(Closed) Is a "Promise Ring" truly promising engagement in the future?

posted 8 years ago in Waiting
Post # 17
Member
726 posts
Busy bee

@kayteegeee:  he gave you a ring that was intended for an ex?..ouch..

 

 

Post # 19
Member
1156 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

@kayteegeee:  Oh honey. Did all this come up just because of the ring?? It seems like this problem runs a bit deeper than just a promise ring

Post # 20
Member
48 posts
Newbee

@kayteegeee:  its beautiful! I wouldn’t worry too much about what other people think of promise rings, listen to your SO: he’s doing whatever he can to show you that he’s serious and not leading you on.

My father gave my soon to be step mother a promise ring (he was 42, she 36 at the time) as reassurance and proof of his intentions to her. He wasn’t where he wanted to be exactly financially (ex wife stuff) but he wanted to above all let her know that she was loved and valued and that he wasnt playing games. Something to show they wanted the same future, even though it wasn’t the right time. I thought it was very romantic, not immature or “high school” 

Also you can always sell this ring to help with the engagement ring, or pass it on to your son or daughter one day (like my dad did)

Congratulations! Hope this made you feel better 

Post # 22
Member
48 posts
Newbee

 

@kayteegeee:  woah sorry I just now read the part about it being an ex’s engagement ring. Eep, I don’t know but I probably wouldn’t be able to take it. I would ask him to sell it and put it towards a different ring if you still want a promise ring. But it also sounds like you’re not very happy with your relationship either. 🙁 have you thought about taking a break to sort through your feelings? Good luck, I’m so sorry this is so difficult! Best of luck

Post # 25
Member
726 posts
Busy bee

@kayteegeee:  I think what your mum said is super sweet. But as other PPs have stated: if you don’t feel comfortable wearing it, then don’t wear it. Maybe sitting him down and having a chat might be worth while? Apologise to him if you feel like you’ve pressured him and say that wasn’t your intention and you feel bad about the ring.. Bg hugs!

Post # 27
Member
348 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I would rather have a $20 promise ring that was all my own than a diamond ring meant for an ex.

Post # 29
Member
43 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 2014

My fiance bought be a promise ring before we were engaged. It was about $300 and at first I way confused, I thought why didn’t he just put that towards an engagement ring… But I just went with the flow, the promise ring was beautiful and its not like he HAD to buy me that, he wanted to…

 

about the ex issue…. I think its bizarre he would give you that ring, I mean I can understand he would lose money but that’s what happens when you buy something like that. If anything, maybe at least you could change the setting and then it would be like it was meant for you.. I couldn’t do it, I would be really mad I think lol

 

 

but if YOU are okay with it than that’s all that matters, right? It doesn’t sound like you are though, you sound upset:( good luck and hugs!:D

Post # 30
Member
2829 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

@kayteegeee:  aww im so sorry you feel this way. i dont know whatto say about this. i have to agree with ppl i would give him the ring back. he shoyld have gotten rid of that ring a long time ago.

Post # 31
Member
190 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I hope this doesn’t offend you, but I never really got the point of promise rings. Why spend money on a ring to promise you want to get married someday that isn’t the engagement ring. I feel that the engagement ring is the promise to get married so a promise ring is just redundant. 

 

 

 

That said the day before my fi proposed he gave me a “promise ring” saying that he wanted me to have something to know that he was serious and he just couldn’t afford the ring he wanted yet (total lie my ring was sitting in the very room we were in lol) to throuw me off. Even then I told him I appreciate it, but why wouldn’t you have put the money you spent on this toward an engagement ring if money is the issue. He pretended his feelings were hurt that I was disappointed in the promise ring (that I told him long before I didn’t want/need a promise ring) and proposed the next day. 

 

 

 

Maybe ask him directly why he would spend so much on a promise ring instead of putting it toward your engagement ring. 

 

 

 ETA: I only read the OP, didn’t see that this was a second hand ring. I don’t think you’re being childish, I wouldn’t like that either. Could he have traded it in to get you your own ring? My feelings would be hurt in your situation. I would really want to know why he felt he was ready to marry his ex, but with me he wants to wait to be more financially secure. I would need to know what changed. 

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