(Closed) Is a Honeymoon Registry Tacky?

posted 10 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Honeymoon registries - tacky or not?
    Don't do it! : (53 votes)
    31 %
    It's better than having to return the crap you don't want or need! : (118 votes)
    69 %
  • Post # 32
    Member
    407 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2011

    I agree with Gemstone and others – we are having a Honeyfund along with a traditional registry. We already own our house together and have most of our housewares. FH wants cash only – but I suggested the Honeyfund so as to also please the traditional guests who want to feel like they are giving you a gift.

    Post # 33
    Member
    219 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: August 2011

    Try this site- its what we will be using. You pay a one off fee and all the money gifts go straight to you (unlike others that take a %age of your donations)

    You can list whatever you want, so you can list a few more traditional items for those who want to getthat sort of thing, and you canlist ‘parts’ of your honeymoon- so those giving money towards it dont just feel liek they are giving yo money- they are guying you something more specific.

    Also, as its you own site etc, if you dont actually end up getting or spending the oney on what they have paid for- thats ok, and they are giving you the money- not the travel agency/store.

    http://www.buy-our-honeymoon.com/

    Post # 34
    Member
    546 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2010

    I wouldent ask for cash – I’d feel rude, but then we didn’t do a registry we just did a list of stuff we needed – like bedding, and a wardrobe and stuff. 

    Post # 35
    Member
    1465 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    Have a honeymoon you can afford to pay for yourselves or wait and save up for a nice vacation together. Your guests are in no way whatsoever responsible for paying for a dime of your honeymoon.

    Post # 36
    Member
    337 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2010

    @Selene221 No one that has a honeymoon registry is suggesting that the guests are responsible fo rpaying for their honeymoon.  I think the major reason for them is that people that don’t need housewares, and they figure if someone is going to give a gift, it might as well be something that will be used and not something that will sit and collect dust.  Since asking for cash is not something that most people are comfortable with, a honeymoon registry says “hey, we don’t need a gift at all – but if you do want to give one here’s something we would use.”  It is not ANY different from registering for pots and pans or anything else you want to suggest that people buy.

     

    Guests are never responsible for buying anything for a couple.  Why don’t you tell people who register for anything at all to save up and buy those things for themselves? 

     

    Whether a honeymoon fund, or a Macy’s registry, these things are in place merely to help those who want to give a gift.

    Post # 38
    Member
    339 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: July 2011

    I voted against it, because I don’t like them and I have a gut reaction of, “It’s like asking people to pay for your honeymoon.”

    BUT…from a practical standpoint, I can see why people do it.  If you don’t want/need more house stuff, why not ask people who want to buy you a gift for something you will truly enjoy?  I do get it and I understand it, but I can’t say I would contribute to one as a guest.

    I still feel that gift-giving and registries themselves were set up to help the bride and groom begin their lives together and no, Wiis, DVDs, and other things don’t help you begin your life together.  But the basics – bedding, towels, dishes, flatware, etc. (all the typical registry stuff) really do help because buying all of that at once is EXPENSIVE (I still shudder when I think of that trip to Target when I got my first apartment!).

    But that’s just my little ol’ opinion; I know people that are not offended by them at all and I know people that would be and I suppose I’m somewhere in the middle – to each their own and as others have said, do what makes you happy Cool

    Post # 39
    Member
    4485 posts
    Honey bee

    The ‘tacky” word is incredibly overused and has no meaning anymore. But a honeymoon registry is considered rude by most people because it is seen as greedy and a luxury item which is not required, nor the responsibility of the guests to pay for any part of it. You take the vacation you can afford on your own and save up for a trip later if you want something big but don’t have the means at the moment.

    Many people view it completely different from a household registry because the household items are needed and a trip is considered a want rather than a need.

    Post # 40
    Member
    118 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: June 2011

    I think it’s incredibly tacky and should not be done.

    Post # 41
    Member
    799 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2020

    We did it and also registered at BB&B and people chose the honeymoon registry the most. People LOVED it and we have heard nothing but great response.

    Post # 42
    Member
    1297 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2011

    Okay, so someone help to clarify, what does a honeymoon registry exactly pay for?  My understanding is excursions and things like that?  I assume that you actually purchase the trip and then have the registry to get add-ons? If that’s the case, I like the idea!

    Me and my Fiance bought our home a year ago and we bought everything ourselves. We feel like it would be pointless to register for home-stuff when we literally have everything that we need now.  Registering for things like China (which we do not currently have) would be a waste since we don’t plan on having any dinner parties in our 650 sq foot apartment (nor do we have the room to safely store it). 

    But, my mom insists on throwing me a shower and I’ve been trying to figure out what to register for.  I agree it may seem ‘odd’ if people come without physical presents for me to open. To solve that problem, I’m thinking to register for ‘fun’ things on bedbath & beyond like camping gear, so if people do not feel comfrotable buying off a honey moon registry they can buy from there!

     

     

     

    Post # 43
    Member
    1692 posts
    Bumble bee

    I wouldn’t call it “tacky” — principly because I’ve decided to boycott the all-inclusive negative vagueness of that word. If tacky means “in bad taste”, then I wouldn’t worry about it because taste varies so extremely. If tacky means “it will offend my guests” then I don’t have an opinion because your guests are likely to come from your region, your culture, and your circle of friends: so, you know them better than we will.

    I find money-registries (and money-poems, and wishing wells, and “having your family spread the word that you would prefer money) materialistic and greedy. I can’t imagine wanting to do something that would feel so degrading: to me it would imply that I’m a charity case not able to meet my own needs and not financially secure. But then, in my culture, it’s considered offensive not only to ask for money, but even to *give* money — precisely because giving money implies you think of the recipient as indigent.

    One risk is that your extended family, and more particularly the family you are marrying into, may have relics like myself from an age when these feelings of distaste were more common. They will, of course, hold their tongues — which is why so many brides say that “no-one had anything but positive comments”. But if they exist they will feel exploited, and may simply decide not to play along.

    Post # 44
    Member
    257 posts
    Helper bee

    I’m kinda scared of it. I don’t know why. I guess I’m older and I feel it’s like asking for money. I know it’s sweet. H2b sent me the site to do it, but suppose I want to go someplace else last minute then you have to go where you set it up don’t you? 

     

    I’ve not even opened the email he sent me regarding this.  and then, no on has asked yet either so, I’m okay with not.. Just my situation. Seeing as my wedding is in a few weeks, I haven’t put it out there that I want honeymoon funds.

    Post # 45
    Member
    514 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: April 2011

    I think they’re great.  I know Miss Manner’s opposes them, but she’s against charity registries too (serious!).

    Post # 46
    Member
    1732 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2010

    Small registries usually mean more cash gifts.  I am not wild about Honeymoon registries.  They just bother me for some reason, but I am in the minority, I think.

    If someone wants to buy you a gift, chances are they will find a way – be it something from a registry or something they just pick out.  Some people don’t “get” Honeymoon registries, especially older.

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