Post # 1
Originally, my Fiance and I wanted a small, intimate wedding of 40 people for $5,000. A destination wedding or a restaurant thing for just close family and friends. We just couldn’t see spending more than $5k for one day of celebration.
But, once the planning got started, neither of our families were happy with that idea. They really wanted a real wedding for the memories. We’re the first children to get married on both sides. They collectivelly threw $20k at us and suggested that we should invite our entire extended families because it would be rude not to. We wanted to honor their wishes and it wasn’t our money, so we did that and invited about 140 people – most out of state, some out of country. We both have large extended families.
The destination wedding idea fell apart because of Zika constraints. So we planned a DC area wedding for about 80-85 guests for $20k. Now that we have most of our RSVPs in, it’s looking like it will be 60-65 people (granted, still some unknowns). I’m just feeling so sick over the cost of this event now – $20k for 60 people??? That’s over $330 per guest. We actually did a lot of things to make this wedding cheaper too – winter wedding so lots of vendor discounts, DIY flowers and decor, venue has a BYOB policy, etc. And a lot of the costs are not related to the number of people – $3k for the photographer, $1,500 for the venue, $1,500 for the DJ, etc.
I do love that it will still be an initimate wedding and I’m happy that our parents are getting the type of celebration they will enjoy. They haven’t been concerned about the number of attendees. I know that we will enjoy the wedding too and it’s not our money and it was very generous of our families to give us these funds. But $20k for just 60 people? Is that ridiculous? Did anyone else panic over the math like this the month before their wedding?
Post # 2
- Wedding: January 2021 - City, State
That for me seems quite high, our 170 folk wedding is $9000 but I don’t know what that is in comparison to where you live though
Post # 3
pomegranatebride : So wait, they threw $20k at you, but your venue is only $1.5k and $3k for a photographer? Those sound like great prices to me! Espeically with DIY flowers and BYOB. So are you actually spending all $20k? Or will you have some left over?
Post # 4
- Wedding: September 2017 - Poppy Ridge Golf Course
Ridiculous to some might be normal to others. For us it sounds ridiculous. But we would have simply planned and paid for what we wanted. This isn’t your parents wedding and these are your memories to cherish. You’ve stated that you’ll enjoy the wedding so if thats true I’d stop worrying about it. They offered the cash, you accepted, no need to keep stressing over sticker shock unless you feel you may regret this later.
Post # 5
@janna121215 We probably will now have some left over. $1.5k was for all the venue rental fees. Based on catering minimums for the venue and service fees and cake and budgets for alcohol, plus the venue fees, that came out to about $10k for 85 people. We can scale some of that back, but we are stuck with the venue’s catering minimums. This was the problem of not knowing how many people would attend until the last couple months.
Post # 6
pomegranatebride : Honestly the details you’re giving seem pretty reasonable to me. Cities can be really expensive (I’m in NYC and we’re looking at about $35k for 85 people when we get married in the next couple of years – we’re not getting married in the city because that number could easily double).
DC isn’t that much cheaper than NYC, so it seems like the numbers make sense. Weddings tend to be pretty expensive!
Post # 7
$20k all in is completely reasonable for DC.
Post # 8
Are you maybe overthinking the whole thing a little?
If you are pleased yourselves, as B & G, and your doting families are pleased, maybe it’s just time to let go and enjoy every minute.
However this turns out, may it be a beautiful and meaningful day!
Post # 9
I.e. My daughter’s wedding, with 95 guests, and everything but the rings, bridal party gifts, and honeymoon, was around 57k. There are some prices you can’t avoid, even if you have a different number of guests, like photography = 4k, videography 1.7k, etc. . Just the use/rental of the venue was 4.5k, without the food/drink, and the band was 8.5k. It can add up pretty quickly, especially if you believe that guest hosting is a priority.
Post # 10
I think it’s a good deal that you are getting for the DC area. I’ve seen where people have spent more than in your surrounding area for the number of people. Seems as though you are maximizing your budget and scaling back were you can to save. Seems as though you got a good price on the venue rental.
Post # 11
We spent $45,00 for 110 people. Doesn’t seem that outrageous.
Post # 12
pomegranatebride : Absolutely understandable in DC. We did the math, and we would’ve had trouble doing 100 people for $30K in the city (we decided to get married elsewhere).
Anyway, you’re not spending $330/person on food and alcohol. The fees for venue, DJ, etc. are actually more expensive per person the fewer people you have because you’d pay the same amount for the DJ either way. For instance, our DJ was $1,500 and if we divide that by 100 guests it’s $15 per person. But the same DJ would cost the same price for 50 guests, making him $30 per person. Same with photographer, many venues, etc. – fewer people only really saves you money on food and some of the decor like centerpieces.
Post # 13
We had “a real wedding” with 60 people for less than $5,000. So obviously it’s not impossible… I could never, regardless of contributions or others opinions spend 20k on a wedding.
Post # 14
I would focus on the fact that your families are very happy about the event you’ve been planning and you’re happy with the event. Maybe you can focus on how you’re helping individually owned businesses or small businesses lol if you’re trying to justify the cost, but regardless, i would just let it go since you can’t do anything about it now. now you have a lovely event to honor your family and everyone with!
Post # 15
We had a 60 person wedding. It came today around £25k exclusing the rings and honeymoon, which is about $31k. We weren’t particularly extravagant, either; the biggest costs were food and drink.
For us it was worth it, it was am awesome day and I actually loved that it was small as we got to spend time with everyone.