(Closed) Is a gift necessary?

posted 4 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
3281 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I would have spent less on a bridal shower present (like $100) then spent the other $100 on a wedding present. But since it’s done I think she will totally understand all your hard work and losing your job, etc. I would just write a really nice note in the card, saying you wish you couldn’t gotten her something, enjoyed helping her with the big day, etc, she can’t be mad at that!

Post # 4
2980 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Wow, I would NEVER expect my friends to get me a $200 gift.  Just out of curosity, is the shower over?  Could the gift be a wedding gift instead of a shower gift?  You are hosting the shower, and that should be seen as the gift there. 

I would NEVER be disppointed with my wedding party if they didn’t get me a gift.  A card is definatly enough, espeically when you spent $700 on my wedding. 

Post # 5
311 posts
Helper bee

I would HOPE that if you write her a really nice card, and maybe reference your current situation and how you hope your other contributions will make up for not getting a gift, she would be more than understanding.   I have people travelling/ getting hotels, and for some people I know that is a serious burden, so I have told them not to get us a gift.   Only a bridezilla wouldn’t understand!

Post # 6
84 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2014 - Fourth Presbyterian Church, Chicago, IL & Cheney Mansion, Oak Park, IL

I agree with PP that you could give the shower gift for the wedding if its not already happened. I don’t think you need to give a shower gift if you are also hosting the shower (and by yourself!). You certainly shouldn’t go into debt, and she will hopefully understand.

Post # 7
3723 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

If you haven’t already given the shower gift, I would return it. Shower gifts in my parents’ area are $30-50 while my fiance’s family usually spends more like $50-100. I would never expect a $200 shower gift from a bridesmaid. If you can return it and redistribute the money, you can give two gifts.

Personally, I didn’t expect my bridal party to bring gifts after everything else they had done for us. However, if you can afford it, it would be a nice gesture to bring something, whether you’re able to return the shower gift, make something handmade/homemande, get something inexpensive, etc.

Post # 8
714 posts
Busy bee

@introvertedgal:  Don’t let this stress you out too much. You’ve contributed plenty! I like what others have suggested about skipping the shower gift and giving a wedding gift instead. But if that’s not an option stick with something personal that’s not costing you anything more (like a letter / maybe a little photobook if you have the time and patience for it and know she’s enjoy it …) 

Post # 10
714 posts
Busy bee


I really do believe at the moment seeking employment should be higher of a priority to you than paying for a wedding gift you can’t afford. 

The bride is your friend, she should be aware and understanding of your financial situation, right? 

but reading about how you’re having to rent a venue for the shower, I start to doubt it. I think it’s kind of rude to her to turn you down on hosting the shower at your place and having to rent something. 

I really hope she does appreciate all the effort you have put into everything so far…

honestly, if you’re unemployed and struggeling to pay for things, I reccomend you skip the hair and make-up. I am sure you do know a nice style for your hair and a nice make-up… there are many helpful tutorials out there. 

about the shoes: can’t you use shoes you already own?…or maybe you can get shoes that are nice, but don’t cost an arm and a leg; maybe at the thrift store, on ebay or craig’s list…

I really think a $200 gift for the shower is enough for the bride; 

you said the bride doesn’t appreciate diy gifts… 

does that also go for a photo-book kind of thing? 

i have never met anyone so far who didn’t like a nice photo book… 

maybe you can get some couples pictures from the groom and do a couple-themed photo-book for them? 

if you insist on covering your plate, then i guess you must find a way to make some money, 

– is there anything you don’t use that you can sell ?

– are there any odd jobs you and your partner could do for family / people of craig’s list.. (lawn mowing, snow shoveling, renovating, cooking/baking… )



Post # 11
714 posts
Busy bee

@introvertedgal:  Not sure if you have read this thread: 


On there one bride said that her cheapest and yet very appreciated gift from a broke friend was something like a day of gardening work…

maybe that’s an idea for you and your partner as well? do you know of anything the bride and groom might be in need for that you could do? (and that you KNOW how to  do?) like… 

…gardening work, trimming bushes, trimming trees, raking leaves… 

…cleaning out the basement / garage… 

…cleaning their cars

…paint jobs around the house 

…does your partner have any skills with photography / videography? (he’s not a groomsman, right?) if so maybe you could get them a great video from their wedding (if they don’t have a videographer already) 



Post # 12
1260 posts
Bumble bee

What you have given in time and effort is enough. Add the shower gift and you’ve been incredibly generous. At this point just give the card and be done. In my opinion you don’t need to give more.




Post # 13
2963 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I would give a small, but meaningful gift.

Post # 15
536 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

Personally I wouldn’t want to be friends with someone so ungrateful.  But I’m sappy sentimental and treasure handmade gifts. My opinion is, the shower was your gift to her so a heartfelt card would be more than enough. Being unemployed,  your top priority should be paying your bills. And I don’t agree with the “cover your plate” nonsense,  so I say you’re fine. And if she does complain,  it’s a reflection of her screwed up priorities.

Post # 16
3723 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Why are you friends with her? She sounds pretty terrible and ungrateful.

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