(Closed) Is a Honeymoon Registry Tacky?

posted 10 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Honeymoon registries - tacky or not?
    Don't do it! : (53 votes)
    31 %
    It's better than having to return the crap you don't want or need! : (118 votes)
    69 %
  • Post # 17
    Member
    2206 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: July 2010

    I guess I’m a naysayer. I don’t like them because I don’t like giving cash as a gift. Never have. It feels very cold, IMO. If one of my friends registered with something like this, I would probably still buy a tangible gift, something super classic like silver candle sticks, and provide a gift receipt. I just feel very awkward giving anyone cash. I totally understand the small living space issue, so I’m really sympathetic to that, it is just the cash thing that gets me.

    That said, I wouldn’t be pissed, just feel a little anxious about what to do. If there were still options on a regular registry, I would jump all over that and not give the honeymoon registry a second thought.

    Post # 18
    Member
    175 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    We are doing one and so far I’ve only heard positive feedback from people we’ve told about it.  We also have a small registry at BB&B though, so guests that want to give a tangible gift still have the option.

    Post # 19
    Member
    113 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    I think the Honeymoon-fund sounds nice, especially the activity buying part!

    But I do also agree with the making of a normal registry for people that may not be so pleased with the honeymoon-fund/ cash giving.

     

    P.S. My BF’s sister registered at a department/ everything type store and still ended up with 5 rolling pins. Dead serious.

    SHE DOESN”T EVEN BAKE ALL THAT OFTEN! LoL.

    Its the thought that counts I guess. 🙂

    Post # 20
    Member
    837 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    Personally, I think they are tacky.  It’s like asking your friends to pay for your vacation which has nothing to do with starting a life together, as traditional wedding gifts do.  I get why you don’t want to register for a lot of house stuff so my advice would be to register for only a few things and then register for Visa gift cards and have family spread through word that you guys would prefer money.  But DON’T write that you would prefer money on anything, just spread the news via word of mouth.  Hope this helps!

    Post # 21
    Member
    5789 posts
    Bee Keeper

    I wonder what the people would say if they were actually asked what they think of them? What do you mean by a ‘great response’? Just that people have contributed to it,or have they verbalized that its a great idea? If you give people no choice in the matter by saying you only have a honeymoon registry,its just the same as dictating how they give you a gift. Polite people usually will do as requested and never say they think it’s awful…at least to your face.

    If you have no registries at all, that will be the main clue that you would prefer money. I’ve never had a family member or friend’s son or daughter use one,but I wouldn’t use it. I’d give them a check instead. One I’ve just seen recently is even asking for donations so they can tip the people that will serve them during their honeymoon. Is that necessary to include? sheesh.

    Post # 22
    Member
    722 posts
    Busy bee

    I think this varies with region/culture/family. They do bother me a bit, and my mother and her generation find them tacky. If you want to do one, I would suggest also having a registry for household items so guests have a choice.

    Post # 23
    Member
    681 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: March 2020

    I am really glad that we did a honeymoon registry. Yes, people are giving you cash but they feel like they are giving it to a purpose and to something that you would enjoy. We are absolutely using all of the money that we received for our actual honeymoon trip not a new TV, fence, car, puppy, etc. The excursions that we listed on our registry will definitely be things that we do- snorkeling, dinner cruise, massage, etc.

    I can see how if you aren’t one to gift cash then you may be a little uncomfortable with it. Honestly, I was the same way at first. We have friends that set up one after seeing ours. They live in Germany and are getting married in TN. The last thing they need is a bunch of gifts to haul home with them. I loved getting to look through all of the different excursions that they had in mind and find something that I would enjoy doing (just like guests often look on a traditional gift registry and find something that they might enjoy having or already have and love).

    All that being said, I think it is important to have a more traditional registry with a few dishes, towels, etc. Only suggesting monetary gifts could put some guests in a bad situation if they are not comfortable giving cash.

    Feel free to PM me and I will send you the link to our Honeyfund.

    ETA- I don’t like the argument that the honeymoon doesn’t help start your life together. So a Wii does? Or a set of Tervis tumblers? A fondue pot? We all put things on our traditional registries that are far from necessary but they are fun or enjoyable. Isn’t contributing to the honeymoon a similar concept?

    Post # 24
    Member
    814 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2010

    we have a traditional registry(but don’t need a lot of stuuf, we have lived together for 2 1/2 years), but we also did a honeymoon registry… i have a feeling though that most people will be giving us cash or checks at the actuall wedding so i think in our case, it’ll work itself out

    Post # 25
    Member
    837 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    I don’t agree that contributing to a honeymoon registry is the same as buying “fun” house things.  That’s just my opinion though.  Where I’m from and in my family, they are considered rude.  And for the record we didn’t register for things like a Wii and fondue pot.  The other thing that bugs me about the honeymoon registry is that the registry company often take a percentage of what guests contribute so the bride and groom aren’t really getting the full gift that the guest is giving them. 

    Post # 26
    Member
    681 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: March 2020

    I think it all really does depend on your family and your guests. What’s perceived by some as fun or modern may be taken the wrong way but others. Maybe just think about your guests. Not everyone has to like it but getting feedback from a few different people in your circle of friends or area might be helpful.

    I know that the fees are a turnoff to some people but ours were just the standard Paypal fees. When we would receive a $100 gift on Honeyfund we would immediately move $100 to our honeymoon savings account. That way we were putting the full amount the gift giver had pledged toward our trip. To me it was no different than $10.95 for shipping something off the registry. Checks and cash had no fees.

    Post # 27
    Member
    690 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2011

    Honeymoon registries are gret. Go for it!

    Post # 28
    Member
    382 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: January 2011

    shaydenise — it really depends what site you use for a honeymoon registry. some sites charge you, but not *all* of them do. honeyfund will give your guests the option to send cash/check directly to you OR they can use paypal, which includes a fee.

    also, to be fair to the OP, she never said she wasn’t not going to register for other items in a traditional registry. clearly everyone has their own opinions/traditions about buying wedding gifts for someone else, and a lot of that is based on your relationship with the bride & groom. my advice to jaxx317 is do what feels right for you!

    Post # 29
    Member
    1066 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    In a nutshell, how does a honeymoon registry work??  Can someone just write on the shower invite that contributions toward a honeymoon would be appreciated??  That might sound better than “monetary shower”

    Post # 30
    Member
    3162 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: July 2010

    Honeymoon registries are awesome. I’m doing one but also more traditional registries for guests that prefer to give gifts of household items, and also for the shower where it would be weird for people to buy off the registry. The bride is supposed to open actual gifts at the shower so I think it would be awkward if people bought off the honeymoon registry for the shower, although personally I’d be pumped, I think my mom would be like WTF.

    Post # 31
    Member
    13563 posts
    Honey Beekeeper

    I’ve never heard of them being tacky, and they’re great for guests who dont’ want to give you “just” money. I think most guests love the idea of being able to purchase a particular activity for you and your then-husband to enjoy, etc.

    In my opinion, I think it’s better to “ask” for honeymoon funds/activities than just straight up cash.

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