Post # 1
Hey there lovely bees! I have yet to bump into a little dilemma and would like to get a little of your insight about this situation. Last week (4/25/13) my SO gave me a diamond promise ring as proof that he was not fooling around when he said that he wants to wait until he’s financially secure.
This happened after I felt like giving up and told him that I am beginning to think that there is no future for the both of us since it seems like we are on two completely different pages in our relationship book. He then told me that he wanted to completely take me by surprise and come up with a memorable proposal along with a ring to die for. Now he worries that I won’t be as surprised when in the end I will be happy either way (this I told him too).
And voila, this diamond ring (which he bought for over 2k) was plopped onto the palm of my hand and now I do not know how to feel about it. I guess I have always wished to have the guy think of this before I had a say to any of this. Just to be sure I looked into his eyes and searched for any insecurity. He simply looked deep into my eyes and said that he means everything.
What do you guys feel about this situation? I just feel awful that he did this because I feel like I am pushing him when in the end he states that “I didn’t and that he wants this.”
Thanks for helping out this worried bee!
And by the way here it is:
Post # 3
@kayteegeee: How old are you? I feel like promise rings are kind of “high school” and when my SO said he was planning on getting me one I told him that I appreciate the thought but I would rather he put that money towards my ACTUAL engagement ring.
That being said, if you believe he’s being sincere, then maybe this is just a stepping stone for him? A baby step if you will, because it’s possible that he’s not ready to be engaged yet. Beautiful ring btw!
Post # 4
i would be sort of weirded out if my Fiance got me a promise ring that cost 2k but wouldn’t propose with a ring that cost the same amount or less…does that make sense?
my Fiance gave me a ring that wasn’t an engagement ring, a year before we were actually engaged…i still wear it to this day!
Post # 5
To me it seems like spending $2k+ on a promise ring is kind of a step back on the path to him becoming financially secure. That is a decent amount of money that he was clearly able to spend, so it seems like money isn’t really a huge problem?
Personally, I don’t think the ring necesarily means he is truly promising an engagement in the future, his words and actions should mean more to to. I think part of what makes an engagement ring so special is that the general public knows the importance of a ring on the left ring finger so each person in the realtionship is showing off the engagement, to me, the same meaning isn’t attached to a promise ring. But again, if you believe his words, that should be enough regardless of the ring.
Post # 6
@kayteegeee: My Fiance gave me a promise ring about 10 years ago (I was 19) and it only cost about $80. I still wear it on my right finger (always have worn it there). But personally, I wouldn’t want a promise ring that cost that much.
How old are you two? Is a money an issue (doesn’t seem like it) or is age more the issue?
A promise ring is a sign of committment, but not a guarantee (just like an engagement ring doesn’t guarantee anything either).
Post # 7
Yes, I had a promise ring — when we were both in high school. After high school, he bought me a different ring, which I wore on my left hand occasionally during college but didn’t really think of as a promise ring. We got married after college.
No one I know personally had a promise ring or wore one after college.
Post # 8
I agree with previous posters in that I think of promise rings as high-schooly. Also, if the only reason he’s waiting is to be financially secure, I would have been FURIOUS if my boyfriend had dropped 2k on a promise ring. At that point, you might as well just be engaged and have a long engagement.
Post # 9
@kayteegeee: a promise ring doesn’t mean that he is promising to propose, just means he is serious about you. You’re more important than a girlfriend but less than a fiance..you’ve just been dating a year. I wouldn’t be in a rush nor would I move in.
Post # 10
He’s 28 years old (Pharmacist) and I am 23 years old (RN-to-be come September of this year). The ring he bought for his ex-girlfriend that he had means to propose to and it never got to that point. Talk about recycling. And yes, I thought of it being a bit child-ish but I guess it is what it is with this guy.
And somehow now I feel worse.
Post # 11
Well it’s a positive thing that he didn’t spend that 2k recently if he feels financially insecure. I’m not sure how I’d feel wearing a ring that was purchased for another woman though.
Post # 12
UberClaire : Exactly. I guess I am just secondhand girlfriend. :'(
Post # 13
I would not be happy wearing a ring originally intended for another woman. Absolutely not.
Post # 14
I don’t think promise rings are stupid or just for high school kids at all. Fiance got me a promise ring (really little diamond – looked like an engagement ring) about a year and a half before we got engaged. While it wasn’t $2k, it was about $100, it was a promise to get engaged sometime in the future. Don’t lose hope!
ETA: Just saw he bought it for an ex, give it back!! Get him to sell it and put it towards being financially secure, or if he is that keen on giving you a promise ring, use some of the money to get you your own ring
Post # 15
@kayteegeee: Wait, was your promise ring originally bought as an engagement ring for this other girl, or as a promise ring for her? Either way, I would be majorly p/o if FH had given me a ring from a broken relationship. “Gee, obviously this ring holds so much meaning for you if it’s already seen one relationship go down the drain.”
Post # 16
@kayteegeee: If you’re not ok with wearing a second hand ring (which in your situation, I wouldn’t be either) you need to tell him! No matter how much we may wish it, our SOs are not mind readers