Post # 1
My fiance and I were invited to a wedding by the bride. We’re mainly aquaintances, but get along petty well too, and with her fiance as well. Before we got invited, when we were casually talking about wedding planning I mentioned that I had family in other states that probably won’t attend my wedding, and she mentioned that at least they would just send gifts (they’re not going to, and I had never heard of this before). Then on a different ocassion she was mentioning how her sister would not be able to attend her wedding, so that she was at least expecting a really good gift. My fiance and I are currently undecided about whether we’re attending or not because it’s a 4hr drive and he’ll have to miss 2 days of work, although we’re leaning towards “yes” anyways to possibly turn it into a mini vacation, I’m just curious about if it was a “no.” I guess the only reason why I’m unsure is because I don’t consider her a close friend.
Post # 2
It depends on my relationship to the people getting married. But usually, I don’t send a gift if I don’t go to the wedding.
Post # 3
I believe the answer is “no, a gift is not expected” That said, I’d feel like a terrible person if I didn’t give one unless I was invited to the wedding of my mortal enemy or someone else I just didn’t really know. For example back in college, I was invited to the wedding of someone I knew for about 2 weeks. Id idn’t attend and didn’t send a gift. She’s a lovely person and we became friends while at college, but it was just odd to me at the time.
Post # 4
I don’t think you have to give a gift if you’re not attending the wedding, but it can be a way to show your love and support for the newlyweds. If I weren’t able to attend my sister’s wedding, I would definitely send a gift. For a distant friend or family member, I might be less inclined to do so.
Post # 5
I usually send a gift even if I can’t attend, but because I want to, not because I think the bride expects it of me. I think the expectation of a gift from every invitee is really annoying!
Post # 6
I always give a gift, even if I can’t make the wedding. However, if I can’t make the wedding my gift is usually less than usual because then I’m not worried about covering my plate. The 2 weddings my husband and I haven’t been able to attend, we sent a check for $100.
Post # 7
I really think it depends on your relationship with the couple. A close friend or family member? Yes, I’d send a gift or give them one the next time I saw them. An acquaintance or more distant family member? I’d probably send them a card but would leave it at that.
Post # 8
I always send a gift even if I don t attend. It’s polite and I am always honored to be invited.
Post # 9
I, personally would always send a gift. That is my nature. If we aren’t that close then it would be a smaller gift card for dinner out or something like that. That being said, 95% of guest who were unable to come to our wedding did not send us a gift, and I did not expect one.
Post # 10
Absolutely not…BUT… Whoa, do I have a crazy respect for those that did send one.. Though NO bad thoughts on those that did not,
Post # 11
This may come off as harsh, but whether or not I send a gift if I’m not attending is dependent on why I feel the couple invited me. For most of the weddings my husband and I were invited to over the last few years, we sent a gift if not attending because they were our close friends and we wanted to wish them well, but extenuating circumstances kept us from attending. However, I have been invited to weddings for members of my extended family whom I don’t regularly socialize with. Some of them have included registry information with the invitation. In those cases, I made a judgement call and assumed that they invited more people hoping for more presents (and I have experience with family members to back this up). In cases like those, I might send a card, but I won’t send a gift. The alternate way of looking at it is to think of how you would feel about friends who didn’t attend your wedding and didn’t send a gift. I had friends who did that, and I didn’t think it was rude at all. It comes down to knowing your audience.
Post # 12
I give a gift if I wanted to be at the wedding and couldn’t. It’s usually smaller in scale then if I was attending the wedding.
Post # 13
Gifts should never be expected, but if I am close enough to a couple to be invited to their wedding, I would send them a gift if I couldn’t attend. My good wishes for them do not depend on my calendar.
Post # 14
Well technically a gift is never expected, right? But customarily, people do usually send a gift.
I have declined my first wedding invite this year and I’m pretty sure I won’t send anything. I don’t think the friend is expecting it plus she didn’t send a gift when she declined for my wedding (we both had/are having DWs).
If she were a close friend I’d send a gift, but we no longer see each other often. I don’t think it’s a big deal.
Post # 15
I always send a gift either way. If I don’t attend, and I don’t know the couple very well, I just pick out something in the $20-30 range off their registry. DH and I make decent money, so it is not usually a problem. I enjoy giving gifts though.
For what it’s worth, I tend to be a little bit more traditional as far as etiquette. I think always sending a gift (no matter the price) is encouraged by Emily Post… That’s who I usually default to in gray situations. It’s becoming more common to see people not send anything if they don’t attend though.