Is 22 to young to be engaged?

posted 2 years ago in Engagement
Post # 31
Member
955 posts
Busy bee

I got engaged a month after my 23rd birthday.  It was too young for me, and I’ve since gotten divorced.  However, there are important factors at play in what happened in my case.  

First and foremost, I was always plenty mature for my age.  That wasn’t the problem.  The problem is that I wasn’t even close to being who I would eventually become.  If I could go back and do it again, I would have finished school completely before getting married.  Law school is rigorous, it forces you to grow up, it changes your way of thinking. My ex H and I grew apart, he started to crack under the stress… in the meantime, I was flourishing.  We were no longer a good match.  

My advice?  Plan a long engagement.  Make sure that you both have an opportunity to finish the majority of your personal growth before you meld your lives as one. Major life changes should be undertaken as individuals, and if they bring you closer together, then great!  But, give yourself a chance to develop.  

Post # 32
Member
558 posts
Busy bee

gemmabelle :  IMO we all roll the dice when we enter into a marriage, nothing is for certain. as long as there’s no kids being affected, i’m typically always pro “go for it”.

also, i think that’s how old the daughter was in father of the bride, and steve martin got over it in the end- so can they ;p

Post # 33
Member
927 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

You’ll definitely change a lot over the next 5-10 years, but your marriage isn’t inherently doomed. The key is whether or not you and your Fiance are able to grow together through those changes. Out of the people I know who have married young, some have gotten divorced and some are still together. You never know. 

FWIW, I got engaged very early on in a relationship and got bombarded with a lot of comments and judgement. Everyone is going to have an opinion, so you just have to tune them out and try your best at your marriage. 

Post # 34
Member
215 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

Every couple I know that married earlier than 26/27 is now divorced (I’m in my early 30s), so statistics aren’t on your side. You grow and change a ton in your 20s. The relationship will survive if you can grow and change together rather than apart. Good luck!

Post # 35
Member
448 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

gemmabelle :  As pp have said it is young and you will change and mature as you get older.  I think it’s wonderful you both have demonstrated a committment to each other on this level at this age! perhaps remain engaged and hold off on marriage until your 25.  But if you must be married sooner rather than later, I strongly recommend you guys do pre-marital counseling I am currently doing it and it is wonderful, it forces you to really do soul searching as you prepare for a life together.

Post # 36
Member
6441 posts
Bee Keeper

gemmabelle :  I was married and had my first by the time I was 22.  You are not too young.  What matters most is if you think you’re too young.  If you do, then wait a few years to get married.  If not, then got married.

Post # 37
Member
1316 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: City, State

I was married at 22 and it didn’t work for me cuz I didnʻt know him well enough but if you feel like you really know him and can grow WITH him in the next decades, then itʻs not a total gamble. And if it fails? So what? Itʻs not the end of the world. The most growth I did was in the last year of my marriage and through the divorce. I wouldnʻt take any of that back. TBH. I wouldnʻt be where I am and who Iʻm with if I hadnʻt taken that path.

Post # 38
Member
1108 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

No, you’re a grown ass woman. The fact that several people choose to act childish well into their 20s has no bearing on your life choices. Also the fact that others want to pursue goals incompatible with marriage in their 20s has nothing to do with you. The overall divorce rate is just under 50% in the States, so if we’re going with stats then no one should get married. 

The only advice I would give is to make sure you agree on the major things: kids, where to live, career paths, etc. Make sure you are both wanting the same things. But I would say that to anyone of any age. 

I’m 31 and I’ll probably be 32 by the time I get married. If I had it to do over I would pursue a relationship and marriage much earlier. As it stands I will only have 3 reasonably certain years to *finish* having children. 

It depends on what you want out of life. If you don’t have any goals that are incompatible with marriage, then you shouldn’t wait on marriage- YOUR goal- because others do. 

Post # 39
Hostess
3828 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

I agree with ChasingZenith :  that 22 is too young.  Darling Husband and I started dating at 18 and I was a very mature 22 year old (also in law school).  I still am very glad that we waited to get married (at 27) because we both changed more than I can even describe during our early to mid 20s.  I also recommend a long engagement.  If you’re meant to be together, it won’t matter if you wait to get married, and it will give you plenty of time to build confidence in your relationship.  3 years at 22 is not really that long when you’re likely both going to change and mature a lot in the next few years.  those changes made us stronger, but many of my friends in similarly long term relationships did not make it through that time.

Post # 40
Member
561 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

You know yourself better than anyone else. As long as you and your fiance are confident in your relationship, then that’s all that matters. People today generally get married at older ages than they used to, so it’s not as common today to see 22 year-olds getting married. Does that mean you’re too young? Of course not. It just means you’re getting married at a younger age. Venues and your colleagues probably aren’t used to seeing it, hence their comments about your age. I’m bad at snappy come backs, so I can’t help you there. My advice is to stay strong and always remember that you live your life for yourself, not venue directors and co-workers.

Post # 41
Member
1569 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2017

I don’t think it’s too young – I was 23 when I got engaged and I think it was a great age 🙂 congratulations!

Post # 42
Member
2171 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I got engaged at 21 and married 2 weeks before my 23rd birthday. I got SO many comments about getting married at my age and that we were too young. We had been together for nearly 3 years, I was done with college, he had been working full time straight out of high school. The first few years were tough, I think we could have done a bit more before we got married to get ourselves in a better financial state but eh, nothing that broke us. People will always have a comment. If it were 7 years from now and he proposed, you’d get the “It’s about freakin’ time comments!” People just are poor responders. 

Post # 43
Member
3 posts
Wannabee

i used to think that i was ready to get married when i was 22-24 years old .. man im so wrong. that is why i am not ready to get married at a young age!! it depends on your feeling if you are ready to get married or not. a marriage is not easy and its totally challenge. 22 years old is too young to get married but its up to you! it is depend on ur feeling. 

Post # 44
Member
1023 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

I grew up in North Dakota, and when I got married at 24, I was among the last of my hometown friends. I had moved to Chicago by the time I got married, and everyone there kept commenting on how young I was to be marrying. Here’s some interesting data on the median age at first marriage by state: https://www.livescience.com/27974-women-media-age-marriage-states.html

Stastiscally, you are younger than most who are getting married. But that doesn’t necessarily mean anything. Unfortunately there’s no straightforward answer. 

There is more interesting data though! Here’s some stats on the “optimal” time to get married, but take it with a grain of salt 🙂 Everyone is different. http://time.com/3966588/marriage-wedding-best-age/

Post # 45
Member
9756 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2019

I don’t think it’s too young necessarily. It depends on the individuals and their relationship! You already live together, which is a big hurdle. As long as you are both committed, your relationship is strong and you’re both determined to make it work.

I am biased though, Fiance and I got engaged at 21, so I don’t think it’s too young. 

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