Post # 1
My SO trusts me and I know I am lucky that I am not restricted in any way. I know that jealousy is a bad look on anyone. I know, I know, I know…
But sometimes I wish he got a little jealous from time to time! I think it would almost be endearing to see a bit of vulnerability.
Just this last weekend a male friend, that I dated in high school (12 years ago) very briefly, flew into town. He is a successful, attractive guy who sends me nice bottles of wine every year for Christmas. My SO knows all of this. He comes to town about once a year (he lives on the other side of the country) and he always wants to have dinner or a drink with me to catch up. My SO could care less. I know he trusts me and he should… but I feel like he almost doesn’t hear me when I talk. I will be like “Ok, I am having dinner with X tonight” and he will be like “cool, enjoy your girls night!” and I will have to remind him… no… it is a guy, the one I have told you about several times, remember? “Oh yeah, ok, have fun.” Then I will come home and he doesn’t even ask me anything. Just, “you have fun? Ok, goodnight.”
I always run my plans by him to make sure he is comfortable. He is always comfortable, so I go ahead and follow through with the plan. I am starting to feel like I could say “Ok hun, I am going to a nudist colony in the amazon for a month” and he would be like “Cool, have a blast babe!”
If he was going to grab dinner with an attractive, successful woman from his past… you can bet your ass I will remember! When he got home I would be genuinely interested in how the night went. I trust him but I am still human and there would still be that small part of me that would feel uncomfortable with the situation.
I know I am probably overanalyzing this completely, but sometimes I feel like it is a sign that he doesn’t care that much.
So I will pose this question: is a *little* jealousy a good thing??????????????
Post # 2
- Wedding: April 2019 - Undecided
I think that a little jealousy shows interest and that your man (or woman if you are jealous of things he does) cares about you and making sure that you stay theirs. Im not saying that not being jealous is bad either but I would feel a little weird if my Fiance didn’t care what I did at all.
Maybe he just isn’t accustomed to having jealous feelings or doesn’t feel good about showing them. Have you spoken to him about this at all? It might seem trivial but it is always nice to know that you are wanted and that your SO feels like other people might want you too..
Post # 3
I haven’t spoken to him about it because I am not sure how to broach the topic.
Post # 4
i can see what you are saying, DH is the same way. We are playful about my jealous tendencies Lol– like for instance if we are watching a show and something happens between a couple he will turn to me and say “if that happened to us, you would go crazy” and I’ll say thats right because if you ever did that I would do _____ , I am not serious about it, but we have a good laugh.
I have no reason not to trust him and vice versa and I think thats why DH is not jealous at all because he knows he has no reason to be. I am not going anywhere and neither is he.
It used to bother me that DH wasn’t a little jealous but now I have realized that its not important and I appreciate that we have no reason to be jealous.
Post # 5
- Wedding: August 2013 - Wynn Las Vegas
My husband sounds very much like yours. I love it! I just went on a girl’s trip to Vegas!
Post # 6
If it helps to give you some perspective, I am like your SO. I am not jealous at all, and never have been. It’s not because I don’t think my husband is the sexiest man I’ve ever seen, or that I don’t think he has had lots of opportunity to cheat if he wanted to….it’s because I trust him implicitly, and know I married a wonderful guy who would never hurt me that way. I was jealous in past relationships, but with DH I know we’re in it for life, and other women may find him attractive,but I believe in him and us enough that I know he wouldn’t act on it.
Post # 7
Personally your mindset feels a little.. immature to me?? Do you really need validation in that way? Jealousy and insecurity is not a good thing. Honesty and trust is.
Post # 8
- Wedding: April 2019 - Undecided
I really think you should just ask him. Its not a SERIOUS question and can just be asked in passing one day. Maybe when you are getting ready to go out one day just ask him casually “how come you’re never jealous?” if he says that he trusts you and thats all the explanation he offers you can let him know that it bothers you. Its not childish to feel the way you feel. I don’t think that you need to validate your feelings at all, if you feel them then they are valid. Being jealous doesn’t mean you dont trust your SO at all. It just means that you have uncomfortable feelings about them spending time with someone of the opposite sex who isn’t you. A LITTLE jealousy that is lol.
Post # 9
Neither my husband and I are jealous. I really can’t be, because his job requires him to sometimes work with women in sometimes very close quarters. There have been some circumstances (It’s only happened once) where he had to sleep in the same room with women. If I was jealous every time he was alone with a woman, I’d never stop being jealous and would probably rot away from the inside out.
