(Closed) Is a Honeymoon Registry tacky?

posted 6 years ago in Gifts and Registries
Post # 3
Member
7902 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort

Technically, yes, but people are doing it anyway. You just have to know yourself and your guests and whether people are etiquette conscious or not. You will probably offend older people if this is their only option, but most older poeple likely to be offended aren’t exactly googling your wedding website. I would have a traditionaly registry too, just limited.

PS, almost everyone will probably give you cash or checks anyway no matter what you do, especially if you have a shower. It may be best not to do anything about the honeyfund and just let your parents know that if people ask, you’d prefer cash for the honeymoon.

Post # 4
Member
4485 posts
Honey bee

Most people agree that it is the couple’s responsibility to pay for their own honeymoon. Do what you can afford to pay for yourselves and don’t expect anyone to donate a dime. Alot of people are very highly offended by the registries, not just older folks. Asking for cash is rude as well in any form.

Post # 5
Member
7902 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort

@Ember78:  Traditionally, the groom’s parents pay for the honeymoon. Just a random bit of info.

Post # 6
Member
1697 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I do think they are tacky, and that was before I knew that you pay directly to the couples PayPal! Now I have a worse take on it! But that is just my opinion.  I consider it the same as asking for cash. But if your family is cool with it GO for it! My friends sister got $5K asking for cash in the invites. Her fam and friends obviously didnt see anything wrong with it so who cares what the annonomous nay Sayers think;) small registry and word of mouth should get you cash…I’ll be honest though. It leaves a poor impression on me when my Fiance friends ask for cash and have a Honeymoon fund. (don’t let that offend you please! Just IMO)

Post # 7
Member
4485 posts
Honey bee

@brenda, that may have been true when marriages were arranged (which ended not that long ago actually) but in this day and age, the parents don’t pay for anything or else they pay for very little, and only if the couple is quite young.

Post # 8
Member
10367 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

I don’t think it’s tacky. I think it’s a great idea! It’s a modern way of acknowledging how we are marrying later in life after we’re well established as adults. I like that it’s a way of avoiding being materialistic – I appreciate it when people don’t replace their household wares just for the sake of replacing them since people are getting gifts.

If your guest list is mostly like you guys (ie on the same social wavelength), then I think it’s awesome! If your guestlist is mostly composed of people who take their social cues from dead people who wrote books on the outdated social conventions of generations past, then maybe not.

Post # 9
Member
10367 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

@Ember78:  thanks for giving us an excellent example of how ettiquete has evolved and no longer meets the strict guidelines of Emily Post. You just made a case for honeymoon registries without realizing it.

Post # 10
Member
4485 posts
Honey bee

@crayfish, even if the parents don’t contribute anything (which is never required, tradition or not), it is still rude to ask guests to pay for something that you can’t afford yourselves, which is what a honeymoon registry and cash registry do. It has nothing to do with being “up with the times”. Rude is rude, no matter what century you live in. Some people get to the point they don’t care who they offend as long as they get their way, and that is when etiquette is thrown out the window. It doesn’t matter what’s written in a book. Etiquette is, by definition, making sure that all your guests are comfortable and avoiding social awkwardness. Society today cares only about themselves and to hell with everyone else.

Post # 11
Member
2063 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Obviously, this is controversial subject.

To me, I think it depends on how it is done. For example, I do not prefer the registries where everything is divided in to ten or twenty dollar segments and the gift-giver basically just chooses the amount that they would like to give the couple.

Rather, I prefer when the couple lists whole items for purchase, much like a traditional registry, that the gift-giver can buy. Of course, this requires the couple to list things in a variety of price points, but that is the case with any registry. 

For example (in my opinion):

Tacky = Option to buy 20 dollars towards airfare.

Not Tacky = Option to buy a the couple a Couple’s Massage with the full purchase price.

 

Post # 13
Member
2063 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@Ember78:  I think an erroneous assumption has been made here. You are assuming the couple can not pay for their own honeymoon. My Fiance and I can certainly pay for it. Rather, we are asking our guests to buy fun “extras” for the honeymoon (zip lining, kayaking, etc.) What’s your take on that?

Post # 14
Member
926 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

@crayfish: 

Nice.  

@Ember78:  

You speak as though you know current etiquette in every social circle, in every part of the country.  I highly doubt that’s the case, your generalization of “society,” is clearly narrow.  Many families are still paying for their daughters’ weddings and it’s not out of the ordinary.  

Mine aren’t, but that doesn’t mean that applies across the board.  

 

Post # 15
Member
4485 posts
Honey bee

If you can afford to pay for something yourself, then do that instead of asking your guests to buy them and thus offending people. Be prepared for alot of people to buy household items you don’t want and can’t return if they don’t agree with the idea of a honeymoon or cash registry at all.

Post # 16
Member
2063 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@Ember78:  “Be prepared for alot of people to buy household items you don’t want and can’t return if they don’t agree with the idea of a honeymoon or cash registry at all.”

That’s a red herring. What they purchase in lieu of the items I requested is of no concern to the subject at hand – that may occur in any situation, regardless of the type of registry selected. Rather, can you explain to me why I should “just buy it myself” or why it would offend people?

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