(Closed) Is a Bridal Shower "Double Dipping" for Gifts?

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 32
Member
3064 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@RobinGirl:  No way! In my area it is super common to have one (or more) showers. I buy a gift for the shower and also a wedding gift. I even bough a gift for the showers I have hosted. Don’t feel guilty if people want to throw you a shower! Enjoy it 🙂

 

Post # 33
Member
9950 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

Etiquette Snob here… lol

View original reply
@Brielle:  got the facts right.  “Technically” a Bride should know nothing of the plans for a Bridal Shower that are afoot

And altho the proper etiquette is that Guests who are invited to the Shower are also the only ones to attend a Bridal Shower

View original reply
@julies1949: is also right… there are Bridal Showers “intentionally thrown” by those that know they are not or may not be attending like… Work Colleagues, Neighbours, one’s Volunteer Activities (Brownie Leaders & the Bride’s Pack), or even “the Church Ladies”

Nothing wrong with any of that.

The first time I was married (circa 1980) 3 Showers were thrown in my honour… all were Surprises.

Two were held in the town where I grew up (and the Wedding was being held).

One that was organized by an Aunt for family members, my Bridesmaids etc.

One by the Church Ladies & Neighbours and people in my life who knowingly wouldn’t be invited… lol, School Teachers, my Piano Teacher, Brownie & Girl Guide Leaders… people who knew me from the time I was a child and wished me well.

There was also a shower thrown for me at the Office where I worked in the City.

3 Showers… all very different.

Now mind you times were different 30+ years ago.  My Hubby2B and I were fresh faced Uni Grads just engaged and making our way in the world… new jobs / careers, and pretty much NOTHING to our name.  So these showers did what they were originally intended… help a Bride get her home set up from a practical perspective…

Kitchen Tools & Gadgets, Tea Towels, Oven Mitts, Table Cloths, Placemats & Napkins, Cookbooks, Casserole Dishes and the like.

Nothing cost very much… and some items were home made with LOVE

BUT I have to say each & every item was appreciated and LOVED back by me.  Each item helped to make an apartment A HOME

This time round…

Friends of Mr TTR & I threw us a surprise Couples Shower.  And as is the tradition for that the Guests showered us with gifts appropriate for both of us and our interests.. in our case the theme was wine.  Something that both Mr TTR & I enjoy

Anyhow, there you have it in a nutshell

There is nothing wrong with Bridal Showers from an Etiquette POV…

But there is no doubt that times are changing… and Brides2B that are well established may not need a “good old fashioned” type of Bridal Shower any longer in that her kitchen drawers and linen cupboards are filled with the necessities already

And that is fine…

But they just aren’t the only type of Bridal Shower, as I’ve illustrated above.

In all truth they are a heck of a lot of fun IMO… and one of the rights of passage of being an Engaged Couple… I would hate to have missed out (lol, either time)

Hope this helps,

 

Post # 34
Member
881 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

@RobinGirl:  I am having one that is a surprise shower (that my sister spoiled haha) in Jan. hosted by my MOH/FSIL. I think in our circle it is usually common to have a shower for games and a small gift (like small kicthen items or towels) and then people bring cards or money or an expensive present for the wedding. I haven’t heard of people getting large/expensive gifts at their shower unless maybe one rich aunt or someone splurged hahaha 

Post # 35
Member
1246 posts
Bumble bee

Generally speaking, I do not think showers equal double dipping.  However, I have the view that showers are voluntarily thrown by a willing well-wishing third party. 

Don’t feel bad, you family & friends are throwing a shower because they love you and want to.

Post # 36
Member
1250 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

I am super grateful that bridal showers are not the norm in Australia (…yet, give it time, Halloween is now getting popular here.) as I would seriously object to having to give a gift at a shower and a wedding. Engagement parties are already very common here and to give gifts at these is the norm so when you take into account an engagement party, bridal shower, hens/bachelorette night and a wedding then that is a significant financial investment! But I understand they are the norm in most of the US from what I have read on here. 

 

I agree with the PP above who said one party per marriage. I told people who asked that our wedding would be the celebration of us getting engaged would be the wedding itself.

