannot GIFT to you. It’s a gift! That’s not for you to decide. Don’t feel guilty if people want to shower you with gifts and love during a very momentous time of your life. Enjoy it, be grateful for it, and thank them the best way you know how! Best of luck!
Post # 4
@jennygrl070: Well, my parents didnt tell my BMs to pay for anything. My parents paid for my shower, and Im not having a bachelorette… If i was a BM and I was told to pay that Id be upset. That is just me personally though.
Post # 5
Um hello 175 is crazy cheap for your BM and MOH each for shower and bachelorette. I have never paid less than $1000 to be in a wedding party. Don’t worry about it, it’s definitely a reasonable amount
Post # 6
If I was a BM I probably wouldn’t bat an eye at that price for the two events, however, I know that we are more financially secure than many of our friends our age. I really think it depends on the person.
Post # 7
@jesssamesssa: +1. Unless you are my family, you aren’t getting my money 😛
Post # 8
@MrsBeck: I’m financially secure too but I didn’t get that way by giving away my money 😛
Post # 9
Only your bridesmaids can really answer this question, if they are willing and able to spend that then no, it is not too much.
As others have said it is for the shower and the bachelorette, and I think it is not bad at all. I would not have a problem paying that for a friend if I was her bridesmaid.
Post # 10
- Wedding: September 2015 - Ketchum, ID
@MrsPanda99: I think you can go to parties every once in a while, and splurge on things every once in a while, and still remain financially secure.
Post # 11
I don’t think that’s expensive for both events, plus the shower gift! If I undertake the role of a BM, I understand that it incurs a financial cost, and I would be happy to contribute to both.
Post # 12
@jennygrl070: I think its a bit much, but if I was asked to pay that much I would just pay it becuase I agreed to be a BM
Post # 13
@mrspinesol: Oh, I do splurge…on my family. I wouldn’t be a BM for anyone other than my sister anyway so it’s a non-issue. Trust me, I have lots of nice stuff and we do go out. However, I’m the one who worked for that stuff and I don’t just spend money on other people without question (except family). I also hate being asked to spend money. If I’m getting you a gift because I want to, great. If you’re asking me to fund something, not so great.
I think the theme here is that MrsPanda99 privileges her family over all else, lol.
Post # 14
Considering what I’ve paid for the past few weddings I’ve been in, that’s nothing! One of the weddings I was in was $450 per bridesmaid just for the shower!
Post # 15
- Wedding: September 2015 - Ketchum, ID
@MrsPanda99: Well I guess it’s different if you refuse to be a BM for anyone. For me, if I’m a bridesmaid, it’ll only be for people I really care about. I love spending money on people I care about, and I love gift giving. So I’d spend money as a BM in a heartbeat, assuming that I could comfortably do it.
Post # 16
@MrsPanda99: as long as they’re choosing to do it I think it’s fine. If she were forcing it upon them it’s a different story.
I know we aren’t supposed to expect anything from our wedding party (and I didn’t but was pleasantly surprised) but when I accept a position in a bridal party I do so knowing that I will put money towards the shower and bachelorette. However, I have only said yes to my three very best friends. Dropping a couple hundred dollars for their shower and party didn’t really feel like a burden to me. I definitely understand people who are put off by that amount though! It’s just that I plan on spending at least that much when I agree to being in their party.