That being said, I don’t think being jealous means somebody cares more than someone who isn’t jealous. I don’t think jealousy is an inherent “good” thing. I know my husband loves me and cares about me and would fight blood, sweat and tears for this marriage. I don’t need him to be jealous to tell me that. I don’t need him to validate our marriage by him showing dissatisfaction that I’m spending time with someone else. He knows I wouldn’t do anything, I know I wouldn’t do anything, so jealousy, in my eyes, really wouldn’t “prove” anything. I trust my husband explicitly. Even if he was hammered, naked in a strip club full of women who couldn’t keep their hands off him.
I will always be his. He doesn’t need to be jealous because there isn’t too much in this world that’s going to change that. I think if you’re secure in your relationship, who your partner is and who you yourself are, jealousy would just be an irritant and not a cutsey way of showing he loves you. If he’s doing his job, he should be showing you this every day of your life.
Post # 10
- Wedding: November 2015 - Old Mill Boathouse
I don’t think it’s overly immature, and even if it is, that’s okay. We can’t always be mature about everything.
My Fiance (Boyfriend at the time) would sometimes get a little…lazy? in our relationship. I knew he still loved me and cared about me but sometimes we slip and forget and take advantage of the other person, and he’d not be as giving of himself. So occasionally, when I felt like this was going on long enough, I would pull out a couple of different guys at work who I was close with (one who I had a crush on briefly before meeting FI) and maybe mention a deep conversation that we had or my one Co-Worker who is in Massage school gave me a quick massage at work (completely non-sexual at all, he has a long time girlfriend and he’d practice on anybody male or female that was willing to let him). Other times I’d bring up a customer who was flirty or hit on me…I never recprocated in these instances, but they do give you a confidence boost.
You could tell my Fiance was a little squirmy about it, though he’s not the type to get pissed off. It just I guess reminded him a little not to become too much of a passive partner in our relationship. We never spoke about the instances again, and it was rare that it happened, but gently reminding him that I’m desierable to other men kept a tiny fire lit under his butt to remember that I am a person, and he shouldn’t take advantage of how much I care about and love him.
Post # 11
- Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA
eh, my husband is that way too. I think it demonstrates utter trust in and respect for me and what we have together. I can see your point a little bit, but I’d sooooo rather have it this way than have a jealous controlling guy!
Post # 12
Overall I think wanting to make your partner jealous is very immature. Neither me nor my husband are jealous people but I do teasingly tell him I’ll cut a bitch from time to time.
I know I could never replace what I have with him so to me, jealousy is a wasted emotion. It accomplishes nothing and just shows insecurity.
Post # 13
I used to feel how you feel. I thought DH didn’t find me attractive etc because he never got jeaous. I called him out on it and he explained that rather than feeling jealous he felt proud that other guys found me attractive or liked my company, becasue he knew I was his. Thinking about it, that’s MUCH nicer than having a jealous partner.
Post # 14
I think it’s great that your SO is this way. My Fiance and I are *now* like this with each other. We trust eachother completely and know our love for each other trumps all. However, when we were younger we were both jealous/insecure and trust me, it’s not fun. AT ALL.
<div>I think a little jealousy is good when justified. Like, if some guy was blantantly hitting on you and completely disregarding or disrespecting your relationship than I would want my Fiance to step in and tell the guy to back off (although, I’d tell the guy to knock it off myself before my Fiance even had a chance). If he didn’t care at all that some other guy was hitting on me or staring at my ass or making inappropriate comments then I’d be worried.</div>
Post # 15
Is it possible that what you
re really wanting from him is not jealousy, but for him to pay more attention to you ? He sounds laid back to the point where he is
coming across as indifferent. My SO & I trust each other with friends of the opposite sex- but we also talk to each other about our day at work or our time away from each other etc. He would not have a prob with me meeting an old friend for coffee or lunch or whatever, but I would
come home full of stories to share with him, how my friend has been doing, even what we ate, how the food was etc etc. And when he is
out for the evening with friends- which happens fairly regularly as we often work different shifts, he will tell me all about his night out over coffee or breakfast or whatever. The fact that you can
t seem to bring up how youre feeling to him makes it seem even more like this is a lack of communication thing more than a jealousy thing. Maybe you don t really need him to be jealous, just more interested.
p.s. sorry about the unintentional red bits- keyboard is acting weird on me