Post # 37
Member
594 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

I can see how some people would consider it gift grabby, but where I am from and within my family and social circles it is considered the norm, and is 100% expected. And not that I would EVER expect anybody to drop big bucks for my shower, it is very typical to recieve expensive gifts (again, this is probably just a norm where I am from). I’m also from a very intense italian family who looks at a wedding as essentially setting the bride and groom up for their lives (again, NEVER would I expect people to set me up with everything I need, I am fully prepared to pay for everything I need myself). 

Now, I do think that throwing your own bridal shower is gift-grabbie, unless you specify “no gifts” on the invite, just making it a social even for the ladies. I would never consider throwing myself a shower, but having been told by my bridesmaids, aunts, mom and mother in law that they are throwing one, I will register for a wide price range. I don’t at all expect people to buy everything of the most imporant things, but I’m doing it because it is what is expected. Don’t get me wrong, I love presents because I typically can’t afford the nicest things on my own, but I would never turn my nose up to a cheaper gift or no gift at all.

Post # 38
Member
9950 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

View original reply
@SarahTee: Re – No Gifts Please

For the record (as I am an Etiquette Snob)… this is NEVER appropriate under any circumstance for any type of party.  The mere mention of the words “No Gifts” conveys the message that Gifts were indeed being thought of / considered / expected.

When it comes to a Shower… be it Bridal or Baby… Gifts are indeed the PRIMARY reason to have a Shower… to “shower” the Honoree with Gifts be it the Bride for her NEW life or the Mom for her NEW Baby it is expected part of the idea of having a shower

Want a get together without Gifts ?

Then don’t use the word Shower at all.  Call it anything else… but not a Shower

Hope this helps,

 

Post # 39
Member
794 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

@RobinGirl:  Don’t feel awkward.  Your family and friends wanted to throw you a shower, so enjoy it 🙂  FI and I are from two separate places, thousands of miles apart, so my family is having one for me back home, and FI’s family is having one for me in in his home town, as they can’t attend the other shower.  No one will be at both though, so I’m trying not to feel guilty.  

Post # 40
Member
263 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

View original reply
@Lollybags:  You guys dont do kitchen teas? I think thats what our aussie version of  bridal shower is. All my friends who got married down near Melbourne had those. I figured they were the same thing?

Post # 41
Member
1250 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

View original reply
@ERsax:  Nope, never had a friend/known someone who had a kitchen tea, other than a friend of a friend who was very religious and therefore did not want to have a hens night that involved drinking etc. I’ve had friends that had high teas etc. for their hens days/nights but it never involved gifts. We just ate cakes and scones and played games at those.

Post # 42
Member
621 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

 I loved my bridal shower but I do think it was fishing for gifts, I enjoyed being surrounded by amazing people

 

Post # 43
Member
2084 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

Don’t feel bad, it’s the only time that it’ll be totally acceptable!

Post # 44
Member
9059 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

View original reply
@ERsax:  Kitchen teas are traditionally non gift giving parties though so that is where I think the difference is. And I have never attended a kitchen tea that isn’t much more than some booze, finger food, fun games and some simple decorations (balloons etc). the amoutn of money and effort that goes into some bridal showers judging from photos and accounts on here alone would far exceed those of  little old kitchen tea.

 

View original reply
@RobinGirl:  I think it is a cultural thing. Gift registries here in Australia are still mostly frowned upon and are not very common (target here doesn’t even have them) except for the more expensive department and boutique stores. So to most on the outside I would dare say that yes bridal showers appear gift grabby and excessive.

Post # 45
Member
1128 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

View original reply
@julies1949:  in Mexico it is actually very common to have big showers in venues with lots of people (80-100+, I had a friend who had a 250 people shower) they are hosted my the MOB and MOG and co-hosted by a few (1-5) or a lot (up to 40, i’ve seen) friends of them. They invite tons of people and they all gift money. It’s a way to help the bride.

There can also be more intimate showers.

That’s our culture.

Post # 46
Member
659 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I have no idea how it would be considered double dipping. My husband and I don’t have a ton of extra $ right now so we just have a set amount we spend all together on someone’s wedding. If I am going to two showers, I will give two smaller gifts. Just because I’m invited to multiple events I don’t feel like I need to, or end up, spending more. 

I usually spend $30-50 on a shower gift and $125 cash for the wedding. If someone didn’t have a shower I would give them $175 at the wedding.  

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